Nope. So I googled. Unsurprised to see Jordan Peterson. You've suggested before that I would be interested in his work. One of the first results was a Quora article that discussed how his philosophy of narrative also implied the creation of a reality based on that.
Mostly, I thought of JP because he's Canadian and he's had very vivid, and apparently somewhat traumatic, dreams himself. You two have a couple of things in common.
Much like Sam Harris, I've always been a "materialist" philosophically. In other words, the material world is our reality. But, Sam Harris believes that consciousness is just a thinly veiled shell game that gives us the illusion of being free agents in a deterministic world. I never could swallow that.
I don't think Peterson believes that narrative creates objective reality (the world of objects). I think he believes narratives creates our perceptions of the objective world as well as providing the impetus for taking action in the objective world in order to manifest a certain result (i.e. decide what we want, set a goal and take action to work toward that goal).
We're so familiar with doing the things in the real world that we forget how magical the process of creating something can be. I'm helping my youngest son build a go kart and it's a wonderful process of going from conception (pure thought) to an actual real world object based on the original concept that didn't exist in the physical world. In the context of everyday life, we call it work, but when you're building a go kart, it's pure fun.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Funnily enough - my ex-wife was like that. She would come up with things and then believe them to be true like the time she said that we were dry-walling the front porch (we weren't). I do think that she told her narrative of the world she wanted, rather than the one she had and presumably still does. It used to annoy me when we were married. Oddly, I think that when asked direct questions by me about her affair that she never lied. She could have easily gas-lighted me. Odd that she didn't. Perhaps she respected me too much to do that. We can hope that to be true.
My wife (now XW) did the gaslighting thing; I was questioning my own sanity. But, she had issues with dissociation because of childhood trauma, so I'd bet that she actually believed some of the stuff that she told me. I don't know and I'll never know.
Last edited by job; 12/27/1807:55 PM. Reason: edited a word for doodler
There's a favourite artist called Dave Kellett who recently did a cartoon titled "anatomy of Dale Carnegie" - check it out - it's fun especially because of the nicely drawn bow tie. In there, it summarizes "how to make friends and influence people" as "you be nice, people be nice back". It also mentions how important it is to remember people's names. Something I'm horrible at. One thing that my ex felt that she was good at and something I am and try hard to do is to listen and remember. In my ex's case I don't think she ever noticed when I stopped talking sharing.
Anyhoodles - on Friday nights on the way home I usually stop at the beer store and pick up a couple of cans of Foster's Lager. There's a nice young lady working there and we usually pass the time of day. I've been learning about her and her interests so when I stopped in this past Friday I was able to ask how her birthday went (boxing day - she turned 29), how her son is doing yadda yadda yadda. I think she was rather flattered. She's mentioned a significant other and in-laws in passing - not in a "I'm single so back off creepy old man" way - just being friendly. I always get great service and she's a sweet kid. She's been under the weather for a bit lately - hopefully feeling better soon.
I think it's good practice for the whole getting to know people organically and generally just being part of a community thing. I will admit that if anyone doesn't know I'm single withing 20 minutes of meeting me, I'm off my game Personally I am a believer in community and if she happens to mention to an acquaintance "hey there's this nice grey haired dude who comes in Friday after work who happens to be single" that can be a good thing.
Speaking of people knowing I'm single, I had an awkward and odd encounter at work on Friday. I was looking through boxes to see if there was one suitable for some stuff I'm purging and mentioned to one of the clerical people (asking if there were other boxes) that I was purging some stuff from my ex-wife that I didn't want. She seemed surprised that I was single (where has she been living - under a rock?) and was extra surprised when I said that I wasn't dating anyone. Earlier in the day though she had come to ask me a question and while standing there had put her hand down her top to scratch. Yeah - ew. She's cute enough but is one of those people who expects others to do her job for her and who refuses to learn new things.
