Still radio silence, then again, I dot call, text or email, to be honest it does help a lot, at first I was calling and texting just to be ignored and it will always set me back, by no means I am saying that I am over the hill, not even close, but the anxiety level is little down.
I went to my company Christmas party, that was horrible, all my coworkers where asking about my wife and kid, I do not want to tell the story again and again, specially when I see my coworkers with their families.
Detaching is hard, GALing is good, I stay busy, visit old friends, read, play music, I even started a micro bussiness but still there are always those hours of silence when everything reminds me of my recent past life, it is hard to fill so much time in the day when my days where only my W and S.
Just keep busy krull. It hurts. My WW is sitting upstairs. I got home and she is planning a ski trip with the kids. That's fine. But then she says she got tickets for all of us to Aquaman. I dont think I'll go. I need to stay away from her.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Sorry to hear of your sitch. Krull, I have an In house separation right now and it is not easier to have the W in the same house. No talks, no discussing the past, no fixing, no admittance, no trust, no re-assurances, no more marriage.
I would have said not too long ago that it would be easier to deal with the sitch in a true physically separated fashion. However, for a couple of reasons, I had come to "accept" our separation after gaining some clarity with the guidance, support, and advice by the wonderful people here. I came around to finding my self worth, I am way better than this. No one deserves to be treated a certain way, no one in a marriage deserves to have their spouse cheat on them or run off on them.
W had been wanting her freedom, to be happy, and I know I contributed to much of her unhappiness. Granted, this does not warrant breaking the marriage or having an affair, cheating or w/e you want to call it. I've been around other people who have done the same and I don't despise them for it. I feel pity for them. W is confused, angry, hurt, probably a whirlwind of mixed emotions that she has to figure out. I don't take solace in that. Not one bit because we have children who so much would want to have both their parents be together. In all of this though, I have found the strength to focus on me, myself and what I need to learn and do. It's just the beginning but we have time. Time to learn, to grow, and to heal. It gets better.
It's been 4 months from BD for me and the first 2 months were really rough but it does get better. I sleep better, I wake up feeling good, I am totally different than before at work. I still have some thoughts about the W but I don't dwell. I've pulled strength from my faith, in God, in knowing we're healthy and alive. I remember days when I grew up with nothing and was happy alone, by myself. There were days in my youth when I would meditate and pray for hours. I try to spend as much time away from her as I can. But for the days I am here, I don't let it bother me. I do my thing in the MBR or the study or spend time with the kids. You have a choice, I have a choice and I choose to be happy and not let what someone else is doing dictate my happiness.
You have ALL this time for -YOU-. You're on the right track. Don't try to figure out what she does. What Steve told you is what I would have presumed. We don't know if she has been in contact with the baby's daddy or if she is a runner, but point is, there could be a thousand questions left unanswered, trying to find answers is wasted energy and going down cheeseless tunnels. Let me also say this, when W and I had been going through things the last year, my biggest issue I thought was my weight, but when I focused on doing something about that, something else became the new issue. So let me ask, if you had the answer to your one big question, would it matter? Would you be happier and be able to move forward? Or, would you find another question and another and another? What would the new big issue be? The one thing you should be concerned about is you. Reading NMMNG should tell you that to be happy, you make yourself happy.
Try not to understand because you can't apply logical thinking to people who act irrationally.
Let me share this, I come from a broken home with a single mother who put many miles between her and my abusive step-father. Over time, she let him back into her life to shatter it over and over and also destroyed a lot of my trust in her. My mother was a runner, we would move from house to house at least once a year, sometimes twice a year. I had been to almost every elementary school in the city where I grew up at. My step-father pursued and it always got ugly. He was a bad person. The thing is over time, she let him back in. I hope, if you wanted her back, that if she ever lets you back in, that you would have taken this time to work on you so that your family has a fighting chance.
