Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can part2

[Gerda]

Marina, what a beautiful post. I loved to read about you as a teenager reading and thinking and reflecting. I work with teens and I am sure I would have loved to have you as a student!

This post is really beautiful. You are seeing so clearly and feeling so much joy within the sorrow.

XO

[marina7]

Journaling,

Not much happening over here.

Besides acting like herself. Very weird

Today at pickup W reflected on MIL how MIL no longer
Up tight. How MIL taking life easy

W said MIL says take me to concert
I just listen.

I said that's good I am happy.
Then W said I am now the one that wants to just
stay home and relax.

In my mind I was thinking is called Depress.
But again I just listen.

One thing W brought up a party that W went with
Trios. W proceed to say A friend invited us.
I just listen. Is like W wanted to talk
I didn't I said ok W have a good night W was close to me
And said Ok M take care of yourself.

Yes I been sick with flu so I was shock W Said
Take care M I was shock once someone who wish me death.

When I got in car. D10 proceed to say
They went to a party I just listen, it was
OW family. I smirk because why proceed to
tell me a friend invited W why not tell me
the truth.

D10 and s9 proceed to say W made them
Homemade breakfast and cuddle with them.

I said how nice and kept listening.

Kids are excited they said W and OW tree is
Full with gift Lots of them
I just listen, but this is the part they get
there hopes up and then I have to fix
Trios heart. They where very giggly and
Smiling and I truly happy

I hope this last. No matter what I have said
It I just want kids happy. And if W is Happy I am
Happy for W.

W again was herself very interesting to
See the old W again. But unfortunately I
Know not to put hopes up and usually when
W is this nice is usually something behind it.

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

[peacetoday]

HI Marina

Hope You are feeling better

Im glad you saw a softer side of W and you did good to listen and be cordial
Its truly best to keep the door open and as easy with w as possible
she will see your kindness and be less quick to hurt- hopefully as time goes on

but always best to keep expectations at 0

[marina7]

Gerda,
Thank you, I would say this happening
And me having myself a awakening after
my seizure.

I must say life is just different, things that
bother me before now is like whatever. I infact
see people get upset over silly things and I
just want to say is ok. I realized that everything
in this world can be fix.

I am starting to see things now a little different
And Everything happens for a reason. A year ago
I ask Why me. Now I know this is God plan is no longer my plan.

Everyday I try to be better and work on myself. Thank you again Gerda.

Peacetoday,

Yes I try always, but sometimes it gets hard especially when
It involves my kids. An incident happen I did contact W but
When W response her response is.

How we discipline my kids with OW is my home I
don't tell you what to do in your house. This is OW and my
Home.

I was going to reply but I held back. I ask myself why
But this is exactly the problem I have OW wants to speak to
Our children's like is W and her kids. I just don't get it

W doesn't get it. Is our kids not yours and OW yes I am raising
my kids to respect others and treat others how they are treated
But OW thinks she runs my kids.

D10 had an emotional breakdown, W doesn't listen to us
Is always about her girlfriend is like she loves her more than us.
I hate it mommy why does W always treats girlfriend and believes girlfriend

I just listen to d10 and just hug her. And proceed to say well d, write her a letter
D10 says she doesn't care I try to talk to her and everything is OW. Is sad
To see kids hurting. Smh.

[marina7]

W monstering again.

W tries to change schedule.
Through a text I didn't reply but called

I said I thought we agreed this...
W said

Ok M like one or two f**&ing hours make a difference
I replied yes we agreed on this and is staying

W goes on tantrum and again using s10 as her pawn.
I don't have to let him go. I said what.
W then says Stop yelling at me

I again was like What I knew OW was with her
W usually plays the Victim when around OW or
Friends.
I basically said is staying what we agree Bye..
And hung up. This is getting ridiculous

I knew the monster was going to come out. W has been
To nice up till this weekend. W shifted and speaking to me
crazy.

W is trying to do whatever she has to do for me not to
see s10, W has been trying to push my buttons but I
won't allow W no more to make me upset.

W tries to change times and days when it benefits W.
I am so done with this.

[marina7]

Feelings and journaling,

2nd Christmas since BD,

This year Trios are together and I have s10
Getting closer to bringing s10 home permanently

W has them today Christmas Eve I have Trios Christmas day
W tried to change time but I stood firm.

Last year I didn't see s10 or W. This year is different
W offered to bring me some desserts and MIL make
me Tamales. I did say Thank you.

W different a little W did apologize for trying to
change time which was New I just listen.

W mentioned I want us to make this work for the kids.
I didn't take it any other way but coparenting.

W seems to want to talk, even at drop off with OW in car.
Trios get out of car. W opens passenger side ask me how
am feeling. As me if I need anything while OW there
again like W wanted to talk. I said No and thank you

And drove off.

