I did not go into the nitty gritty details of my sexual encounters. She knows that I have not dated anyone seriously since my D and that I have not had sex with anyone either. Those are all the details she knows. When she asked me the question I asked her if oral counted and she only seemed concerned about the va j j.
If I felt like I had caught the H I would have certainly disclosed. The only way I would have got it on my penis is if I would have had sex with her and I didn't. I guess I could have contracted it when she gave me oral however she did not have herpes of the mouth it is down south.
She is clearly into me. She called me last night and she texted me this morning before she got on her flight to Boston. It doesn't really concern me why she is in to me but I take it as a compliment.
Now any time you open yourself up to another person you run the risk of it being heart broken. That will happen, most R's don't work out, very few make it to MR. Some last for days, others weeks, some a few months, others longer so red flags or not I just think the best plan of action is to stay on my purpose with my girls, with my workouts, with work, with my life and fit her in when I can. I know making her the focal point of my life will lead to more heartbreak than if she is just an ingredient (her or anyone else). I say that assuming that we will continue to date and if it ended tomorrow I would not be heartbroken.
She is the only 1 am currently talking to. It's not that I have backed off anyone else it has just happened this way. Right after things with HG ended I turned off my Match profile but forgot to turn off Bumble. This girl swiped R on me first on BUMBLE and I liked her pics and what she wrote so I matched with her. I have other girls swipe on me but I have not been interested so her and I just sort of happened.
Alright! I am taking the Bumble plunge and I need help. I am having a tough time figuring out what my profile should say about me and being a single dad.
What did you put in your profile? how did you mention kids and being recently divorced? thanks man for the help
I am 6’2 and love tacos if your wondering. Mornings in the gym, chill at night, fun, happy, and active. I am the father of two amazing girls, and a couple of pups. Love to play basketball. Like the beach? Let’s go!!
If you swipe L it’s you not me!
I linked my Spotify and my IG accounts, have no pictures of my girls up. I have 1 head shot, 1 full body shot, 1 action shot and 2 group pics of me and my boys.
I hope this helps. I got a lot more interest once I linked up my IG account.
Cute profile, but take out the "If you swipe L it's you not me!" I get the joke, but it comes off a little cocky. Because it very well may be you!
Yeah, you have the most deadliest typo in there for online dating. Of all of them, that one is the nail in the coffin.
I actually was talking to some other guy on Bumble and I had to ask why every single guy could say nothing about themselves but will always mention their height. He said women will actually not even engage if there is no height because they are very picky about that. M did not put his height but I didn't even look for it. Never even asked when I was talking to him. I just showed up to our first date to a guy who was 6'2". Women are pretty darned vain when it comes to that. I understand maybe not wanting to be like 5 inches taller, but I know many women who won't consider dating anyone under 6 feet tall and they are under 5'3".
Cute profile, but take out the "If you swipe L it's you not me!" I get the joke, but it comes off a little cocky. Because it very well may be you!
Yeah, you have the most deadliest typo in there for online dating. Of all of them, that one is the nail in the coffin.
I actually was talking to some other guy on Bumble and I had to ask why every single guy could say nothing about themselves but will always mention their height. He said women will actually not even engage if there is no height because they are very picky about that. M did not put his height but I didn't even look for it. Never even asked when I was talking to him. I just showed up to our first date to a guy who was 6'2". Women are pretty darned vain when it comes to that. I understand maybe not wanting to be like 5 inches taller, but I know many women who won't consider dating anyone under 6 feet tall and they are under 5'3".
I guess everyone has their preferences.
I wouldn't say I'm vain about the height thing, but I'm 5'11" flat footed so I would prefer a guy taller than me. That doesn't mean I wouldn't talk to someone or go out with someone shorter, but tall is a preference, like many other qualities are. It seems to me, though, that men have a height preference for shorter women too, so I think it works both ways. My XH was shorter than me, but just barely. Truck guy was quite a bit shorter than me. Sparky, blessedly, is several inches taller than me. He's about 6'3".
