It is pretty fascinating. Now that I know I try to stretch myself when the opportunity presents to help me practice being more direct, etc.
For example, making dates with ladies. Being direct with telling her the time, place, and date. I would have never known how important simple stuff like that is even in a LTR.
I am still very much a work in progress but I do feel my confidence growing. The true test will be if I can maintain when I do meet someone and there are emotions involved.
Looks Like our marriages had alot of similarities in the failure. I actually do appreciate my ex in making me realize the mistakes I was making such as placating her and putting my worries on the back burner. Not that she was aware of these issues, but it did affect our marriage. Main things I learned was respecting myself, going after things I wanted and not waiting or procrastinating (your mind can really talk you out of alot of things), respecting rejection and fearing regret( I would rather hear a not interested or know that I failed at something, then wonder what could of happened if i tried), having a IDGAF attitude on what people think of my thoughts, and knowing that if someone doesnt like me or respect my boundaries then having the confidence to next them or show them the door, there are over 3 billion women on this earth no need to waste time on ones that are not worth my time. No need to be afraid of making them upset or uncormfortable, because that is life. Also being happy in my life and realizing that I am ok with being single, knowing that a woman doesnt make me happy, I make myself happy.
Rex
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Well live and learn I guess. I read the Rational Male and it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Probably one of my best reads to date.
Anyway date tonight at 8 pm. We are meeting at a local establishment in the town we live in. I have my daughters basketball practice until 7 then I have to drop her off at her mom's so I will be rushing around a bit. I am starting to get a little nervous but I have no idea why. I have not spoken to her since I set up the date on Monday afternoon so that might have something do with it. We did not have a ton of back and forth conversation, she was also not wanting to mess around with idle chit chat. The girl I dated for a month blew up my phone right from the beginning so we had talked quite a bit so there was more of a comfort level so that could be it. IDK.
The last time I encountered a girl like this who did not blow up my phone never initiated contact with me. We went on 1 date, we kissed, she said we should do it again some time but I was never able to get her out on a second date. I texted her when I got home that night and she responded within 1 minute letting me know she made it home safe, etc. She didn't ghost me or let me know it wasn't going to work but she never initiated either. Maybe she just thought I would get the hint and stop reaching out. Well eventually I did and she never initiated so obviously she wasn't that interested. She is still active online so I assume I didn't blow her away. Anyway I guess we shall see what happens tonight with this girl and if the pattern of not initiating contact continues.
The last time I encountered a girl like this who did not blow up my phone never initiated contact with me. We went on 1 date, we kissed, she said we should do it again some time but I was never able to get her out on a second date. I texted her when I got home that night and she responded within 1 minute letting me know she made it home safe, etc. She didn't ghost me or let me know it wasn't going to work but she never initiated either.
Also depends on the ladies Occupation and whether or not she has free time. Not alot of contact seems normal for me as you two havent met yet. You two dont know much about eachother and thats what the first meet is for.
Rex
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
True. She is a Doctor and a full time mom to a 7 yr old boy so I assume her time is limited. I could tell by how her dating profile read that she doesn't have time nor wants to play games. It was very straight to the point about who I am, what I want, and to not be offended if I don't respond to your email. She conducted herself in the same manner when we were emailing on Sunday. After about 4 or 5 exchanges she got right to the point and essentially asked me out. So I gave her my number, told her to text me which she did that night.
Had the date last night. It was fun, had a good make out session at the end in the parking lot and the conversation flowed good. She was a little shy at first but could tell she started to open up as the date continued. I could tell that she was following my lead. She had a glass of wine and got a beer. She finished her wine first and waited to get another after I finished mine so I thought that was interesting.
No plans for a second date where made and I did not text her when I got home. It was a weeknight, it was late, and truthfully I just wanted time to my thoughts to reflect. If she was of had a long drive home I would of but we both live 10 min away so it wasn’t like she had to go 20 miles away.
So when do I reach out? I would like to see her again.
Ok will do.....I assume she is or she wouldn’t of shoved her tongue down my throat but I have seen crazier things. She actually seemed relatively normal. Married once, stayed with her x for 11 years. It sounds like she just completely lost attraction for him. Said he gained 40 lbs and could not get an erection. I guess over time the attraction just went away. I guess her lack of sex could be good for me
I think the rule in swingers is you wait six days ;-). Glad the date went well!
Originally Posted by Joseph9
Married once, stayed with her x for 11 years. It sounds like she just completely lost attraction for him. Said he gained 40 lbs and could not get an erection. I guess over time the attraction just went away. I guess her lack of sex could be good for me
ohhhhh so she's a former WW. If this were me, if she gave me that reason as to why her previous marriage ended... I'd never talk to her again.
I hope there was more to the story than he gained some weight and couldn't get it up, so she ended an 11 year marriage with a child.
I had not been married for long, and I was in my 20's when I was married, so we were pretty attractive to eachother. But I imagine couples do lose attraction for each other at some point. I bet it returns too with some work.
But I imagine if marriages were ended for a 40lb weight gain, a lot of people would be divorced.
J- for fun, I want to bug you about something you said.
You have expressed you were very adamant about dating non-smokers. But you chew that nasty skoal stuff?! Barf! Blech, gross! I had a boss who used to chew it and spit it in a Snapple bottle and it was so gross. he would leave it on his desk.
I was a pretty full time smoker before child. I quit when I began IVF. I enjoy one every now and then still if I'm drinking enough. M smokes, but not heavy at all. It's just funny, because I can't tell you how many people put they are a non-smoker on their dating profile and how many actually ended up being smokers. It doesn't really bother me too much as long as you aren't a chimney.
