Just wanted to come back and let everyone know that I have bounced back and I doing good. Needed the wider perspective and I've just grown and improved my emotional health in the last 3 days lol. Thanks everyone.
It´s about where you stand, J9 & M, dear brothers. You need to find that possitiveness. And get free of selfgenerated fears. Leave the instability for us, the wws. You have no opposition in the parental field, there´s no need to feel challenged. Just take a step aside and look for yourselves. You are the lighthouses so please go there and show your bright light to everybody around.
You both are at the stage of showing: "This is me and I know where I stand." Because you are there, without any doubt.
Honor, respect, ever.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
J - I totally feel you on that. It's off my back already and I feel as if it was a blip. I have to give DB credit for helping me emotionally recover and my ability to bounce back after uncomfortable emotional episodes. I already feel amazing and the broader perspective that you and others offered was very helpful for me to grow a lot more and understand myself better.
Nef - no truer words have been spoken. Yeh, I know myself and where I stand and nothing is going to shake me off that platform. Honor, respect, and love forever.
Maika, I'm glad you're feeling better. You always seem to rebound fast, but finding out your kids are meeting that guy was definitely a cause for alarm. It's great that you thought through it before acting impulsively. This is a skill we'll all benefit from learning!
Hey Nicole - thanks for dropping by. I definitely was not able to bounce back faster before. Something like this would've eaten at me for days if not weeks and I would've wasted away emotionally and drained my energy. DBing and doing the emotional work has allowed me to truly get at my emotions and understand them way better - the root causes and then doing something to chip away at the root cause. In this case it is me improving my self-worth and value. I keep at that with doing everything to the best of my ability every day - at work, with kids, with my personal goals. I do a check nightly to see if I operated with my values today and what I can do better. And I don't judge myself for failing. I take it as a data point, scrutinize it, and then plan to do better. It's been amazing when you get emotionally healthy and improve how you talk to yourself.
So, I had a brief chat with W today in person for about 15 mins. I basically laid it out for her in a calm collected manner. She explained to me why she did what she did - I wouldn't do it her way, but I at least understand it. However, she still went against our agreement and I didn't let her get away with that. The most I got was an acknowledgment, but no apology. it was absolutely hilarious to see.
There is so much anger still in her and she is not emotionally healthy. I said my piece and then it was pretty much over. She got slightly defensive but I was just cool and as a cucumber and it was intoxicating to be in that sense of detachment and control.
I will most likely meet the guy as he's going to be around the kids enough for me to put a face to a name and take a brief stock of him. I'll probably wait a few weeks to get everything settled. She wanted me to meet him right away and I could sense that this was a check mark for her to be like everything is all done and good. I'd like to make both of them sweat for a while, but also take the time to gather my thoughts and what I want to get out of this meet and greet.
She's still in fantasy land - wanted me to come over for dinner and meet him over food. I don't break bread with anyone who is not going to be in my personal life in some capacity. Also, amazed that she would think that was an appropriate thing to do. I'd be amazed to see if the dude would agree to that. It's absurd.
Anyways, I am doing dope and still on track with life. Thanks Davide for the reminder on zero expectations. I needed to remember that for sure for the meet with exW. Not getting an apology for her breaking the agreement was just telling and I almost wanted to laugh during our chat. She's still emotionally broken and a new relationship ain't fixing $hit.
Your interaction with your wife sounds great, not that you got the apology you would have liked, but you stood your ground without emotion or rancor. That is the way to handle these things!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
M.....one thing I have to keep reminding myself is that my Xw did not know her current bf at bd. At times I have to keep reminding myself that whatever feeling I have towards my Xw her bf has nothing to do with it. He had nothing to do with what happened to me, it is not his fault. He is just some dude, that finds my Xw attractive, and is now dating her. Sure maybe he didn’t use the best judgement in starting to date someone who wasn’t officially divorced yet but that is on him and again has nothing to do with what happened to me.