J, I'm wondering the same thing about the typo. I see 2 actually, but neither of them strike me as the deadliest typo as G put it. I'm curious now............and now that I have read your Bumble thing a million times trying to find it, I have to get back to work.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Lol....I'm just wondering if the one that is obvious to me is the one G considers deadly.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
To answer your other question L........there is absolutely no way I have anything. I was just counting and I think I have only been with 6 women my entire life and 1 of those was for 17 years. I still have not had sex with anyone since my X and I D'd and while I did have the one interaction with HG the chance of me contracting something at that time is so very highly unlikely based on everything I have read it is very rare to acquire HSV2 orally. HSV1 yes and really that is very common.
If I have anything it has never shown itself down south or in my mouth and from everything I have read the first outbreak occurs with in 2 weeks of being exposed.
However if I do have something I guess I just move forward and deal with it. Just like I had to deal with getting D'd. Truthfully getting tested is probably the responsible thing to do so your partner has piece of mind.
She told me that she would show me her test and/or get re-tested as well if I wanted her to.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
So obvious. It is seriously a deal breaker typo for people. Not for me, I think it's taking a bit too far and doesn't disqualify someone. But for many, they can't see past it.
Bad grammar is not necessarily a deal breaker for me, but it is a turn off. I won't discount someone who can't spell or whatever right off the bat, but if it is really obvious, then yeah, it annoys me and I can lose interest, which I'm sure seems terribly superficial, but we all like what we like. LOL
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
M - You will probably get quite a few matches initially since you are fresh meat. After about a week or so it will slow down some. That is my experience.
LOL.....I get it but I didn't mean it that way. It was meant to be a joke because of where I live in Texas everyone has this infatuation with Mexican food and tacos. I really did not mean it sexually.........................
You said "if YOUR wondering" YOUR is a possessive pronoun. What you should use is a contraction if you are shortening "If YOU ARE wondering" and it should be "If YOU'RE wondering"
It's kind of like the word "Their" There is also "they're" and "there". Another kiss of death in the online dating world.
Which I think a woman is being a little stuck up if this really is a deal breaker. M and I joke all the time. He will send a text using the wrong version and then quickly correct himself. I tell him he doesn't have to do that with me. He said he chatted with women and as soon as he used it wrong they became all self righteous about it.
I said I stink at math. I'm pretty good grammatically but if guys judged me by my mathematically abilities, I would never get a date! M is really good at math and he said he should have started throwing algebra at them.
LOL.....I get it but I didn't mean it that way. It was meant to be a joke because of where I live in Texas everyone has this infatuation with Mexican food and tacos. I really did not mean it sexually.........................
Oh..ok my bio says "if you are wondering" I just typed it out on here and didn't spell check before I replied. That is the deal breaker??????
Yeah the taco thing is a joke because many women joke about what is it with guys and loving tacos. I have also read many that indicate they want to know your height. The taco thing was just a joke but I do get the sexual reference.
NO problem with the taco thing, J. I dam near died because you thought it was the taco thing and you didn't see it.
It's the use of "Your" Huge deal breaker. Stupid? Yeah, but it is what it is. Don't rely on spell check. It is spelled properly, it's just used incorrectly. Proof read to your knowledge.
I got so wrapped up in the talk of grammar and meat preferences that I forgot to ask something that stuck out to me. This is totally just out of curiosity...not trying to be a smart aleck. I feel like I missed a step somewhere along the way again. You have said several times in relation to this lady that she does not have sex outside of an R. But now you are getting tested because you say she won't have sex with you unless you get tested. How did we get from no sex outside of R to you getting tested for her peace of mind? It doesn't seem like you are ready for the whole R thing with her yet as y'all are still getting to know each other, so, not sure where the test is coming into play.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
OMG, Dawn, very good point. You have sex with her, it's like you are automatically in a relationship with her. You don't even have to have the "talk". The "sex" is going to make you the automatic boyfriend. On date 4. Oh man.
