Our core values are completely aligned. My ex and I were not, at all. My ex and I had everything that would later down the road drive us apart, and it did. We did both enjoy the gym, similar music and attending concerts, game nights with friends, gambling, ect. We had more similar interests in activities, but the values were polar opposites.
Our interests are similar an different too. We both like beer, lol, dining out, just hanging at home talking. We are both open minded and will try new things. We both like hiking, and he got me into fishing. He's a serious snowboarder and I told him I was interested in trying it and he got excited about it, and we are going to make a weekend trip out of it when the conditions are right. However, that is HIS activity and I wouldn't intrude on it if I ended of liking it. We clearly at different levels. He's visited some of the most amazing mountains in the US and Canada. That's his thing. I enjoy the gym, he doesn't. But we both like to do yoga together. SO we like to stay in decent shape, but in different ways. He doesn't like to watch sports, but I like my hockey, and he is the type who would watch a game with me, if I was interested.
I think we both give a good amount and get out equally. It's pretty cool
I am not concerned about any differences. I think our differences are healthy ones.And in terms of differences, I think it is more our life experiences, our divorces, our current situations with parenting and the such. They are very different, yet very similar. How to handle different situations we might be in and giving advice regarding that. That's where our differences lie mainly. he fights so hard for time with his kid, I have most of it with zero fight. My ex and I get along, they have to work things out through courts and do kid exchanges at police stations. I was cheated on, he was not, it was mutual. That kind of stuff. So, we have a lot to offer in regards to life experiences.
Seriously, I think things are going great for you Ginger and have every hope that they will continue. That said, SLOW DOWN girl. It's only been three months. THREE MONTHS. That's really nothing when looking at long term R. I think it's a milestone as three months does seem to be a cutting period for the dating that makes it past 3 or 4 dates. However, Wild Girl and I made it nearly four months before she got squirrelly - or whatever it is that happened - and even that final chapter is yet to be written. You did three months with FF - more than that with the long distance guy. It's still very much the infatuation period. You've not even had a big argument yet. If this were 9 months from now, and being positive - when you get to a year full year and the feelings are the same - that will be hugely different than it is now.
It's always so interesting to see people give great advice about other sitchs - myself included. Joseph is correct in that solid Rs come down to the big things like core values and beliefs. How do both of you see the value of money, spending it, saving it? Will one want to save and the other not care if they have anything put away for retirement? What about discipline of children? Religion? Drug use? Communication? Notice I'm not saying anything about interest in sports, hobby's, etc. What about politics? Does one want to do away with the welfare system in it's entirety while the other can't walk past a homeless person without giving him $5 bucks?
THESE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ are the things that tend to really make or break an R over time. Of course the little stuff can as well but the little stuff is nearly always just a symptom of the big stuff. The wife will say she's really upset he didn't take out the garbage but it's really something far larger she's mad about but can't bring it up so she uses the garbage. Guys do the same - lest you think I'm calling out women only.
As for the "Let's have a baby" - Okay, this is the second time he's said that - actually it's the second time you've reported here that he's said that. Something is up there! He's not just joking - which was my contention the first time he said it. It's yet another of the things that spell the success of failure of a true R. If one really wants a baby and the other doesn't - or can't, it's far larger than one likes beer and the other does not.
Ginger you have the chance here to again get into uncharted territory - being in a healthy R for the first time. Just like by your own admission it took you many, many guys and failed attempts to get dating down to where you find a guy for a potential LTR - it could be the same here with that LTR guy. It's all these new things that I don't think you've looked at before that come into play - the values, the morals, the money, politics, religion, parenting, sex, - oh well you've got that one down but the others on the list - that's going to be new for you. But they are the real important things - far beyond the lower level interests.
Please continue to enjoy where you are at. There is nothing from what you're telling us that should keep you from continuing on with M - nothing. Just don't get ahead of yourself. three months is THREE MONTHS. See how that first big argument goes. See how he handles his children - it may be the opposite of what you believe. See how he handles money. You already brought up the THC. If it's truly not a red flag for you it's truly not but it could become one. For others I know that it is.
