Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
What the F does that mean??
As long as your kids are living well at her house, her boobs and her bags aren't really of your concern. It becomes your concern when your kids have old clothes, clothes that don't fit, aren't getting their needs met, are being told they can't do basic things because of money.
I hate when people think mothers who receive child support should have nothing nice of their own and should be living bare minimum. What is important is that the kids aren't living bare minimum while the mom is living the good life.
ANd all those things you mention J, clothes at both houses, food, ect, is figured into the figure you pay. You pay to make sure your kids are living good 100% of the time. I have my daughter most of the time receive a little bit of child support and pay for a whole lot more than he does. Having the kid more equals putting out more money for things that are't even figured into the child support. ANd I have nice things because I earn them. My daughter has very nice things in both homes. Child support is what it is. I don't hate that I don't get more because I am the bigger breadwinner. It just is what it is. The day he continues to take his nice vacations and my daughter is deprived of something pretty basic or even nice that she deserves, is the day I will be upset about it.
What about the spouses that live the bare minimum because of paying child support. There are examples in both directions. Which is why they will never understand. Each case is different because there are spouses that pay and there are spouses that dont pay. This is one reason why I will never get married again until the marriage law in the US changes. It just isnt worth it anymore. And they wonder why kids are like they are. Unless one makes really good money, both parents are required to work just to make it now a days and the kids are the ones that suffer. I cant teach my daughter to be a woman just like a woman can teach a son how to be a man. I understand people are not going to like that comment but that is my opinion.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
[Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
WTF I didn't say anything???? I get into enough of my own trouble lol!
I agree Dawn, there are people who really abuse it. Like I said if the one receiving the support is living the good life while their kids aren't and you are generally doing everything not on your time, it's total abuse. But it doesn't seems as if J's ex is abusing it. Seems like she is a decent mother to her girls, she is fully engaged on her time and they don't seem like kids who go without unless there is something I don't know. Hey, I also live with the fact that 2 incomes are pouring into my ex's home, only one in mine, and CS is figured only on his. But it is what it is until my daughter suffers. But she's been on some pretty nice vacations, he does buy her nice clothes, and she has everything she needs there and it is generally nice stuff.
I also understand a blatant misuse of the child support money and if I saw that, I would absolutely hate paying it too! I get that!
And God no, flowers aren't too relationshipy You've been on 6 dates, you have had sex, you are celebrating the day, you are sexting, flowers ar appropriate. My dad used to send me flowers at work. It was a gesture to know you are considered and thought of. ANd Juju is so right. She's looking to see how you handle this.
It's just all common consideration with someone you are romatincally interested in. If she is worth her weight, it doesn't mean she is going to see it as pressure or as you are completely commited. She will just think it's nice.
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
thats what im here for, because franky i dont give a darn... hehehe
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Dawn70
[Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
WTF I didn't say anything???? I get into enough of my own trouble lol!
and you still find the time to get blamed lol.
Originally Posted by Joseph9
What about a nice mix.....not roses???
I would send a card, maybe chocolates, but no flowers. She hasnt brought up any relationship talk, so no need to send flowers.
Question is will she send you anything?
Rex
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
I can understand Js feeling as well. Wife hooks up with other men while hes working, takes his kids away from him 50 percent of the time plus he has to pay her? WTF.
But its ultimately set in place because of a$$holes like my ex that told me "You don't need money. Your parents can help you" ( He earns over 6 figures and I had to take him to court) and left me with about 90% of child care. Before we knew about secret habits, my lawyer told me all we could do is try to get him to take more time. (1.5 hours on Wednesday nights and 2 weeks in summer and every other weekend - overnights only spent when his mom is there) so I could work more.
BTW his 17 percent child support would not even cover an illegal basement apartment in the area I am forced to live in without leaving the 30 mile radius that his lawyer put in our decree, so he doesnt actually look like an a$$hole to others. I also am not able to build a 403 llke my ex can and lost my pension because I cannot work enough hours due to child care.
Point being - the system does not really work perfectly for either people. But its easily exploited
LOL. Thank God Rex took the pressure off me with that statement.
You send your wife/girlfriend roses no doubt but not someone you have been on six dates and are not exclusive with.
Listen, I'm telling you how to succeed with women. You don't have to follow my advise. But I guarantee that you just give the woman that waited 6 dates to sleep with you a card, and she will find another guy. A lot of guys at this age are willing to go that extra mile. So you put yourself out of the competition by looking cheap.
[Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
WTF I didn't say anything???? I get into enough of my own trouble lol!
So sorry....wasn't wearing my glasses. I should learn not to try to type or read without them. Totally not you. I should've said yes Rex some of us DO understand. I just can't embrace this whole getting old and having to wear readers thing, but denial is becoming futile with these mistakes.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I just can't embrace this whole getting old and having to wear readers thing, but denial is becoming futile with these mistakes.