This is going to be haywire, she was just online with the app she uses for her thing , and phones me to talk about the things I am doing and asking me to get some extra bits . Just gotta keep soldiering and do the DB dance
Thanks Alison,I can do this !!
Last edited by Cadet; 03/15/1912:03 PM. Reason: combine posts
She said she couldn’t trust me after 3 weeks . I stated that I had stopped drinking and had changed
LISTEN and VALIDATE. "Yes I can understand why you still don't trust me after everything you've been through, it must have been very difficult. I am sorry you feel that way." Please try and understand the difference between validation and what you did which was the opposite of validation. Your response was "But I've changed!!!!" You were basically telling her that her feelings are wrong (invalidating).
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then she accuses me of controlling her when I said the contact with om had hurt me
She doesn't care about your feelings right now. It's all about HER feelings. You've got to quit sharing this stuff with her, it needs to wait until later when the R is on better footing. When you try and share feelings right now it just looks sad and pathetic to her because of where her mind is.
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but if she chooses to continue with om with what ever method then that is across my boundary and not something I will accept, I have left her with her choice
BOUNDARIES must have CONSEQUENCES, otherwise they are meaningless. So your boundary is "I will not live in an open R with you while you engage in an R with OM" but what is the consequence? You will pursue S or D? If you are going to establish that as a boundary then you need to state to her what the consequence of broaching that boundary is, and then you MUST BE WILLING to follow through! Don't state the boundary unless and until you are 100% prepared to enforce it.
Originally Posted by Tryhard
I need some help on stating my boundary clearly . I will not continue to live in this house and be in a relationship whilst you are with another man ?
Please start a new thread and link your two threads together. You reached the 100 posting/reply limit on this one. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