I'm 90% sure she's single herself and after she learned that I was she seem "very friendly". I beat a retreat without any boxes.
--------------
Today was a pretty typical Saturday. For excitement's sake I've decided that I'm switching from briefs to boxers. Yeah - I know - craziness. I switched the types of undershirts a short while after my ex left. If she were to see my laundry line next spring she'll perhaps wonder if I've moved out
At the flower shop the owner already had my roses out before I walked in the door. We had a nice chat. She is in many ways a better match than FSL other than the fact that as far as I know she currently has a boyfriend. She's closer in age to me for one thing. She did seem very happy to see me. As we were chatting (she thought my Christmas pies looked quite tasty and was fascinated by the idea of a pie bird which I could see the wheels spinning of "would these sell here") FSL came in in an absolute rage about the fact that she had a problem with the service getting her lunch-time sandwich. I was rather startled. I knew she had a temper but to me what she was complaining about was pretty small potatoes. I was counseled to run which I did at a moderate walk wishing all a Happy New Year.
I took a chance later to stop by the gift shop in the village where I first apologized for not bringing in coffee since the cafe was closed. My bonafides established, I mentioned that I was looking for a new swag to replace an old one that I have and browsed briefly. We ended up chatting for well over an hour (the shop was dead). It turns out that GSL knows how to weld which I think is a pretty awesome skill and she has a pretty varied history. She was in a major car accident about 4 years ago which I think has given her some lingering problems. When she found out that I did "computery" things she asked for help with her shop Facebook page. I did tell her that there was a very limited number of people that I would help out but said that I'd have a look. I left shortly before closing time (4:00) pretty sure that I've at least made a new friend. It was funny when I was in there that another person came in to talk to her about some things that he could supply (it's a consignment shop) and recognized me even though I had no clue who he was. Introductions were made. I also made a point of formally saying "Hi my name is" to GSL just before leaving which was returned. I'm pretty sure that she's maybe about 5 years older than me. Certainly not much younger than me if at all. She does seem nice if perhaps more than a bit "complex".
I think that she thinks that I'm an interesting person and our paths will certainly cross again. She is certainly interesting to me but perhaps not in "that way". I get the impression that she's not good at sticking with one thing for a long period of time and tends to spin off in different directions on a whim. Kind of a cool lifestyle and one I respect but not really compatible with mine. We'll see.
Well - time to get my new underwear out of the dryer (exciting isn't it) and to get the left-over chili heated up for my dinner. GSL was impressed with my tales of soup making prowess and I may be doing a butternut squash soup on Sunday although I was also thinking of tossing squash cubes in duck fat and baking that. Such tough decisions in my current life.
2 days until the New Year. I have snacks procured. Smooches will not happen this year unless a true miracle happens. S24 might be spending it here with me so I got a shrimp ring which he loves and I don't.
A bien tot mes ami.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I just want to say a big Thank You to everyone who has walked beside me, both those who are still doing so and those whose paths have gone in other directions.
A quiet evening is planned here at Chez P. S24 staying in as well. His prior plans had been canceled and "of course" he's not spending it with his mother.
I had an odd occurrence yesterday morning. I have a nice "welcome" sign on my door that is shaped like a heart with a star and "welcome" nailed to it. I put it back up a couple of days ago replacing the Christmas themed one that I had up for the season. Yesterday oddly, while the sign was still on the door, the star had "fallen out" and was in the flower beds. Vandalism? Small elves? Ghosts? All unlikely in my little village with the exception of ghosts who have snuck in to my house and broken wine bottles. The wind and random movements of the cosmos is the only answer I can come up with. The sign is all fixed but it is a puzzler.
I did get a couple of messages from GSL with respect to some questions on her business Facebook page. She seems like a nice person - certainly nothing beyond friendly there but it is still early days.
