Thanks ovrrnbw. I was meaning to come back to this and krull, I hope you got the message that if you did or didn’t blow it, it doesn’t change what you need to be doing for yourself. Live your life. I don’t think you blew it but I don’t know the contents of the text either.
Originally Posted by krull
Why do I want to reconcile with her? I have played all my cards by the book and I see no results and it is actually getting worse
AS said it. Gonna get worse before it gets better.
Playing your cards right, standing, detaching, getting a life, all of that is for you. It’s not a gimmicky control tactic that will force the WAS back into your arms. It’s to prepare you for your better future with whoever that lucky lady will be.
I saw you said you been lurking, feel free to journal any time while time passes.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Mostly she was asking me about my taxes, I did not say anything about the relationship, basically she wants money and she is fishing for information, I only said my tax papers are personal and I can't share that info with her, I had to say this a couple of times because she kept asking.
I was doing good until she contacted me, I am staying busy with lots of activities almost every day I go to the gym, I am meeting new people and doing my best to save some money for whatever happens in the future, still she does not talk about divorce, I don't get it.
It is really strange, for a period of time I was doing really well, then the dreams came, almost every night for a few weeks, dreams of us talking things over, doing fun things, dreams with my son telling me you said you were going to guide me a care for me forever.
I mean, why? How much more GAL I am supossed to do? I am busy all day every day.
She's asking about taxes b/c she sees you as Mr. Moneybags right now, not for any other reason.
Those dreams, maybe talk to an IC about them. You may learn the why you seek. Or Google them. That's always fun and insightful. But the most obvious answer is that it is your subconscious expressing its desires/fears/etc.
What's your GAL looking like ( I know you said you are very busy)?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
It is really strange, for a period of time I was doing really well, then the dreams came, almost every night for a few weeks, dreams of us talking things over, doing fun things, dreams with my son telling me you said you were going to guide me a care for me forever.
I mean, why? How much more GAL I am supossed to do? I am busy all day every day.
I am experiencing this too. Some of my fears, desires, and questions find their way into my dreams. They manifest there when I try to keep my mind busy with other things but the mind plays these little tricks by pulling these thoughts out from their hiding places.
They're dreams. I try to leave them as that.
If you can make sense of it in a positive light, that's good. If you are letting them affect you negatively, I'd suggest trying to deal with them like with everything else, with patience and some understanding that you can't control them. I think once you can accept that, they may eventually lessen.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
My week is busy, I am working 50+ hours a week, I work out almost 5 days a week, I am taking meditation classes 2 times a week, also I just joined an animal rights activist group, I am meeting new people, I do enjoy meeting new people, maybe I am paranoid but sometimes I sense that the new people I meet can tell that I have a dark cloud over me.
A few days ago my city had a snow storm that almost paralized the city, I was a the bus stop waiting for 50 minutes, I dedided to walk home, I talked to myself out loud and some pretty lady heard me and asked to join me walking home, I was pleasant, I did not reveal anything dark about me or what I am going trough, I used the opportunity to practice validation, it seemed to work, but I am not interesed in dating right now, this girl was bummed out after I did not ask for her number, I think practicing validation on strangers is not a good idea.
If there is a dark cloud over you well I suggest you change the weather. Seriously, force a smile, put both hands in the air and scream "YES"! Act like you just won the Super Bowl, got a job promotion. Studies show that your thoughts affect your mood and thus your body language, but that those pathways work in reverse too. Take control, you can do this!
And I bet they don't see it like you do either, just saying!! I mean you said it yourself the one chick wanted you to get her number sooooooo I'm thinking you're just being a debbie downer right now! Think about it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I don't want to be a downer, separation is still fresh, I am not thinking of a timeline, it has been only 3 months and some days, I feel like I am betraying my W, as supid as this sounds.
I really don't talk to anyone about it, just to you kind people here, most of the time I stay quiet to my friends and family.
It is not healthy I know, but I already tried to talk to friends and family and their advice is very shallow or they want to know the ugly details, I refuse to talk bad about W even though she said very harsh things to me and did bad things to me also, I feel like I will not get anything positive from talking sh%& about her. Not my style. But it is consuming from the inside.
It is not healthy I know, but I already tried to talk to friends and family and their advice is very shallow or they want to know the ugly details, I refuse to talk bad about W even though she said very harsh things to me and did bad things to me also, I feel like I will not get anything positive from talking sh%& about her. Not my style. But it is consuming from the inside.
I feel the same way. I told parents about our separation but didn't go in to any details. I started seeing an IC recently to both work on some of my 180s, like my anger, and to have an objective third party to talk to about my W. It has definitely helped me. I would certainly look in to it because you can't just bottle it up, you need to talk about it otherwise it will eat you up.