W seem sad, everytime W picks kids up mascara smudge
Like W been sleeping or even maybe crying.

I again try not to over think anything.

I'll be home alone today need some Me time. Then
Cooking dinner for trio's and I for Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

[job]

I don't post to you very often because I can see how much you have grown since coming to the forum. You are a quick learner and I just wanted to take a minute and recognize you for all of your hard work. I'm very proud of you.

The alone time today is a gift. Tomorrow will be a very busy day for you and trio's. Enjoy the day, cherish the time you have together and you might want to think of some new traditions for next year.

Merry Christmas to you and your family. May the new year be a much better one for you and your family.

[DnJ]

Hello marina

I wish to pass on some thoughts from one of your recent posts. I most definitely do not want to take away from the enjoyment of Christmas, this is just something to think about and maybe look at in the new year. If I was to wait, I’d probably forget.

D10 had an emotional breakdown, W doesn't listen to us
Is always about her girlfriend is like she loves her more than us.
I hate it mommy why does W always treats girlfriend and believes girlfriend

I just listen to d10 and just hug her.

Kids will let us know what they want and need to talk about. We need to be willing to discuss it with them. I know you love your kids, I know you care.

D10 is right, W does love girlfriend more than kids - infatuation will do that. W’s fantasy is more alluring than just about anything else in her life. Your D10 sees this; that little girl is very perceptive and observant. She needs you to talk to her, validate her feelings and observations. Doing nothing would dismiss her feelings. I know how difficult a conversation kids can initiate.

When explaining infatuation and W’s actions just keep the conversation in the intellectual realm, keep your emotions out of it. Your D10 is just looking for answers, reasons - like all of us. You can provide kid appropriate reasoning and alleviate a lot of their concerns and fears. Remember kids think everything revolves around them, and everything involves them - they will place blame and feelings of self doubt on themselves if no alternative is offered. This situation is most definitely not about them or their fault, and they need to know that.

Encourage D10 to be inquisitive and observant, that is such a gift for her to have.

Again, this is nothing to rush off and do. Just some ideas from a friend.

I wish you and your kids all the best and a very Merry Christmas.

Love

DnJ

[marina7]

Job,

Thank you, yes with this bd it shook my whole life,
Life is simple now. I realized I only can control my
Emotions and thoughts. And by doing that is staying away from
W.

I won't lie is hard and sometimes I get sad and it hurts but
I come here to vent and you all have help me so much and
how to handle W. Thank you again.

DnJ
Yes I am learning to just listen yes it's hard to hear our
Trios sadness, I was the mom that kiss there scrap, if they
fell I would run and make sure they where ok. Now I can't
Fix the hurt that W has caused them. But I am there emotionally

D10 is so wise for her age. Girls mature so different I see d10
And s9 and s10 they are so different, you know that saying boys
will be boys.

I know my boys hurt but they cope with it differently example
S10 says I hate feelings because feelings make you weak. Me
And s10 had a long talk about feelings he finally broke down and cried
And also said why did W had to ruin everything and everyone life.

I just listen and validated and told him to write it down and to ask
His therapist that question and s10 did.

As I tell the trio's One day at a time.

[marina7]

I hope everyone had a great Christmas,

Trio's and I had an amazing time.

Better than last year for sure.
W had them Christmas Eve
I pick them up Christmas Day.

Trio's ran out the car and d10 jump and
Put legs around me. Gave me so much kisses
And hugs and boys also and the said we miss
you mommy Merry Christmas.

I seen W face not sure if W was sad or mad.
W in a heavy toned. Are you guys not going say
Bye to me. Trio's turn around and said bye.

I think this year holidays is starting to sink in.
Last year W was in honeymoon stage with OW.

Trios where just so excited to see me. Btw they only
Where with W less then 15hrs.

This momma cook up a fest for us Fantastic 4
You would have thought we had company coming
Nope just us. And our new Addition.

A German shepherd. Yes a dog
He was free with up to date shots and food.
He is less than a yr old his owner is a friends of
a friend who got called back to duty Marines,
He was selling him. But nobody purchase. So
My friend told him our story and he agreed to meet me
We met while kids where gone. Dog and I bonded and
The owner seen that. He look at me and said Merry Christmas

I hope he will bring peace and healing to you and your kids.
Just take care of him. I of course cried my eyes out. I am still
in shock. But this little guy has brought us happiness.

The trio's eyes lighted up. They love him so much.

So yes Christmas was amazing.

And I must admit I didn't miss W.

W is becoming just a memory.
I am grateful we met and we took the journey
Together but our journey has came to an end.

My best friend ask me how was this year for me
I said good. I didn't think about W or cry about W
Or anything. I am adjusting to just Trios and I
I actually like it just us 4.

Kids can be themselves. And I can be myself

I didn't realize it how much I lost myself trying to
Always please W. Or put W needs first. Never again
Will I do that.