For interests sake I spent a couple of hours this afternoon (only half day for work so I stayed home) and put together a spreadsheet doing a financial comparison going back to 2010 as part of fine-tuning my 2019 budget. It was a bit of a challenge as I was using QuickBooks up to mid 2012 which I switched to YNAB and then closed those books at the end of 2016 and started a fresh set in 2017. Some some math was required especially since I've made some significant changes over time to how I record income and expenses.
It was interesting to see how things changed over time. My grocery bill for S24 and I is still about a thousand smaller than what it was for my ex and I. It does appear that the incremental cost of S24 being here is about $2k in that category. Clothing has of course gone way way down as has entertainment.
Not making car payments is of course a major savings but that is intended to change in 2019. The amount that was being sent to the kids was very significant and now is more or less nothing. Just S24's life insurance. S24 happened to wander by as I was fiddling the numbers and so I showed him the numbers and pointed out those ones where I save out of every pay like insurance and property taxes.
The income number of course went way down fairly significantly but because here I pay support with "before tax" money I got a fair bump up in income due to a decrease in taxes. In fact I got an increase of roughly half of what I pay out. Also since I now only have budgeted for S24's life insurance which I've been nudging him to take over, there's a nearly $10K savings there compared to 2017. Both of those combined essentially off-set the entire amount of support I pay.
One of the things I was looking for was to see how much of my expenses was related to my ex and if with her income no longer contributing as well as the spousal support on how comparable the numbers were now vs to when we were a functioning family unit. The impression I get is that I'm actually slightly ahead of where "we" were as a couple. Weird.
I've put in a fairly large number for vacation next year and may go to Spain for a week. CL had assured me when she was "bombing" me in the summer that she would go with me and ensure that I was able to order tapas without worry. I do wonder what's up with her these days. I've not heard anything from her other than that one note in response to my post Christmas message. I may send her a "Happy New Year" at midnight. Or maybe not.
I went back and re-read my postings from New Years Eve / Day from the past couple of years. It is indeed amazing how far I've come. 2016 I still had hope and was very wrapped up in doing my best to protect and preserve. 2017 I was largely indifferent but still in a fair amount of pain. 2018 - well - I'm doing OK overall. It does cross my mind to wonder how my ex is doing. We usually spent New Years Eve in cuddled up together reading and watching Dick Clark. "Interestingly" for NYE 2015 we had unusually for us gone out and visited a few neighbours and stayed at a party with her "bestie" where she loudly announced that I had been worried about her having an affair and how silly that was. That was perhaps a week or so before her affair went physical and 3 months before bomb-day. I do believe that she spent part of the party telling people about her wonderful new guy and how oblivious I was.
I have picked up the "traditional" snacks that we would normally have that I'll cook up in a couple of hours for S24 and I to share. I'll perhaps use the new serving bowls I picked up on the weekend at a local discount place.
I do confess to some mild curiosity as to what she's up to tonight. Spending time with her guy? Out with friends? Home alone with her incontinent Pomeranian wondering what I'm up to? The freezing rain is just starting now in earnest (hope the power stays on) with heavy snow also possible. Staying put is certainly the wisest course. At heart I think she is perhaps still the conservative matron she was for most of our married life. I've not had any new information passed on so presumably she's not posted on social media about her Christmas or New Years - truly odd but the pattern of her life now. In her tunnel with the end pulled in after her lest anyone judge her.
I did some more purging on the weekend, going through the dining room cupboards and the downstairs bathroom. If I didn't know what it was and haven't used it, it went in to either the donate box or trash. In the bathroom there were three jars of sand and shells from past vacations that my ex loved. I did separate the sea shells from the sand and set that aside for 20 something who said she wanted them and tossed the sand in to the yard. I'll need to perhaps decorate the shelves which now look quite barren.
Well - I need to do some dishes and I have a library book on the pre-Columbus history of the Americas that I was finally able to renew and will hopefully finish this time. I do need to try to find Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve on my Apple TV later. That is a tradition that actually pre-dates my ex but one that she participated in for many many years.