Another thing, and this is just my personal opinion, people in a normal situation would mostly all agree that if you've raised and loved this boy for 5 years he is considered your son. Although not biological, you imprint at that age. I remember I called my step-father "dad" once prior to first grade and my mother told me I did/should not have to call this man that while my younger brothers were able to. My point from my hurtful experience is that your W could very well be like my mother. She's got some resentment to only let you know about a dead dog, like wth is that about. I feel like if you bring the child into it, she may say something hurtful. I know you say she hasn't even text about D, but at this time, do you really want her to text you at all about anything? Just knowing your dog died was enough.
I hope you find strength and peace during this time.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Just keep busy krull. It hurts. My WW is sitting upstairs. I got home and she is planning a ski trip with the kids. That's fine. But then she says she got tickets for all of us to Aquaman. I dont think I'll go. I need to stay away from her.
Last month I would have jumped at the opportunity and right now I had a convo with my W about going out with them for meals. Told her about how I had to protect my feelings going out together as a family and I know it's not; I'm still not comfortable with it. I reserve that right, but I will say this, if you truly know you are done, and if you had signed some paperwork saying you're D, would you then be able to go with W and kids? I think I would, so the question for me is this, am I not going because I am being reactive or am I really still trying to figure my feelings out? I want to be in a place where I still reserve the right but where my going or not going has nothing to do with her.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Just keep busy krull. It hurts. My WW is sitting upstairs. I got home and she is planning a ski trip with the kids. That's fine. But then she says she got tickets for all of us to Aquaman. I dont think I'll go. I need to stay away from her.
Last month I would have jumped at the opportunity and right now I had a convo with my W about going out with them for meals. Told her about how I had to protect my feelings going out together as a family and I know it's not; I'm still not comfortable with it. I reserve that right, but I will say this, if you truly know you are done, and if you had signed some paperwork saying you're D, would you then be able to go with W and kids? I think I would, so the question for me is this, am I not going because I am being reactive or am I really still trying to figure my feelings out? I want to be in a place where I still reserve the right but where my going or not going has nothing to do with her.
I want to be with my kids but I really do not like being around her. I need to protect myself. Shes still in her A. Shes not my wife right now. I honestly am thinking that I would most likely be better off leaving her for good right now. I care for her. But I cant truly say I love her anymore. I cant love someone who betrayed me so badly.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Just keep busy krull. It hurts. My WW is sitting upstairs. I got home and she is planning a ski trip with the kids. That's fine. But then she says she got tickets for all of us to Aquaman. I dont think I'll go. I need to stay away from her.
Last month I would have jumped at the opportunity and right now I had a convo with my W about going out with them for meals. Told her about how I had to protect my feelings going out together as a family and I know it's not; I'm still not comfortable with it. I reserve that right, but I will say this, if you truly know you are done, and if you had signed some paperwork saying you're D, would you then be able to go with W and kids? I think I would, so the question for me is this, am I not going because I am being reactive or am I really still trying to figure my feelings out? I want to be in a place where I still reserve the right but where my going or not going has nothing to do with her.
I want to be with my kids but I really do not like being around her. I need to protect myself. Shes still in her A. Shes not my wife right now. I honestly am thinking that I would most likely be better off leaving her for good right now. I care for her. But I cant truly say I love her anymore. I cant love someone who betrayed me so badly.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Just keep busy krull. It hurts. My WW is sitting upstairs. I got home and she is planning a ski trip with the kids. That's fine. But then she says she got tickets for all of us to Aquaman. I dont think I'll go. I need to stay away from her.
Last month I would have jumped at the opportunity and right now I had a convo with my W about going out with them for meals. Told her about how I had to protect my feelings going out together as a family and I know it's not; I'm still not comfortable with it. I reserve that right, but I will say this, if you truly know you are done, and if you had signed some paperwork saying you're D, would you then be able to go with W and kids? I think I would, so the question for me is this, am I not going because I am being reactive or am I really still trying to figure my feelings out? I want to be in a place where I still reserve the right but where my going or not going has nothing to do with her.
I want to be with my kids but I really do not like being around her. I need to protect myself. Shes still in her A. Shes not my wife right now. I honestly am thinking that I would most likely be better off leaving her for good right now. I care for her. But I cant truly say I love her anymore. I cant love someone who betrayed me so badly.
