Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[Gerda]

I know you don't want to separate them but i wonder if you should propose that S9 to come stay with you. This situation is so unbearable for the kids. I wish you had money to hire someone who will really protect them! Can you take a part-time job just to pay for that?

[marina7]

Gerda,

Am doing whatever it takes, am cooking and baking from home and
Selling items.

Yes I need a lawyer who going advocate for us.

Am doing everything I can that I am allowed with my medical issues
But my focus is to hire a New lawyer who going fight for our.

I am breaking for my kids. W is doing whatever it takes to break them

[peacetoday]

Perhaps if the psychologist at the hospital could recommend s9 coming back with you
The doctor may be willing to help and I would intervene anywhere I could-

usually the social worker at the hospital may also help especially if s9 requests he feels this way since w and OW are abusive and he is not happy with them

I would also start contacting all free agencies regarding child abuse and safety and see if there is another way
to let s9 speak, and another judge can rearrange the living situation

also the school social worker may be able to advocate for him and have suggestions
My best friend is a school social worker at a HS and I will ask her as soon as she returns from a trip for advice-for you-

I know where I live I filed a paper many years back to speak to a judge to get my D then 14 years old a passport for a missions trip because her dad was unreachable and the state required both p[arents to sign for a child to leave the country
It costs 50$ back then and I waited for my court date..and then met private at the courthouse with the judge who signed the paperwork so D could get passport

[marina7]

Journaling,

I thinking am finding me again
I started cooking in the house and
Selling plates.

And let me tell you I have so great
Friends, they have said hope one day
You consider opening a restaurant.

Where I live am the only place that sells
My nationality food. To eat the food I make you have to
Drive to the city it takes like an hr.

Trio's are adjusting. D10 is having a harder time.
The boys tells me d10 and W argue alot.
S10 words like sisters and he chuckles

I did ask d10 how is she. D10 broke down and cried
I just listen.
Lots of W is horrible, W mocks me and it bothers me.
I listen and confirm and said I know how you feel and gave
D10 some advice. Example was to go to her room and listen to music
D10 I don't have a radio, I said ok take the one here. D10 just hug me.
And cried. I whispered is going be ok and remember 3 three stick together.

I do see a unity again in trio's. S10 does stick up for hos sibilings and has gotten
Punish, but he also says W is wrong and when something is wrong is wrong.

I have taught the trio's since babies that, To get respect you must give respect
And know matter how nasty someone is they never step down to their level to
Always stay strong. And they only can control their emotions.

As the trio's say is hard but they remember my words

So yesterday I had a little scary experience. I pick Trios up from
School as weekends I see them and every other day on the week.

The positive thing is the trio's are together and that's what Matters.

Well while driving I hear a Pop and then I lost control of wheel in truck

Thank God I think fast I put emergency breaks and hit car in park while
Telling Trios to hold on as I knew it was going be an impact.

My axle of front car broke off.

I have a older truck and we had a vortex winter here. Where everything was
Closed. It was bad. Literally of you didn't cover up you would get frostbite
I think with being a older truck and the weather it basically broke

Trio's where shaken up.
I made sure they where ok.

While getting us out the road in Walmart parking lot.
W pulls up, I guess W shops there and see truck
W ask everything ok
M yes
W what happened
M axle broke off
W could see truck and was in all
W how are kids
M good
W do you want me to take kids till you get help
M, I open door ask Trios if they like to go with W,
All 3 Nope. We are ok with you.

I look over and said they want to stay they are safe and warm in truck
W ok bye

I stood there in reality wanted to cry but I knew Trios where looking at me
And I know I must stay strong for them.

I called a friend who has AAA and ask can they help me get truck tolled
Then I called neighbor if they can pick me up. Neighbor said yes to give
her 30 min. So Trios and I watch YouTube and laugh.

S10 grabs my hand and says mom what's going to happen now
I said well toll coming and neighbor picking us up.
S10 says well our truck. We don't have a car.

I replied Trios don't worry I'll figure it out that's my job.

