Hector is getting very spoilt, and he is absolutely adorable. It’s really nice to know that my story is helping others on here and is the reason I still post updates.
I know that my sitch is the exemption rather than the rule here but I do think it shows that with empathy and patience towards a partner in crisis that if they do come out of it, that reconciliation can happen.
But it does take an awful lot of work, from both the LBS and the MLCer.
Did you ever go through a period when you weren't sure whether you wanted him back or not? If so, how did you resolve it? If not, why do you think that was?
I did have moments, yes. There were times when I thought if I was financially stable enough would I take him back.
But, I kept remembering the man he was before the crisis and how much we loved each other. He was always a kind, funny and reliable man to all of us in the family, not just me.
I was never in any doubt that he would come through in the end, and that’s what kept me going. His essence has returned and he’s almost back to normal and it’s now getting to be as if those few years never happened.
I am glad it is beginning to feel like those bad times never happened. That must be a great place to be. I am not sure they should ever be forgotten though. When things go well, people tend to slip into destructive patterns again. A spiteful comment here, a taken for granted action there and all of a sudden another BD.
I am not saying that solely for you but the hard work it took to get that far needs to be a lifelong effort to keep the M important and happy. Not an easy task, but I am sure that surviving crisis can give the insights necessary to make it last
Best wishes and congratulations for the rugby!!
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I find your honesty and humility refreshing in a world where we bury too much. Even you admitting that you have to drink STFU smoothies is a breathe of fresh air as it shows the work this takes.
Be kind to yourself, you have been through a lot. When we know better we can do better!
Hope you are happy.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I have to remind myself all the time do I want to be right or happy? He went out last night on a retirement do and didn’t come home until the early hours.
I have to keep telling myself, he was always the last turkey in the shop, never coming home early. It’s not a recent thing. And not to take it personally. I had hoped he would leave at nine (like he said he would) but no.
Through all this I’ve learned to love myself, be empathetic and not to judge people. I’ve become a better person, parent and grandparent.
I’ve learned that reconciliation is not easy by any means and I really have to do 180’s and shut that gob!
It’s been the hardest three years of my life but also the most precious and in a weird way, I wouldn’t change it.
Thanks for popping by. Things are going well. Our new pup, while a lot of work, is a blessing! He keeps me so busy I don’t have time to dwell on the past.
I’ve gone from thinking about it 24/7 to hardly at all. I think H welcomes this distraction too. Hector has become our baby and gives us common ground and experiences after years of none.
He makes us happy and makes us laugh, which we both (obviously) needed.
H has been home a year today. It’s been a very difficult year. It’s been a lot harder than I imagined.
Yesterday, out of the blue, he said he was going to buy a trampoline for our grandkids, and he did.
Spent 2 hours building the flipping eyesore, and it’s now on our decking. This is the first time in about 5 years he has done this. It was always me who would suggest buying something.
The joy in his face when the kids saw their surprise was wonderful. He can’t say sorry to them for what he did, but he’s trying.
It’s exactly what Job has always said. If they do come back it takes up to two years for them to become as they were.
Today at Sunday lunch he was so back to normal, telling our granddaughter that there was a cute dog out of the window and when she looked, he pinched her roast potatoes.
That’s how he used to be, way back in 2013.......we so missed this.
Our DIL who only met him in 2014 said he laughed so hard the other day. She’d never seen it before.
It’s so sad what these MLCers go through, as do we LBS, very similar but also different.
I’ve made it plain to him that I have given him one chance. He won’t get another.
But I am confident that he won’t go through this crisis a second time.
