I do believe it, immediately. Of course everything came zooming into perspective here and now. That's I think the gift that mortality gives us, when we confront it. We rarely confront it.
Just today my H said to me that his friend, my kids' godfather, had invited him to X-Mas. I was so disgusted that this man, rather than encouraging my H to go back to his family and see his own children, is funding his D and encouraging him NOT to be with us on X-Mas. And what I said to express this, as I do not express much to my H as far as commenting on his choices, was, "Hopefully (friend's name) will be the one to sit by your deathbed too." I am sure my H had no idea what I meant, and it was snarky of me, but it was that exact thing, that once you are facing that, everything really does become clear. I know that no matter what happens, it would be me and my kids sitting by my H's side and holding his hand.
But all that said, you do not know what will happen to your xH. He could have it or not, he could survive it with treatment too.
What do you feel? What are you scared of? Do you want to reach out to xH?
If you follow my thread at all, you know that I will say it is okay to love your enemy. However you are able to do that, even if it's from a place of no contact.
Sending you love.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
So sorry to hear this ((exquisitetobe)). I know that this is undoubtedly a blow to you.
While we both have undoubtedly had thoughts of bad things happening to our ex's we don't actually want them to happen.
Fortunately your kids are quite mature (most of the time) and they have you as their rock. I am sure you will be there for them. Their father though is in the hands of others.
(((exquisitetobe)))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I am so sorry to hear this news, but there are new medications and procedures being created every day. It sounds like he's not sure if he has the same type of cancer if he used the word "might". Until the diagnosis has been confirmed, no one can be sure of what he has. If he has cancer, I pray that they have caught it early and can help him.
A this very moment, he is facing reality and coming to realize that each and every day is a gift. We are told throughout our life that Christmas is a magical time of the year and miracles do happen during this time. I would suggest praying for him and asking the man upstairs to help this man heal and reconnect w/his family and friends during this time. This holiday season is a time for reflection of the past and future. The present is the gift that we all need to use wisely each and every day.
For now, sit quietly and the answers will come. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Gerda: i feel sad. I truely wished the man i fell in love with would resurface. The best friend i used to have. I could see a bit of his old self coming forward and i guess i secretly wished we could have been close again. My reactions caused a blokage. I was working on it. Unfortunately, we are running out of time. There is still alot of resentment and anger in my heart. My present is getting quieter as i was a chicken with her head cut-off for years.. with my 3 older children gone, i only have 1 left at home. My next struggle is stability and financial balance. I do not have benefit nor pension at work. I rely on ex-h for those things. Without him, all of it is gone. I thought about these things when we divorced but it all goes away once we leave this world. I am scared. My views: my choice of being a stay at home mom put a stall on my carreer. By becoming single mom, i chose a job with flexibility for my family over high wage. I was able to secure the children but not myself. Was i foolish? I beleive so. Without his support, i am struggleing big time. My children will have to step it up a notch and be less dependant on me. I will no longer be able to take the afternoon off just to take them do their arons. At least not as often as they are accustom to.
Andrew: i have said many awful things to ex-h. Many of which i have regrets. I am sure he feels the same. He was very narcissistic. His crazy ways were in his mind love language. The protector. I used to admire him and i had him on a pedastal. I felt safe by his side. I felt loved beyound what i could ever imagine. I beleived in him until bomb. Has time passed, i came to realise that this was not love. It was an addiction or an obsession but definitaly not love. I was destroyed. My self-confidence gone. My self trust, gone. My self-esteem and self worth, gone. I was angry. At him or myself? BOTH!! To this day, it takes me days to make up my mind on what to do next. I am afraid of my own judgement.
Job: i cried when i read your kind words!! ((( Job ))). They brought me so much comfort. Prayers!!!! God has never let me down. No matter what we had to face ( me and the children ), we were always fine. Many times in unexpected ways, ununderstandable ways, miraclelous ways!!
We will face this.. we will fight through this and we will be fine..
Thank you!!! Thank you!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!! Xoxox
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
((exquisitetobe)) - Slow down a bit. There's a fair usage of the word "might" in all this. There is an chance that he's just panicking over something that will never happen.
It is good that this has prompted you to give some thought to your future. Suddenly having a safety net pulled away can be difficult to deal with.
You have your kids and family around you who will make sure you are fine. My own mother was in a similar situation and my brothers and I got her set up in a nice apartment and made sure things were taken care of. Even though we lost her at 64, she had a comfortable few years of retirement before that.
I am surprised that you are still on his benefits and insurance although I do carry a policy with my own ex as a beneficiary.
You may want to talk to your bank about sitting down with a financial planner to go over things. Yes, your retirement won't be as comfortable and secure as you might want - although perhaps a handsome, rich and kind man will bump his shopping cart in to your's - but you can't count on that any more than you can on the lottery.
No matter what though, I am sure that you will be fine. You are a smart woman who is careful with her finances and aware of her budget. You are still young and have time in front of you to plan your path in to retirement. You likely have a few years as well before anything to do with your ex-husband will be pulled as well.
{((exquisitetobe))}
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
All of the missed calls were actually him. I would say at least 20 since he claimed blocking me access to him. Last week, i answered. I wanted to know if i was right and yes, i was. He is concerned about the children and wanted me to know he would support me if i needed his help. ( so kind of him but when i do need him, he shouts me out with: i can' t . ) He dictated what he wanted me to do and ended the call with "i' ve been trying to reach you for awhile now"..
Eventho the call was calm, i could not help the anger build up in me. All i could say was one word answers: yes/ ok/yup/ bye..
Today, Son had a dentist appoint. here in town. I took the day off and want to pick him up. His gf came along. While son was getting his teeth clean, we went to town. His gf started telling me that ex-h was trying to reach her because son was not answering him. But here is the thing.. She has no access to ex-h eiter. He does not want her to have his number.. lol
I don' t get it.. he is blocking himself from the people he needs when he encounter a hurdle with his children.. He can acces us but we can' t access him . Lol
He offered me his support yet i can' t reach him.. lol CONTROL.. pure and simple..
Do i expect more calls? Yes because i opened the door when i answered.
For lunch, we went to Subway. An officer came in behind us. I noticed his badge.. working with ex-h. On our way out, son kept looking at the cruiser as i pulled out. He asked: " is this dad? It looked like him" I answered: "probably, but i ratter not know! If it was, he will text you to see why you are in town." S20: " yes, that' s right. Unless he didn' t see me" Me: "why would only one officer go in? " S20:" yea he?? Lol "
No news on the heath front.. D22 does not buy into his claim. She beleives he got himself in the hospital by drinking heavely and getting his diabetis out of the wack. ( her words made so much sense to me.. it was timed with the phone episodes/ another lost for him creating anxiety / anger/ acting out out of anger/ and realising consequances of his action/ depression.. full circle..
exquisitetobe, I've had that happen as well. I think the creepy ones like to remind you they are always out there somewhere. That's why the thought of an actual divorce brings me no peace. They can still mess with you if they really want to. As soon as my son graduates, I'm moving far away.
I have been doing alot of thinking about the interactions over the past 2 years. I might regret this but i am going to try and be more open to ex-h. I still will not accept abusive behavior but i will be a better listener when he wants to talk.
As i told him : keep doing the same thing and you' ll keep getting the same result. This goes for me aswell. I am going to approach this differently and hope it gets bearable to be around him. Maybe this is the " friendship" they claim to want?
