Well after a "discussion" last night, it looks as though our townhouse will be selling. I'm on the one hand excited about the opportunity for a completely fresh start, but very much concerned about how this will impact D4. If anyone has "success" stories about how their children adapted to leaving the marital home and flourished/became happy in a post-D new place, I would love to hear them. Many of my friends from divorced parents have told me that so long as I fill whatever new place with love and make D4 a part of it, that she will be just fine. It's encouraging to here from others who have lived what she is about to do and I definitely plan to make wherever we end up the greatest place possible for her and I.
Oh and...Miss Flaky after the urgent need to talk to me and one day of texting is definitely back in ghost mode LOL!
Leaving the house will be no big deal at all. Especially at 4. Between me and my daughters father, she has had many roofs over her head. More often with me. We’ve rented a lot. She actually gets bored after a few years and asks when we are getting a new place. This past October I bought a new house. Then in November , her dad and wife bought a new house. She got to decorate 2 brand new bedrooms. She couldn’t have been happier.
It’s true. Home is where the ones they love are, even in separate homes. Familiar belongings will help too. Make her a part of the decorating and she will be thrilled
If anyone has "success" stories about how their children adapted to leaving the marital home and flourished/became happy in a post-D new place, I would love to hear them.
Kids seem to love variety, especially when they are little. Our D's were about 4 and 6 when we moved into a different home and they were thrilled. They had so much fun setting up their new rooms and being someplace different. After our separation I kept our family home and XW rented a house, and then later bought one. Even though the kids were older they again enjoyed setting up and decorating their new rooms and picking out furniture. I'm pretty attached to the family home but none of the kids seem to share the same attachment. As long as they have their "stuff" they seem to be happy no matter where they are.
I agree with the others but also disagree a bit but then, I'm in a very different stage of life and a different person.
My family has been on and around the same piece of land for almost 200 years. I never moved until I went away to school and then soon after getting married moved in to this house where I've been for more than half of my life. I have shrubs that were gifted to me by my grandfather that were from the original farm. I have trees that I planted as saplings that now tower over the yard.
I was thinking the other day as I was walking around the house in pitch darkness - even with 2 black cats who have little regard for cross traffic - that this place is indeed part of me.
My ex adored this house, even with all it's flaws of which there are many. She was moved a lot when she was younger, usually by arbitrary choices made by her father without notice and she loved the stability that this home and I represented. We had been talking about moving and I would have willingly done that for her, when she also fell in to her affair.
For S24 I think that this also represents his safe place and is one of several reasons why he is living here with me and not with his mother or on his own. And I also cook with cheese.
But I also agree with the others that home isn't just a place. I think that as long as you appropriately involved your D and that this isn't a shock and that you keep things around her - toys, furniture as "same" as you can that it will be a positive thing for you both.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thank you all for your reassuring words! I think our moving will be a shock to D4, but I will for sure keep her surrounded by her "stuff" while at the same time allowing her to make lots of choices about her room and she will always be deeply loved by me. I grew up not just in a hometown, but also in one home all my life. I had hoped to provide that sense of permanence for her, but sadly it was not meant to be.
I know there will be many tears shed by D4 over this and I'm sure I'll do the same because of how it will affect her, but as with the D process...given time, patience and love she will come to enjoy the new living arrangement we both will build together for ourselves. These days this is truly the only sad aspect of my sitch that I still struggle with.
Well after one more meeting this past Friday night, I'm maybe one week to the end of paperwork and waiting for the court to finalize being D. Been living that way since WW left so as other vets have said on here, the actual event is more like a paperwork exercise...no heightened emotions like it is when you are just BD'd, rather just a desire to get on with whatever the future holds.
prayers to all that are suffering this day...it's St Patrick's day though, perfect day for GAL and enjoying yourself! Take advantage of it!
very late last night, I caught more spew...all my fault apparently for everything. how silly of me..."I" was the one who BD'd. <sarcasm>
I was very gray rock, no attempt to try and validate especially given the pure projection being slung at me and simply because I have no feelings anymore towards WW. I like to believe that through my faith, God is healing me from her through the words and actions she's shown me. just have nothing left for her and i'm totally at peace in saying that.
have a contractor coming to take a look at the townhome tomorrow. few things needing to get fixed for it to sell.