Best wishes all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Quiet evening last night. A bit too much chicken milk and wine was perhaps consumed but I am unsupervised. S24 was physically in the building but spent the evening in his room only emerging to scoop up half of the snacks after I prepared them.
I wasn't able to reliably find Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve streaming but did watch the ABC News feed which was just mostly people standing around being cold.
I did have a bit of a startle fairly early in the evening when out of the blue I got a "Happy New Year" email from the nice lady I had a date with in late 2017. She used to run the local bookshop but is now retired. Since I'd had a couple of glasses, I let it sit until this morning and emailed her back returning the wish for a great 2019. It seemed like a fairly obvious fishing attempt and while I do quite like her there was no chemistry.
At midnight I gave my cat Amy a big smooch which she endured for a short while and then texted / messaged some special friends (yes including CL) and family a Happy New Year. I stayed up for a bit and watched a short movie and then off to bed. ZZZZ - a normal single guy New Years Eve. As of this time, CL still hasn't picked up the message I sent. She's not very active on social media though.
One thing different this year was that I really had little curiosity about what my ex is up to and was in no way tempted to reach out to her.
SIL1 who loves to speculate and who is still connected to my ex on FB sent me a meme late yesterday "what would you do if your ex knocked on your door and said "I have no place to sleep" ". Well, the reality is that I would make up the spare room for her and make her a nice breakfast. Just what I'd do if pretty much any random person knocked on the door in trouble on a cold winter's evening.
I do know that my ex is still regularly on FB because my daughter posted a lovely picture of her and her H just after midnight and this morning there was a "like" on it that I couldn't see. But she doesn't put anything out there for anyone else to see.
I will admit that I feel quite sorry for the sort of life I believe that she is living. It is absolutely her own doing and the result of her choices. She could have diverted from the path she took any number of times. To quote a favourite author Terry Pratchett - "There is always time for another last minute". That is certainly something that I learned over the last few years. On bomb-day all I could see was darkness in front of me and thought that my life was over. I couldn't imagine a life without her nor could I imagine a life with someone else. After all - I was old and ugly and who'd want me? And I really had no where to turn which is when I came here and found a community of people who I hoped had the answers to fix what had gone wrong.
Well - I've learned that I'm not all that old. Also to my surprise a (small) number of very beautiful, charming and talented women have made it clear at one time or another that they like spending time with me. And I am confident that when I put myself out there, that I can indeed find a charming woman with a kind heart and sense of humour that I can spend time with. I've also learned that there is no rush to do this. I've additionally learned that there are a large number of very kind people out there who have helped me to stand up when I've felt like I couldn't move on.
I contrast this with something that came as a bit of a shock to me yesterday. One of my nieces had split from her boyfriend a few months ago and I believe had moved in with her brother with her two boys. Last night she posted pictures of herself smooching a new guy. She's 27 so perhaps things move at a different speed. I regularly notice people going quickly from one relationship to another and sometimes wonder "what's wrong with me?" and then turn it upside down and ask "what's wrong with them?"
On the other hand my ex went from happily married to affair and throwing it all away in the course of just a couple of months. I know that I'm impulsive but sheesh! Time and distance has given me I think a better perspective on what happened and why and I think that there were multiple factors and actors involved in both pushing and pulling her down the rabbit hole she ended up in. Depression and menopause undoubtedly played a part as well. I would expect that she's through menopause by now and has been for some time. Like many of us BS types, I wish for her to have a better future than the present that I imagine her to be living. One where she's often alone and has isolated herself to a degree that she's unable to enjoy this wonderful world that we all share.
