I agree with what all of you said. I am attracted to her but I know I am still getting used to things. After being with one person for 17 years it is definitely an adjustment.
J - I have no problems paying for things on dates and the DR allows me to do so. While it is nice when she does offer it is certainly not an expectation on my part and I don't get all fired up when she doesn't Usually she will pick up the tab on the 2nd night if we go out to dinner on B2B nights.
Truthfully I actually prefer to pay for things and it does feel a little weird when she does. I guess I am kind of old fashioned or that is just my natural male instinct.
IMO if the woman pays for the majority of things then your masculinity needs to show up in other places whether it is taking care of the family home or between the sheets.
I feel as the man it is my responsibility to pay the majority of the time and I would never, ever ask a woman to pay. I would not turn her down if she offered but when I ask the DR out I have no expectation on my part that she does anything. That said she will usually pay for 1 night if we got out on both a Friday and Saturday night,
What about beyond first dates? How do you guys all feel?
My own opinion and B seems happy with it is that whoever asks pays. Ginger seemed to like this idea when she wanted to spoil M a while ago. It's easy to understand, low stress and as long as everyone agrees then I think it can work well and doesn't seem patriarchal.
With that said, for the first few dates B automatically offered to split the bill and I was pleased that she did even though I said it wasn't necessary. I also thanked her for offering. It showed class IMO.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
LOL....just once and a while would be nice! That said splitting checks and the woman picking up the tab too early just screams being friends. It is nice that they offer but I would never ask or accept unless we had been dating for a bit.
I brought up this question because we were defining feminine/masculine. How it plays a role in attraction and dating. And it’s something that does get a bit awkward.
So I can offer, but if the guy accepted I can honestly say I would lose attraction because it would be perceived by me as unmasculine (and cheap) And I would feel less feminine by splitting the bill. So is it a pretense to offer? And does it really make a difference? I’m also not so sure.
Do your dates typically offer? Do you guys take them up on it? Does it bother you if they don’t offer?
Guys say they would love a girl to pay but then subconsciously value her less. Like that Betty and Veronica analogy I bring up. The nicer the girl is, the less value she ends up getting - down the line. I notice that once the chase is gone the guy questions being in a relationship with her or being ready for a relationship in general.
Now I get the whole equality thing. It’s not fair to a guy, equal rights etc etc. I know people that teach their daughters to pay their portion of the bill so that they never have to feel like they owe someone something and if I had a daughter I might go in that direction as well.
But there’s still something more to having the guy pay during the courtship at least. Once in a relationship, I think there’s ways to equal things out. Paying for events or tickets, or maybe gifts.
J - I would never accept unless we had been dating for a bit. My dates do not typically offer. It does not bother me unless we have been out several times and have already had sex.
I remember when the DR first invited me in her house and we had the sex the first time. She was totally submissive, she had her shoulders slumped but had her shoulders back with her head down and made it very clear she was ready.
IMO that was all about the build up leading to that moment.