While waiting W called
W are you ok
M yes
W how did that happened
M I explained what I think caused it
W yeah that makes sense
W are you sure I can take trio's till you
Figure it out.
M Trios want to stay with me. They are warm and safe
W ok

15min later
W so I live 5min away are you ok
M Trios are ok I got them snacks
W ok am 5 min away if you need me
M thank you

20min laters
W I see your still out there
M yes neighbor on her way.
W ok silent
M ok bye

25min later
W hey
M wuz up
W are you ok
M yes neighbor is here we good.

W, M I don't understand why we going through this
I will forever love you. You are the mother of our kids
Am here. M why are you so stubborn why didn't you ask me to help
You. That's what always has caused problems between us. Your so
Prideful. M just ask that you need me you need help and I'll be there
Why can't you just ask.

M yelp. Got it.

W please call me when you get home please M
M yes will do

I just listen to W, I wanted to say so much but I didn't.
Wow. It seems like W wants me to beg for help. And maybe is
My pride who knows. But W seen what's happening why say
Ask me for help.

It's just mind blowing but it gets better.
I did call W back to say, Trios are safe
But W didn't pick up
Like 15 min later W calls
W Hi I see I have a miss call from you.
M yes Trios are safe.
W ok why you telling me this.

Yelp that's when I knew OW was there.

My question maybe someone can help me.
Is why Mlcers act differently when around OP
Is like two different people.

I simply hung up after W acted like I was calling her to
Bother her. I was in all.

I again have been going grey rock the last couple of weeks
Only one word when pertains to our kids

Yesterday was the most conversation in more than
2 or 3 months.

I can see it was working me going grey rock.
It was helping me, for myself.

So here I am trying to figure out what's next on
A vehicle.

[job]

I am so glad that you and the children are okay. That was pretty scary for all of you. God was riding in that vehicle w/you.

Now about the W calling and then pretending that you called her w/the OP in the room. They do this a lot! They do not want the OP to know that they are calling you or doing things for you because they have painted you as the terrible one and that is why they had to leave. Also, if the OP found out that they were doing things for the spouse, the OP will give them quite a bit of grief for doing so. The OP wants to be the only one in their lives and they do not like to share.

I do hope that all of you are okay today. You might be a bit sore from the impact. Hopefully you will figure out what to do for transportation.

[DnJ]

Good Morning marina

Sorry about the truck. Sure glad no one got hurt. Lucky it happened in parking lot at low speed.

The subsequent offers from W are interesting. She still watches you. She is confused and didn’t know what to do.

W, M I don't understand why we going through this
I will forever love you. You are the mother of our kids
Am here. M why are you so stubborn why didn't you ask me to help
You. That's what always has caused problems between us. Your so
Prideful. M just ask that you need me you need help and I'll be there
Why can't you just ask.

Remember the MLCer is driven by emotion, so her responses are based on her feelings or her reality at that moment.

Her first sentence is probably true. She doesn’t understand why you two are going through all this. She may have even felt love for you, then.

However, they are master manipulators and she knows you better than anyone else. She knows which buttons to push. I see the remainder of that paragraph as projection. She is prideful and is pushing the blame she cannot handle onto you. I am pretty sure the prideful honourable mindset of a marine is causing her some distress.

Follow her actions, not her words.

And that leads directly into the follow up phone call to tell her you were all safe. It was now a bother to her, and yes OW was probably around and caused a different outlook for her. Her words didn’t match her actions.

why Mlcers act differently when around OP
Is like two different people.

The OP is like a drug, an escape, for them. While lost in that embrace, running from their pain and demons, they are someone else for sure. Remove the OP, the drug, the escape - the will become someone else.

The MLCer is equating their happiness, their new life, with the OP and the affair. While caught up in those feelings they are fully justified in their minds to vilify you. They can blame you again, you are the reason, their old life is the reason, etc... Their tirades sometimes contain kernels of truth, something the LBS can choose to work on, for the most part it is projection of their pain into you. The venting of the MLCer is good, it helps to get it out of them.

