Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[peacetoday]

I don't think any MLCer will find their happiness that way--with OW/OP

They may have been unhappy, but leaving and finding an affair partner is not the solution for the long term
maybe for the short term, it may work-

As I have seen from my XH-
He is a mess, His ow/wife and him were D or maybe now together
I don't keep in touch with them
But due to his last VM, and according to his friend that did speak to him- and her last FB Message...they seem very unhappy together and unhappy period-
this is 12 years down the road from bomb..
he is far from the happy, stable, successful man he left to become-
he never found himself
Time goes so fast

So I also wish him and his OW the best--as you do

but as far as it being the real deal-- I seriously doubt that- and will be surprised if it lasts

I think the more we bless them in their new R and approve of the OP/ the sooner it ends-

MY XH is probably a rare one because it lasted so long-they are basically addicts together- nothing more
She obviously got the worst of him as he was a sober hard working man with me-
-

[marina7]

DnJ and Peacetoday

Thank you so much.

I know W isn't happy but oh boy W makes it seem
Ow is amazing.

I will tell you this I have learned more to stfu and
Listen. Is it hard yelp because I want to scream and yell
And say that didn't happen but am learning just to stfu.

Journaling from drop off

So in court we should just use app
Nothing less or more due to W behavior
And I ask for it because I simply hate chaos, I
Realize I shut down.

So W gets out, taps in passenger window
I roll down, W ask same Questions about car
Literally same questions. I simply replied
Friend mechanic hasn't came by.

W ask some questions related to car and I answer
Also W explain about s9 behavior why she took him
To mental hospital, I just said W I understand but s9
And s10 and d10 behavior are normal preteens behavior

For W kids yelling and slamming doors screaming I wish you didn't
Adopt me isn't normal. Lol is all I can do because they not teenagers yet

I nodded and said W if you felt that was necessary then you know best

W said there you go always being a smart a&& M
M Am sorry you felt that was a smart answer
W it was like when I told you about cutting d10 hair
M I just shrug my shoulder
W exactly IDGAF shrug
M am sorry you felt that way, would have mattered if I said something
W silence
M looking at her
W well giggling
M exactly, am learning which battles to argue and not and d10
hair will grow back.

W I like this we are talking I like we can talk.
M I agree
W you don't think I would like us to do this more often,
I am so lucky OW doesn't say anything. I told OW if M
Needs me am going be there, M is my baby momma
M nodding
W I know your struggling right now and it feels everything is
going wrong. But God is going to bless you. You are an amazing
Women. I tell everyone how amazing you are and still. The way
you love our kids and your kind heart blah blah blah
M nodding
W I know and realizing alot and my mistakes. I shouldn't have taken
S10 or separated them. M you may think I don't love them. I adore my
Babies. They are my life. I hope you know that. I would die if anything happened
to you or kids.
M nodding.

So much was said it was crazy. So much back and fourth about how
OW doesn't make her choose. OW has told W she hopes we can all
sit down and have dinner and drinks and Kick it like friends.

Hahaha and that's when I said. I have enough friends W. Again
Am happy for you and OW, I wish you the best but my concern is our kids.

W look at me like a deer with headlights when I said I wish you the best and so
Happy W you found your happiness. W seem sad like wth.

And am not trying to keep track of W moves but W made eye contact with me
several times, W did also mention about asking d10 if anyone has ever
Touch her in wrong way because W remembers it happening to her.

I replied yes in school they have the bad touch and good touch.
W said yeah I don't want d10 to ever know what that is. I agreed
And said Sorry W that happened to you. Also I notice eyes watery
Like W needed a hug. I stood strong.

Moments like this I have to remind myself W fight I can't save her
Is so hard not hugging her and telling her your safe with me W.

Wow. I sit here and write this and not even 6 months ago
I thought MLC was BS an escape for bad behavior. I can see
slowly W has real struggles, and honestly I do wish W the best.

I hope W finds her peace, and hope she knows it wasn't her fault she
was a kid and her childhood stolen from her.

I am glad tomorrow is therapy because my emotions are everywhere
But I also know this is nothing New with W. But maybe W having
Trio's is helping her figure it out. Who knows.

I also know usually when W is nice is a big blow up so keeping guard

I know on April it's going on 2yrs since BD, it doesn't feel that long
But wow 2yrs.

One day at a time.

[Gordie]

Marina

Wow

This is so hard

Sounds like you handled yourself very well

Listening and validating

Allowed w to open up a little

Glad she is talking of her childhood trauma

Who knows what she is processing

But as you know she is still in crisis mode

Anything can happen next

Opening up

Closing down

Talking

No contact

As you said

One day at a time

[Gerda]

Marina, you are amazing.

[peacetoday]

Yes M

Great job!

