Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[Gerda]

Marina, you made me cry like crazy. Thank God for your aunt and for your uncle and for Marina. XOXOXO

Did you see the song I just posted on my thread? I think you would really find meaning in the lyrics.

Also, have you ever heard of "The Moth Story Hour"? Look it up on line and you can listen/watch them. I think you should turn this post about your aunt into a Moth story and submit it to go on the show.

[marina7]

Westco and Gerda,

Thank you,
When I write I write from my heart.

I have said this before if I could write a book
About my life it will be a seller.

Someone who overcame many obstacles and still
Standing and never lost my faith.

From my bio mom telling me she rather
have a whore in a corner then a lesbian to
Abuse to lost. But I never lost my faith or my
Strength. Which I know I get from God.

I still wonder sometimes how am I still here or how
Did I get here. I know so many people have giving up
In life.

All I see in social media is people giving up in life.


Is sad. But when times get rough or am down I know
God has a bigger purpose.

Journaling,
So I talk to my uncle, he is 84 wow he getting old
I always see him as a 40ish man. Is like time never pass
I made sure I was strong enough to talk to him.

I haven't spoken to him since BD, I kept myself away.
When my uncle heard my voice he said M, my M how
You been.

I just wanted to cry and say I miss you and my aunt but
I was strong. His voice was different this time.

U, M I am not doing so well
M, I took a deep breath
U I been ill they found some skin cancer on right arm
M Is it because you love to fly kite
U yes because when I was younger I didn't wear sunscreen
M oh,
U I also fell my hip where I got replaced 10yrs ago is
Causing issues I am in a Walker.
M tears rolling down. I miss Uncle I would do
Whatever to spend some days with you.
U yes I would love that, but not now I don't want you to see
Me this way
M why I'll take care of you
U No not right now, life is hard for me
M yes but not that hard your talking to me.
U yes that's true
M you got more years to go
U yes momma lived till 99yrs old
M there you go you will live 101yrs old lol
U laughing
U ok M love you getting sleep because of medication
Call you this week so we can catch up on kids and W
M ok.
M I love you uncle
U I love you my little M

My uncle lives in Alabama so I will be planning a
Trip. Whatever it takes to see him.

It's been a rough couple of weeks,
Missing aunt
Birthday soon
2nd yr since BD of W not being here
Of course we can't forget Valentine's day.....

Lately lots of emotions and crying which I usually don't

Missing trio's is sinking in. But God has plan I know he does

Yesterday I seen trio's lots of hugs and missing me.

Especially d10 missing our dates.
So when we adopted kids we did date nights with kids
W with boys
And me with my d10.
D10 will get dress in a beautiful dress and I would get ready
Pick up a flower and ring the doorbell while brothers open
Door and interview me as a date. Lol
Yesterday d10 said I miss our dates. I replied me too Princess

Soon again.

So still no car neighbor help me pick kids up but didn't have
A ride for drop off. I called W as it's not out her way. W pause
But said Ok no problem.

I thought W was going beep it was ice raining but W knock the door
It's been months since she been over. I offered for W to come in
W hesitated, I laughed and said your Safe W promise.
W came in and stood by door.
I got Trios ready.

Interesting part was the dog, W was scared of him.
Remember we had a pitbull and husky before so this is
not new to us. I said he is sweet dog.

W yeah but he so big
M yeah, he looks tough but a big teddy bear
W yeah like you
M lol yelp
W looking around like paranoid
M I stood far away gave trio's kiss and reminded them
See you in 2 days.
W said go in the car.

W open door lets them out and closes door I stood far away
From her.

W says M I don't want to do this or keep kids away.
M ok, and is whatever
W you see M whatever that's your attitude.
M I paused and listen. I said W I think we have different language
Me saying is cool or it's what its is means ok.
W to me is like You don't give a F...
M ok am sorry you feel that way. My language is different from your
Language. I hope if you ever feel type of way please ask me directly
I care trust me but I am learning not to explode. I am learning in therapy
Alot and I am learning to control me and only me.
W staring at me. Literally we made eye contact W didn't look away.
W s9 is a handful.
M yelp
W omg he driving me nuts.
M welcome to tween years
W not me Nope..
M lol they are growing up
W got sad.. pause
W ok have a good night
M ok bye
W ok close the door make sure you lock up don't want anyone to kidnap you
Because your so beautiful.
M lol and Old
W smiled ok M goodnight lock up.
M ok W I will
W M lock the door
M yelp lol

W left, is like W didn't want to leave or didn't know or like she
wanted to say something but didn't . I didn't push I just was there.

I am curious why at BD they change completely then as time pass W
Seems to let go of herself. Even gained weight back. Hair crazy like
W rolled out of bed.

Again not looking to much into it just here for Trios.
As I am going to therapy and getting stronger and healing for myself

[marina7]

Good morning everyone,

Nothing much in this end,

Trio's had an amazing V day

So yesterday I pack them lunch
Made them homemade dip chocolate
Strawberries and with a homemade
Note
"Will you be my Valentine's date"

Everyone in school office was so overwhelmed
When they seen their surprise. They all 3 got a
Delivery in school.

