Paternity can be established or denied by both parties agreeing that the husband isn't the father, but that cannot be done until after the child is born.
blackmac, do I detect you being happy about this possibility?
I wouldn't say "happy", but more like "well, that would be funny in a cosmic sort of way". At this point, I have zero interest in her coming back (it would take a miracle for her to even begin to realize what she would need to do to win me back). My interests are solely to keep S safe and get some serious healing time for myself. It's been 1 year and 14 days since she walked out. It's been 1 year and 3 days since I found out about OM #1 and the narcissistic abuse started against me in full force. Over the past year, I've been documenting, recording, and researching to come up with a plan for what I need to do.
Last night, I went for a drive. S was at W's house. I decided to wait till "overnight" hours and drive past to see if OM #4 (confirmed, but who knows how many others there have been) was there. He was not.
But OM #1 was, because he's now dating her roommate.
I grabbed some pics of his car there, and this morning I sent them to my attorney, and sent them to W in the court monitored app along with the court order that would make that a violation. She denied that he was her paramour. I responded with text messages between her and I, a description of our conversation, the fact that she admitted it, the fact that I had confronted him and he admitted it, and some extra texts to show her gaslighting me afterwards.
The rules state no paramours between 10pm and 7am on the same premises. She said he wasn't one. I sent the definition of a paramour.
Right now, I'm all for ending this whole ordeal. It's been a total nightmare for over a year now, and I just want some peace and for her to stop the mental/emotional abuse.
So, I don't care if she's preg. That's on her. I would have to wait longer for resolution, but then she'll have to deal with the fact that she clearly DID act out, and everyone can see it. She's great at hiding the things she has done, calling me abusive, trying to make me think I was crazy. That game is over.
Do I still love her?
I don't know. I love the person she seemed to be. But this person isn't that person. This isn't my W. She's the mom of my S, and I'll always encourage them to be close...but I will absolutely hold her accountable for her bs, because what she's done (and continues to do) isn't good for S to be a part of. I'm not having that.
People who are done don't do all of what you just did. I didn't mean are you happy about her being preg, I meant are you happy that would mean it delays the divorce? I've been with you on this journey since the beginning. I've seen you use any excuse to stall, delay, and hedge on the D. I realize D seems like a nail of finality. It is merely a step in the process. I think what it would let you do is finally really let go of the rope. I don't think you've ever done that fully.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Free yourself some more B. Let her go, truly go, from the heart. Move forward.
I am.
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People who are done don't do all of what you just did.
I don't really care if I ever get married again or not. Right now, I'm saying that's not in my future. I know that delaying the D could be a good thing if W ever decided she wanted to work on things...but she literally said that she DID a day before mediation, when she said she DIDN'T.
I've spent a lot of time today going through back texts, screenshots, etc. documenting instances of her being mentally and emotionally abusive towards me (and there's a LOT).
The difference now is that I understand that 1) she's VERY abusive and manipulative, 2) she has intentionally kept me on the back burner for when she wanted attention from me or someone to scapegoat for her problems, 3) I suffered some pretty severe mental and emotional trauma because of her, 4) she really, truly doesn't care for S or I...only herself, and has used S to get attention for herself (and I've documented that as well).
She's not exactly safe to be around at this point. She's starting to have people at work get involved in getting me to do things she wants me to do (like the president of the company), and I'm not letting her push me around.
I'm not even going out of my way to contact her.
I know D is a step in the process. But beyond that, she's got more work than I believe she's capable of to prove that I should trust her, because for the past year, literally EVERYTHING she has said was a lie or an attempt to hurt or manipulate me.
I've let go of the R rope. I'm not done with the "healing from abuse" one yet though.
I've been thinking too much about her the last couple of days.
I know, I need to stop.
Sorry. Just needed to get it off my chest. I've been doing so well up until this past week. Probably because it's the anniversary week of the OM discovery right after the split. A couple of them. It was all pretty fast.
I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with other things, I really, really am.
But tonight, for the first time in a very long time, I cried.
(((Blakmac))). Hang in there Balkmac. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Hating her is just the other side of the coin...it still takes just as much energy. Focus on you. You will not feel this way forever. Time and distance will always, always help...try to give yourself both of those things. (((HUG)))
Just over a week ago, W asked me to change weekends with her so she can "work" on spring break weekend, then she would have S for three weekends in a row. I told her I would have to think about it.
She waited till the last minute to write her work schedule. I didn't ever give her an answer (I had decided that if she tried anything funny, I would be glad to keep S with me, but I wouldn't be switching weekends). She messaged me today and said she got someone from a different store to come work, and her schedule is now all morning shifts with Saturday off, and she would have a normal weekend with S.
Which is a good thing. I'm sure it may have had something to do with me not budging for her sake (probably wouldn't have had to work and just wanted to party), or the fact that I've been uploading TONS of evidence in the court-monitored app that would work against her. But she finally decided that for this once, she's going to be a mom.
I thanked her for letting me know and asked if S would be staying at his grandparents on Saturday (which is usually what she does). She said no, he would be with her.
I politely stated that (and forgive me, this isn't going to sound as polite as I put it in the app) I have given evidence of her paramours being at her house while he's there, and if I find out that it happens again, I will be pursuing contempt of court charges against her for breaking the standing court orders forbidding any paramours from being on the premises with S overnight.
Even if it's an old paramour that she's not currently dating (because they hooked up before she filed the first time and now he's dating her roommate).
I'm taking a very hard stance against her now.
And honestly, I hate it. I guess I still have some sympathy and love left inside of me for that horrible girl.
I don't have any hope for R. None.
But that doesn't mean I don't wish it could be that way.