Maybe she is making progress seeing your strength and admiring it-

hopefully she will trun a corner and help you more financially-

[job]

I agree w/Peace. You did great! As she sees you moving forward and getting stronger every day, she may very well start to gravitate more towards you and step up and assist you more in the way of finances.

Continue as you have and keep your expectations at zero. You are doing great!

[roist]

Hi Marina,

You are doing good and getting stronger over time. I liked how you responded to W, though I have one suggestion: I would not go as far as saying that you were happy for the two of them. Next time say you are happy she is happy but don't give your blessing to them. Best to say nothing about them. You were right though to not want OW in your friend circle.

Best wishes

[marina7]

Gordie,

Thank you, I must say I have learned a lot from
yours.

Keeping expectations at 0....

(((Gerda)))) Thank you

Peacetoday

Thank you,

As Gordie said in his post keeping no
Expectations. W mood swings are crazy

I honestly give so many on here Kudos because
this is the hardest fight I ever been in.

Job Thank you.

Roist Thank you, will take advice as W has mentioned
a couple times that OW and W would like us to be friends lol

[marina7]

Journaling,

Lately I been down. Lots of emotions
Lots of self healing.

Today is a sad day, and now that I reflect is since
February started, is my birthday soon and my aunt
Birthday today,who pass away 22yrs ago.

Where do I start with my aunt.

I was raised in east coast and a typical
Crazy latino home, bio mom who is a narcissist
Chaos family who always looks for chaos.
And here is me who never felt like I fitted in
Never liked chaos, or felt I belong in this family.

My aunt was amazing and uncle who she married
when she was 33yrs old he was in army and American
They had no kids and lived in suburbs away from the
City.

There was a story where my aunt offered my bio mom
Money to take me. From what I heard I was always
Dirty and matted hair. I remember my aunt and uncle
Picking me up always taking care of me. Pretty dresses
And we just hang out No TV just radio, did puzzles and
Fly kites we build them too, and cooking my
Aunt did homemade pasta,sauce and fresh
Garden. Those are memories
I will never forget.

Aunt and uncle where my safe place.
I remember bio mom kept me away from aunt when
Bio mom was having her days.

As I got older I would get out of school, after school
Pack a little book bag and catch 2 trains and a bus.
And aunt, uncle left me keys under a plant pot

I think bio mom was to high or crazy to realize I was
Gone for the weekend at 10yrs old.

I sit here now at 40 and say wow am bless I was never
Taken from a stranger. At 10yrs old catching a train and bus

But honestly I would do anything to be away from home
My aunt and uncle where my sanity I felt like I was not
going crazy. I always knew I could sleep and eat well and was
Safe.

I still remember the day I knew my aunt was dying.
I was 17 I was over my aunt was a healthy women
But this time look skinny to me my aunt was never thin

We where doing a puzzle and I then started taking
Pictures through Polaroid and I grab my little camera
And took her last picture of her and till this day I have
Carried that picture with me everywhere. No matter
Where I go that picture goes with me.

That also was the day my aunt said am dying
And honestly that was the day my life stop.
I remember saying No please as she crabs my hands
And says, am sorry but you going to be ok I promise
And I will always be with you M. And not even 6 months
After my aunt told me she pass from stomach cancer
And it spread everywhere.

I seen before my eyes a strong women just slowly vanish
I held her hand till her last breath. I remember my uncle
Saying, M she won't go because of you. You need to let
Her know is Ok to go so she can let go.

So that day May 13 1997 I went downstairs to kitchen
Took a deep breath, walk to her room and laid next to her
And I laid with her and talk with my aunt for like an hour and
Thank her for everything and how she saved me and what
She means to me. Then I whispered to my aunt

Is ok to let go. Just please watch over me. I love you so much
Is ok to go to God he is waiting for you, and I remember her taking
a deep breath and then gone.

My uncle was right, my aunt needed me to let go and it was the hardest
Part of me died that day also. But I knew I had to live to make her proud.

My aunt and uncle are amazing. They had a love I wanted when I grew up
I remember asking my aunt if she ever fought with my uncle because they
Where perfect. My aunt responded always.

Is easier to walk away and harder to stay. So M when you get married you
Fight for what you love and never walk away.

My aunt was the first person I told I am a lesbian and she reminded me
That always be me. And as long I am me people will love me because I am me

And here I am, I always been me.

So yes today is a hard day as I miss her and hope she sees how hard
I tried my best to keep my family together. As long I make her proud that's
What Matters to me.

One day at a time.....

[Westo]

Oh Marina, that’s a beautiful story.

Your Aunt is with you, always. She is watching over you. She taught you to love and has made you who you are today.....a beautiful, loving, warm human being.

Your trios will learn this from you too.

Big Welsh cwtches from me to you (((M)))