When the MLCer is alone, they can think. They do not want that. However, in time, slowly, they process. Bit by bit, in the quiet of night, in the time wondering about their kids in a broken truck in the cold, or in times between running and escapes. While they are forced to face things, they look for escapes. Anything to quell their mind. You saw a little glimpse of that in her conversation.

If and when infatuation with OP runs its course and ends. That particular escape or drug will loose its potency. They may run further or they may look within. There will be a time without the OP’s affect or influence and they will “think and feel”.

You are correct with the observation of two different people. I, and my kids, have spoken to four different versions of my W, four different people living within her. it is super weird to watch someone transform right in front of you, right in the middle of a conversation. That must be so confusing inside her own head, it’s confusing enough outside of it.

Remember: They are running from themselves - always. This has nothing to do with you. They will project, blame, justify, vilify, anger, rage, whatever - and always are runnng from themselves.

One cannot escape themselves.

Best of luck with the truck repairs or new purchase. Continue to face this unfortunate event with grace, dignity, and strength. You should be proud of the example you are showing your children, how a person faces adversity and problems. That holds true for more than the truck situation.

DnJ

[peacetoday]

You handled it well

It is most confusing to hear and see the different sides of the MLCer

She may have felt bad that she cant help you and the kids in a time of need-
and thank God you were able to stop the car-
but she could have stayed and offered assistance until all was over -she chose to leave

Glad you are finding yourself-
and making food and thinking of a restaurant
and the kids are adjusting to new situation
You may start looking for opportunities because I believe when we do the right things as you are most definitely doing-
God opens doors

I would look around
there may be a restaurant that needs you and may eventually be yours

I would have never thought in a million years I would run our business
In fact I would have been content to make enough to get by and teach yoga-

keep your eyes on God and all the best
watch for signs
maybe you are being lead-to something with food-

so the living situation is 50/50? or when do you get kids

[marina7]

Thank you everyone,

Job, I honestly believe, God has been with me through
out this. Something told me to not panic and
Protect us.

Trio's where more scared, because they heard and felt
The tires. But when they see I was ok and calm and
I made them laugh they realized we are Ok.

And about W pretending I called her, yes that's weird
But also is not the first time. W is a total different
Person alone and when OW is around.
So that part am use to, it sadden me for the moment
But I know is nothing New.

DnJ
Hello sir,

Is Sunday here not much I can do. My friend
Who has AAA tolled my car so is here now park.

Hoping to get fix. New car at the moment I can afford
Hopefully a friend mechanic he be able to fix. But it might be
Month's from now. It will be a 800.00 to 1,200 job versus buying
A car. It's a older car but looks great. We had a vortex cold blizzard
And like anything old it broke.

Thank you for breaking down W emotions
The more days pass and weeks and months
I see clearly is not my fault.

I could see W was holding so much emotions
But as you said Mlcers speak so ill of LBS
How do they back track to everyone that M
Was and never been a bad person. Again W is very
Prideful I don't think W would ever say W was wrong.

Peacetoday,
I am taking it a day at a time
I always loved to cook and new I would like to
Open a small shop for only pick up orders.

But since bd that has became my therapy cooking
Up a storm. And I gotten better.

Your right about W. She could have but she chose not too
Financially W has money, but what I heard is OW controls
The money.
Example they just went again furniture shopping and lots of clothes
In trio's words. They say W has bags and bags of clothes in closet
With still tags. So part of MLCers is spending and shopping
And W does that for sure

I was more hurt as I just listen of W asking me
To beg her for help. As W stated I let my pride get in the way.

But my thoughts is if other shoes where flip. I would have stood there
And ask W let me please take you home and kids. But W was more
Concerned how I didn't beg for help or I am prideful

In W words, M just ask me you need my help.

But oh well... I only can control me. And God knows I would have been
There regardless of our situation because am human who cares for others

So where am located is a 50/50 state. And kids go to the school with
Better school numbers. So Trios stay with W for school but I have no limitations
Which I see them when I want and have all access to school, medical
And pick them up after school. What's hurting me for now is the drive
W use to live less then 14 min away then W moved and now is almost 30 min
Away.