Will she be able to find the strength to do that? Aye - there's the rub. In comparing her and her path to others that I've read about and witnessed, she's not nearly gone as far off the deep end as many. She's kept her job. While she undoubtedly has started smoking pot from time to time she's unlikely dealing with any sort of addiction. As far as I know she's been "faithful" to her guy and is not hopping from bed to bed. He well might be but I doubt if she is. She is most likely still at her core the same person that I adored, respected and loved for more than half of my life. A strong woman who wants to be loved and respected. Yes, she had and undoubtedly still has many flaws - none of us are perfect. But as I mentioned earlier, does she have the strength and courage to accept what she did? Thinking that over carefully, I think that the answer is yes - but in time. If she were able to get the brass ring she risked everything for I think that would be a key thing to push her towards acceptance. Without that, she will have to pull herself up.
But that is her story and no longer mine. And my narrative may well not be her reality.
Well - enough philosophy for now I suppose.
While typing this up, I've balanced and largely closed my books for 2018. I've also queued up a backup of my Google account and emails that do once a quarter and backed up my cell phone messages (yeah - I'm "that" guy). Once that's done I'll make duplicate copies on two different portable hard drives.
20 Something also called and she will be stopping by late this afternoon for a visit. On Sunday she's putting her furniture here and it sounds like there's a fair amount of it. I had to clear the brush out of the utility trailer for her to borrow it along with her using her boyfriend's truck. I may actually have to shift some things around to make room for it all. It will be nice though to be able to have a spare bedroom that I can actually keep made up for guests - not that I often get them.
Today's plan is to pack up the Christmas stuff and take it easy. First though off to the tub for a nice soak with my book and a fresh pot of tea.
Yeah - life is good. I certainly do have lots of room in my home, heart and life though if anyone stops by and 2019 is the year that I am finally truly open to doing this.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Happy New Year AP! I hope you find peace and happiness in 2019 and maybe a lovely lady to snuggle up with so you can give your poor kitty a break!! :0)
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Kids and I just finished a game of Monopoly, and we are all still speaking to one another. Wow!
I am having a late lunch and catching up with your musings.
It is interesting to see how much better off financially, we, the LBS, actually is from where we thought we would be. And as you’ve pointed out, this also goes for life. It is not anywhere as close to as dark as we thought it would be, or for as long. It is a neat viewpoint.
Reality only exists in our heads. Viewpoint and perception have a huge impact on that. Does a falling tree make any sound if you are not there to hear it? The real question is - Does the tree even fall?
I am glad for your shifts in perception. We do start off feeling old, ugly, and life is now over. Things others know are not true, and we struggle to let go of. It takes a while, eventually finding our center and seeing clearly. You do indeed have a lot to offer. You even have your own hair and teeth, if I recall correctly.
Our spouses also have their viewpoints and respective realities.
Which are “truly” real?
(No, this is not a Matrix review)
Interaction with other people, places, and things will give or take away credence from one’s reality. In our case feedback from people here and IRL, and your bank account statement also shows what is real - pretty hard to perceive or believe things are better when the account is overdrawn. This is where our spouses fall in.
The enablers can and do prop up things for a while. And a lot of energy and effort is required to maintain a fantasy reality. This is not the effort and energies poured into healing and growing, in that you are gaining and adding richness to your reality. When it takes a great deal of effort and work to just maintain your view, something is wrong.
Everything tends towards maximum entropy. Therefore, the closer one is to that equilibrium, the closer one is to true reality. It takes very little energy to see truely, it takes a lot to run and escape.
My goodness, what was in that casserole? I must have ingested something. Did I knock the bottle of red pills into the pot again?
My own New Year Eve was spent with my kids. We decided to watch Harry Potter, a marathon of the movies one through four. Sooo many hours, we stopped because we ran out of time. I did make it till 1:00 am. I think we are going to finish the remainder in a weekend or two from now.
Well I have laundry, dishes, garbage, etc... ah reality. My own entropy does seem pretty high, as does your’s.
Best wishes for 2019.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Coly! I'd hoped you were still coming by from time to time. I read your most recent update and am frankly confused but you seem to be happy and strong and that's a good thing.
Originally Posted by DnJ
You even have your own hair and teeth, if I recall correctly.