Keep seeing him, keep your eyes wide open, keep learning and keep growing. Enjoy the infatuation period. It's fun and warm and wonderful. Just know that it doesn't last - for anyone. And that's where the real R starts.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
It's always so interesting to see people give great advice about other sitchs - myself included.
Brain fart here - that should have read "It's always so interesting to see people give great advice about other sitchs even when they struggle to see things clearly with their own - myself included.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Oh, what really sparked our conversation last night was our conversation was sparked by the major topics, mainly parenting, religion, communication and how to handle conflict. And we have the same stance and discussion on drug use, alcohol, and what we will teach our kids regarding it. We speak of our value in treating others with kindness, understanding and empathy and the values we instill in our kids. We have had the heavy duty conversations about the important topics and we see eye to eye on them. We haven't placed too much in action yet, we haven't been given the chance, but I am sure when we do, we will handle them well. he is just about the calmest guy I know who can handle himself so well without being nasty mean or stupid.
The kid thing, like I said, I think he would like one although it isn't a deal breaker. It's tough at our age with this topic.
I made the huge mistake of disregarding the big differences my ex and I had. Compatibility goes so far beyond liking the same music or sports team. No one knows that better than I.
So far, so good. No red flags yet, and I am enjoying what we have and getting to know eachother more and more each and every day. right now I am just looking forward to our romantic date tomorrow night. A few drinks, a delicious steak, maybe some edible dessert, and definitely the other kind of dessert. And Saturday is one of the first mornings neither of us have to run out to work or kids whatever it be and we are going to enjoy a rainy day together.
I didn’t stir up drama this weekend, but it was great. We had a very nice dinner Friday night. It was funny because they put us in the party room and service wasn’t A+. It made us laugh though. The manager kept coming over without us asking. We discussed if we were the types to ever complain at a restaurant. Neither of us are. But we did laugh when the bus by threw out the very expensive left overs the waiter was supposed to wrap up. They waited to see if we noticed and when we asked for them, they admitted they were thrown put and we’d got a free filet mingonon and mashed potatoes to go! He actually went to pay. I said “no way, I asked you ou tonight!!!!” He was very appreciative.
He stayed over and left about 9:30 am Saturday and we did our own things. I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. It was nice. Then today I had a hair consultation appt by his house so I picked him up and we went for a delicious brunch. We went back to his house and watched an hour of these funny videos cracking up dying laughing in his bed. His mom stopped on his room to say hi. Slightly awkward but she was really nice. Then later we shut the door , wink wink. We fell asleep but I finally hadn’t to go Home to let the dog out. I invited him over for dinner but he was tired and it wasn’t pouring rain outside so I told him to Stay home.
Oh, and D11 finally met him! Over FaceTime, lol. She FaceTimed when I was at his house nd she’s asked to say hi. It was cute. I think it’s might hold her off for a while. It was funny too, because she was in the front seat next to her dad.
Ah! I love being with him. We maybe have to more days together until the end of the year. But it’s is what it is. I’m thankful for the ti tome we get to spend together, it’s always good
So, I still haven't gotten M a Christmas gift. The other night he texted me some of the professional photos from the wedding. There was this incredible one of him and his son. I told him he needs to blow that one up and put it on canvas. So then the idea came to me to get it for him for Christmas. The photographer's webpage was on the photo he sent me because they are proofs. The account with the pictures of course is password protected. I was thinking about reaching out to his brother but I have never met him and that seems creepy. Then there is an email at the bottom of the photography website so I was going to explain and see if I can order this one print.
Is that super creepy? I don't want anyone to think I am nuts.
It's not too super creepy. He's shown you the picture already. If you had cyber-stalked him to that photographer then it might be otherwise.
The photographer may well resist because of privacy reasons. On the other hand you have tangible proof that the photo was shared with you.
If you email the photographer, reference the event and include the picture texted to you, you'll probably "get away with it".
From the little I know of M - he's an "acts of service" kind of guy. So something that says "thanks for being a super guy and Dad" would undoubtedly go over well. Question though - is he the kind of guy who has family pictures on his wall? Some people like pictures and some don't.
As an "acts of service" guy myself I really appreciated any time that people put obvious thought and effort into a gift as opposed to just spending. This certainly falls in to that category.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