D10 was over the moon. D10 felt very special but
Also felt bad because some of her friends don't have
A father.
D10 loves to explain that having two moms but mom M is a dadma
Mom M is like a dad but looks like a mom lol.

Yesterday is my weekend with them so I pick them up after school
My friend took me to pick them up. When I was there I had flowers for d10
And for the boys a balloon and heart chocolate.

There face was priceless. D10 ran towards me and jump and
says I love you Mom and yes I'll be your Valentine's.

The boys also excited. All of trio's friends where excited to meet the cool mom


As we go home I had a little candle dinner set up for us.

It was a great night.

I have realized I might not have much but we are making it, and to see
There faces is everything to me.

As for my car being fix might take months. The cost is $875.00 with labor
And parts
Which already W said
M you need to figure it out because I will not be picking them up from your house.
Smh our drop off site and to my house is 7min away.

S9 says it's OW tell W that W needs to tell me to figure it out.

I wake up to this morning a email that it's been 2 weeks since car broke and if W needs to keep
Kids until I figure out transportation because she is going out her way and that's not part of agreement

This is the part that I say am not sure who am going get. One day W is nice and one minute monster
I replied I understand your concerns as at the moment financially I can't there's nothing I can do
I have sold everything I have I have tap out all my resources. The car breaking was unexpected.

Now let's see what W has to say. It feels as if W trying to start another chaos.
Days like this am so tired. Tired of the chaos.

[Gerda]

My understanding is that the court wants to see that each parent is making every effort for the other parent to see the kids. Don't be afraid. Can you ask the court for help?

I think you live in a small city so you don't have zip car?

Is there a bus there?

Can you bike to get them and have a fun hike home? Do a treasure hunt all the way home?

I love that most of your post was all about love and joy. I would have started my post with the bad part and gotten myself all worked up. : ) You are the best.

[marina7]

Gerda,

Your right about start with the blah part then the good of it.

Unfortunately I live in a cold cold city. We had a vortex here
We are now having freezing rain.

But yes if we where in a city where TEMPERATURES where good
I would do walks with them. I will do whatever. Trio's are very
Understanding and knowing them they also will do anything so W
Doesn't go off on me.

And your right about the court and unfortunately W has the financial
Resources I don't. Best friend moved, and friends have their family but
When they can they do help. And God knows I appreciate them

[peacetoday]

Can you ask your church for help or ask if you can post your situation
or call a few churches
like in my area Calvary chapel is extremely resourceful
helping people all the time

Call Lakewood Church in Houston ask for prayers and suggestions

talk to people..
ask to see if anyone knows someone that could ask a favor-

call food kitchen ect
A lot of people dedicate their lives to helping-
I would guess someone at the church may be a mechanic or own a shop and be willing to repair for free or help
Even call a few mechanics in the area
tell them your story
I can see someone wanting to do this for you-I love the way you handled V day with them

I believe You will be blessed
hang in there

[DnJ]

Hello marina

You are handling yourself really well. And Valentine’s Day sounded like such a good time. You dear girl are doing very good by your kids.

W is flipping and flopping back and forth. She says one thing and then another. You are right, never quite sure who is going to show up. Even her actions seem to flip flop. I suspect OW is talking to her, feeding her agitation. You just keep taking the high road, and remain calm - and do it for you (and trio). W notices how you are and how OW is.

She is a hurting person, and you are being a very good role model and guiding light for her. She probably doesn’t even realize it, within her storm and battering waves, there is something there, something calm and comforting, a lighthouse in the distance.

Keep the faith.

DnJ

[marina7]

Peacetoday and DnJ
Thank you always for guidance

Peacetoday, I go to church but not a member
As you know I am a loner.

I do get help for groups and therapy and food to eat.

Now I have look into different places.
I found today a place where is a school of
Mechanic and be cheaper it will be less than $500

I am trying God only knows. I am baking and selling food
As I can.

DnJ yes W e everywhere yelp.
That's what I deal with I simply don't know who I get
MS NIce W or Monster W.

I believe W is stuck W might never see what's happening around her.
W does say M you will be bless, God is watching everything you do

I do believe W sees it. I just wish I can say can I borrow $500
Without W Judging or knowing W throwing it in my face.

I know God has his plan.

I read where you wrote W might be stuck, I believe my W is stuck
Or thinks I will never forgive her . Who knows W process.

I remind myself there's someone worse out here. I hate that I might
Have to tell W keep them for couple weeks until I figure out the car
Situation. I feel W is waiting for that as W already offered.

Just praying for God to keep guiding and a Miracle happens
Just enough to get car fix everything else can wait.

[Gerda]

Marina, I would do anything possible to make sure you keep your time with your kids. W can use that to show that you should lose time with them. Take cabs or at least take them out for lunch or something near W's place. Do not lose a second of your time with them, it will cause a risk for later! You should go and petition the court that W can drive an extra ten minutes to ensure they have time with you.

Marina's New Thread:

Just keep swimming, I know I can, New beginning