An underappreciated feature. The nice lady who runs the gift shop is rather short on the teeth area. It happens. Hair I'm rather over-supplied with. Pre-bomb-day I actually had a pony-tail that ran most of the way down my back. Now I have a more George Clooney crew cut and well trimmed beard for winter. But there are a number of good reasons why my ex-wife insisted that I not go outside with my shirt off during the spring bear hunt. I will keep my shirt on for maximal safety. I do have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning where I will assure them that I've been flossing all year. I am blessed that I inherited my father's good teeth.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Reality only exists in our heads. Viewpoint and perception have a huge impact on that. Does a falling tree make any sound if you are not there to hear it? The real question is - Does the tree even fall?
Ah yes Schrödinger's cat. The universe is a vast place, largely uninhabited. Heisenberg also applies here. By observing an event we manipulate the outcome. The real challenge for a true scientist is to set the experiment in such a fashion that biases are minimized. I remember commenting on a friend's PhD thesis recently on how her methods had an inherent bias because the statistics she was using were self-reporting. My own belief is that reality is not that which we observe, but that which occurs and of which we only observe a part. The tree will fall whether we observe it or not. Sounds are a disturbance in air flow which happens regardless of our ears being in the path of that.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Everything tends towards maximum entropy. Therefore, the closer one is to that equilibrium, the closer one is to true reality. It takes very little energy to see truely, it takes a lot to run and escape.
I'm a firm believer in Newtonian physics. A body in denial and running away will continue to do so until either friction or a counter-acting force changes that. Given your profession DnJ I am sure you are familiar with the concept of the "butterfly effect". There is a frustratingly and fascinating amount of things that we don't know and never will. And seemingly trivial causes can have significant effects. As my previous few posts have indicated this is something that occupies my mind.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Well I have laundry, dishes, garbage, etc... ah reality. My own entropy does seem pretty high, as does your’s.
Best wishes for 2019.
DnJ
Thanks so much. As I often joke "A man's work is never done". I believe that 2019 will be transformative years for both of us. You are chronologically a year behind me but in terms of healing, in large part because of your loving family, are perhaps ahead of me in that.
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'Tis the season for unexpectedness I think. Just putting this out there in the context of what I've written before and I would appreciate some input. I rather unexpectedly got a message from CL. She and her kids are having a grand time at Epcott and she messaged me a picture of the three of them smiling. Certainly posed and directed to me specifically rather than a generic picture for social media and undoubtedly her kids were well aware of where the picture was being sent. A fresh dusting of the shelf perhaps? The kids are coming around to the idea that I exist?
I did feel a bit weird as I was in the middle of making a very basic bachelor dinner for myself and did indeed feel a bit "unattractive" in my shabby but neat home. Some farmers sausage with onions and left-over turnip casserole. Certainly not posh by any standard. Then I get this picture of a beautiful smiling woman and her kids - waves - oh - hi Hauls up his boxers. Pastel coloured.
A joke I will sometimes make is "where are we going and what are we all doing in this hand-basket".
I think my real question about CL is what is really going on here? She's an executive with an engineering firm as well as a biblical scholar. I freely admit that she well may be smarter than me and being as I am well qualified to be in Mensa which does not at all mean that I have any skills with human relationships.
On another note 20S and boyfriend d'jour stopped by. Several hugs were shared. It seems that Sunday I will suddenly get a fair amount of furniture. 20S was wearing a sparkly ring on her left hand but it was quickly pointed out that it was not an engagement ring.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I freely admit that she well may be smarter than me and being as I am well qualified to be in Mensa which does not at all mean that I have any skills with human relationships.
Mensa! Totally dude!
I used to work with a psychometrician who was a Mensa member and he was extremely smart. (Okay, that was redundant, but I'm one of those that forages for the crumbs of the giants.) He introduced computer based testing (CBT) into our organization. Implementation of the CBT worked so well that management decided they no longer needed a psychometrician. Poof, he was gone. Oh well.