Rightly so brother. It's about the kids. Stay strong. (())
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Sorry to hear of your sitch. Krull, I have an In house separation right now and it is not easier to have the W in the same house. No talks, no discussing the past, no fixing, no admittance, no trust, no re-assurances, no more marriage.
I would have said not too long ago that it would be easier to deal with the sitch in a true physically separated fashion. However, for a couple of reasons, I had come to "accept" our separation after gaining some clarity with the guidance, support, and advice by the wonderful people here. I came around to finding my self worth, I am way better than this. No one deserves to be treated a certain way, no one in a marriage deserves to have their spouse cheat on them or run off on them.
W had been wanting her freedom, to be happy, and I know I contributed to much of her unhappiness. Granted, this does not warrant breaking the marriage or having an affair, cheating or w/e you want to call it. I've been around other people who have done the same and I don't despise them for it. I feel pity for them. W is confused, angry, hurt, probably a whirlwind of mixed emotions that she has to figure out. I don't take solace in that. Not one bit because we have children who so much would want to have both their parents be together. In all of this though, I have found the strength to focus on me, myself and what I need to learn and do. It's just the beginning but we have time. Time to learn, to grow, and to heal. It gets better.
It's been 4 months from BD for me and the first 2 months were really rough but it does get better. I sleep better, I wake up feeling good, I am totally different than before at work. I still have some thoughts about the W but I don't dwell. I've pulled strength from my faith, in God, in knowing we're healthy and alive. I remember days when I grew up with nothing and was happy alone, by myself. There were days in my youth when I would meditate and pray for hours. I try to spend as much time away from her as I can. But for the days I am here, I don't let it bother me. I do my thing in the MBR or the study or spend time with the kids. You have a choice, I have a choice and I choose to be happy and not let what someone else is doing dictate my happiness.
You have ALL this time for -YOU-. You're on the right track. Don't try to figure out what she does. What Steve told you is what I would have presumed. We don't know if she has been in contact with the baby's daddy or if she is a runner, but point is, there could be a thousand questions left unanswered, trying to find answers is wasted energy and going down cheeseless tunnels. Let me also say this, when W and I had been going through things the last year, my biggest issue I thought was my weight, but when I focused on doing something about that, something else became the new issue. So let me ask, if you had the answer to your one big question, would it matter? Would you be happier and be able to move forward? Or, would you find another question and another and another? What would the new big issue be? The one thing you should be concerned about is you. Reading NMMNG should tell you that to be happy, you make yourself happy.
Try not to understand because you can't apply logical thinking to people who act irrationally.
Let me share this, I come from a broken home with a single mother who put many miles between her and my abusive step-father. Over time, she let him back into her life to shatter it over and over and also destroyed a lot of my trust in her. My mother was a runner, we would move from house to house at least once a year, sometimes twice a year. I had been to almost every elementary school in the city where I grew up at. My step-father pursued and it always got ugly. He was a bad person. The thing is over time, she let him back in. I hope, if you wanted her back, that if she ever lets you back in, that you would have taken this time to work on you so that your family has a fighting chance.
Another thing, and this is just my personal opinion, people in a normal situation would mostly all agree that if you've raised and loved this boy for 5 years he is considered your son. Although not biological, you imprint at that age. I remember I called my step-father "dad" once prior to first grade and my mother told me I did/should not have to call this man that while my younger brothers were able to. My point from my hurtful experience is that your W could very well be like my mother. She's got some resentment to only let you know about a dead dog, like wth is that about. I feel like if you bring the child into it, she may say something hurtful. I know you say she hasn't even text about D, but at this time, do you really want her to text you at all about anything? Just knowing your dog died was enough.
I hope you find strength and peace during this time.
Adam. In in nearly the same ditch. Same timeframes as well.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I have been quiet and keeping as dark as I can. I recently found out that W is contacting one of my friends to ask a out me, tvis made me unhappy since my friend is civing her information. It is nice to know that I can't trust anyone. Today out of the blue she texted me to ask about my tax return, she wants me to use my money to pay for the money she spent on my credit card. This is crazy. I am doing my best to stay patient but she becomes more evil by the minute.