I was more hurt because how do I loose time with them but this happens
In divorce. And Trios say they miss being tickled and tuck in before bed
Something I have always done even when I worked long hours I would make
Sure I would facetime them to say goodnight.

As I stated W was brought up not in a loving home. W isn't an affection
Person. Where I am more.

Journaling
So yesterday W did keep me updated throughout the day of car that
I left in Walmart parking lot. W would say Is still there.
Is still safe. Several times.

And W did call finally spoke with kids less then 3 min and then ask
To speak with me. I said Yes.

W, I was wondering did you get the car because I just went and
check again and is not there.
M yes it just got here. Thank you
W quiet
W ok so how they doing
M who
W laughed kids M
M they good under the weather but good
W ok do you need anything
M No thank God I have cold/flu here and juice
W ok so you want me to go get them tomorrow at your home
Unless car will be fix by then
M well is not that easy of a fix will take time and cost
W laughed well you know more about cars then I do, how you
Think that happened
M I went on to explain my best to maybe why it happened and
It was not because I did it.
W silence
W ok so please let me know if you need anything I know you
Don't have a car for now.
M ok
W so pick them up tomorrow from your home
M I'll let you know, but I'll have neighbor take me if need too.
W ok,
W ok ummm let me know then ok
M ok hung up

Such a weird conversation.
But I also know not to think to much into it.
But W is everywhere.

[marina7]

Maybe W having Trios will help her along the way
Who knows.

I again wish W the best.
I again can't imagine how she in mentally struggling
This must be hard for her. I do see her emotions are everywhere

But I also here W And OW are playing house very well.
Buying more things together. So I honestly think this must be the
Real deal for W amd I wish her the best.

As for me, starting to see more clearer as time goes by
And understanding more. And forgiven myself and learning
To stop thinking.

What If

I think we all LBS have those moments What If

I can see now W has not been happy W has been trying to
Find her happiness. I have look at it this way if W
Needed to go through this to find her happiness with me then
I'll be the punching bag.

I again just want peace and trio's happy.

[DnJ]

Good Morning marina

I again wish W the best.
I again can't imagine how she in mentally struggling
This must be hard for her. I do see her emotions are everywhere

But I also here W And OW are playing house very well.
Buying more things together. So I honestly think this must be the
Real deal for W amd I wish her the best.

Something the LBS struggles to get through - letting go.

You are working towards it, and making great progress. Letting go with love and compassion is very good for you, and I see you getting there, the “wishing her the best” kind of ideas.

You can see how much W struggles mentally. How her emotions are all over the places. I am changing a line from your post to see if this is more accurate - for you.

So I honestly think feel this must be the
Real deal for W amd I wish her the best.

I am pretty sure you intellectually “know”, you stated as much just before this. In all her struggles and conflict there is no way her and OW are the real deal.

Also you only hear that W and OW are playing house very well. I also suffered from that. My W and OM, out shopping, buying a new freezer, excercise bike, etc... Well that’s that, it’s the real deal, look at what going on DnJ, etc.. Well no. Just my feelings.

Your W and OW do not have a healthy relationship. They are playing house, convincingly, they have too, to convice themselves. That is what you see and hear about, the shinny outer veneer, not the relationship lacking in substance built upon a foundation of lies and deceit. It is true, their relationship may last, although the chances are against it. There is not much you can do in that regard, except to just let go.

Letting go is part of our emotional, intellectual, and spiritual paths - the feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Thoughts and feelings will influence your beliefs, try to remain accurate. Understanding our thoughts is much easier than “understanding” our feelings.

Feelings for accepted, thoughts are understood.

Let go in both thought and heart. Understand and accept.

Let it go to God.

marina, you are definitely seeing more clearly. Keep your heading while you move forward.

You are a very good person, and I know you wish her the best. We just don’t know what the best actually is. Have faith, He knows.

DnJ