Anyway, that's the perfect segue to my new found passion to do my very best to right all of the wrongs that society hath wrought. The first item on my agenda is very important; I’d like to propose removing one letter from the English alphabet.
Here’s my story. I find the phrase, “the N word” very triggering because it causes me to think of the actual offensive word. Instead of using the phrase “the N word,” I’d prefer the phrase “the word starting with that unmentionable first letter.” Unfortunately, that phrase can also be triggering because it may cause me to think of all of the first letters that that may be unmentionable. It’s the ultimate trigger-trigger. That’s like an infinitely recursing trigger.
As a solution to the conundrum, I propose that we do away with the letter “N” in the English alphabet. I’d argue that the letter is superfluous, and thus totally unnecessary. I’m advocating for a proposal to outlaw the use of the letter “N’ in the English alphabet. Who needs 26 letters when you can make due with 25?
'Tis the season for unexpectedness I think. Just putting this out there in the context of what I've written before and I would appreciate some input. I rather unexpectedly got a message from CL. She and her kids are having a grand time at Epcott and she messaged me a picture of the three of them smiling. Certainly posed and directed to me specifically rather than a generic picture for social media and undoubtedly her kids were well aware of where the picture was being sent. A fresh dusting of the shelf perhaps? The kids are coming around to the idea that I exist?
I did feel a bit weird as I was in the middle of making a very basic bachelor dinner for myself and did indeed feel a bit "unattractive" in my shabby but neat home. Some farmers sausage with onions and left-over turnip casserole. Certainly not posh by any standard. Then I get this picture of a beautiful smiling woman and her kids - waves - oh - hi Hauls up his boxers. Pastel coloured.
A joke I will sometimes make is "where are we going and what are we all doing in this hand-basket".
I think my real question about CL is what is really going on here? She's an executive with an engineering firm as well as a biblical scholar. I freely admit that she well may be smarter than me and being as I am well qualified to be in Mensa which does not at all mean that I have any skills with human relationships.
Happy New Year, Andrew! I hope 2019 brings you all of the things that you desire and deserve.
I want to let you in on a little secret. You are a catch. You don't seem to realize it but you are a catch, indeed. You are intelligent, caring, hard-working, and come across as a true, sincere gentleman (which I am pretty sure is who you really are IRL because that kind of thing is a bit hard to fake). I think CL uses you as a soft place to fall because you are comfortable for her. And, you kind of feed into her ego a bit because you are readily available to her at her whim. You speak to us of talking to other women and possibly even having an interest in dating others, but I would bet that, to CL, you NEVER present any of that information, so you kind of look like that single guy who is sitting around waiting for her because you are always there for her. Stop being so "there" for her. Start pursuing all these others that you mention. You are a catch, so get out there and start being caught. Did I mention that I'm on team flower shop lady?
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Who needs 26 letters when you can make due with 25?
What are your thoughts, Adrew?
I live in a village founded by Germans that ends - perhaps un-necessarily with dt as does my last name.
Many moons ago, the village clerk sent me an email with my last name - which ends with a T - with dt on it instead. So I responded politely changing each and every t in my email to a dt. Good times .... Good times ....
If we censor one letter, what's to stop us from going down the slippery slope and getting rid of all except one? It's tough enough to read my postings here I'm sure without them being nothing but "oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Also, keep in mind that we are a multi-lingual country and there is not only the usual plethora of alphabetic splendor, but also accented letters &c Would you also do this to the French language? A language where words have sex?
Perhaps best to leave the rich diversity and related confusion.
Oh and while I've tested high enough and done the sample Mensa tests, I've never bothered actually trying to become a member.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Personally I am a believer in community and if she happens to mention to an acquaintance "hey there's this nice grey haired dude who comes in Friday after work who happens to be single" that can be a good thing.