I guarantee you I wont be having sex with her on date 4. She will then be gone from 12/21 through 12/28 so sex won't happen until after then. Date 4 has been set for Tuesday night. I got tested assuming we will continue to see each other and it would eventually lead to it. If that doesn't happen at least I will have peace of mind from the HG encounter and if anyone else would happen to ask me to be tested I can show them my results.
We have actually discussed it and she did tell me she wasn't ready yet as we are still getting to know each other. I do assume though that before it happens some conversation is going to take place that will be initiated by her.
I still don't know if she is playing games or not. I know you bet each other that she would have sex with me without a blood test however her words have lined up with her actions. I know she is really into me and while she may be excited I do believe that she is trying to pace herself. If she wasn't she would have had sex with me at my house on date 2. If that would have happened you all would have went NUTS!
I do get the impression she is trying to feel me out based on some comments she has made. Trying to feel me out as to where I stand with her. I don't know how fast guys have fallen for her in the past or how fast they have pushed for a relationship but I get the sense that I am different than what she has had in the past. I am not saying that I am something special but that I am more of a challenge to her.
This is a situation where "just the tip" comes to the rescue. You know, it doesn't really count, right? You might be able to fit it in before the 21st.
Guys don't push fast for a relationship. They push fast for sex, and will lie about the relationship thing to get the sex. Total assumption, but I am guessing guys will be like "sure, we are in a relationship", have sex with her and then dump her.
She probably thinks when guys do have sex you will honor the fact you are now committed to her.
Yup, mindreading. but I am pretty good at reading other women's minds.
Maybe she wants me to push fast for a R or sex so she can enter into a R and make it seem right in her mind. IDK I also think her waiting and making guys get a blood test could weed out those guys just looking to hook up with her.
Personal preference I guess assuming that is what both parties are looking for. Although most people that casually date I assume have not met someone they would consider getting into a R with. I will say after running into HG that I can see where getting tested makes sense. She could have easily not have disclosed to me and passed it on which I assume happens relatively frequently.
We have had this conversation before. There are some people out there that can casually have sex and other people that need to be in a relationship.
For me personally, i need to be in an exclusive relationship with someone i trust to have sex. There needs to be a build up of attraction. Like i would not just meet a random guy at a bar and sleep with him because he is good looking. That would not be a turn on for me. But getting to know him, knowing that he he is really turned on by me would then turn me on. Its the anticipation in the beginning. If i thought he was sleeping with other women and pursuing other women it would turn me off and we would not evolve. It would be an insult to my pride. Maybe other women see this as competition i guess, but it depends on the woman.
I think once you sleep with this woman, she is gonna assume you are exclusive. She is being direct with you. If you dont see potential for exclusivity with her, dont pursue.
Based on how i would view it, she might see it as right now we are sleeping exclusively together. As we continue dating and getting more comfortable we will see if the relationship gets stronger or fizzles out in which case no more sleeping together. To me this makes sense. How can you really get to know someone if you are sleeping with other people at the same time?
I am taking a three week break for the holidays. My 4 dates in 6 nights were busts (though one led to sex) lol and I just got ghosted after a some solid back and forths.
I read Jan 6th is the busiest day of the year for OLD. Need some fresh meat lol!
G to answer you original question about chatting every day. Doing that without sex kinda of kills the vibe. It makes it feel relationship without the physical connection. I am going to see her tomorrow though so maybe I can get some oral out of it
G to answer you original question about chatting every day. Doing that without sex kinda of kills the vibe. It makes it feel relationship without the physical connection. I am going to see her tomorrow though so maybe I can get some oral out of it
J- I don't even know what to say. Except that you are on 2 different pages. You expect sex as connection and she expects communication and getting to know eachother as connection.
J, I think you need to be doing what LH is doing. You need to get the sex out of the way, but not with someone like her.
LOL well I am going to make another run at it tomorrow as I know she is comfortable. Lets see if she will budge without the R talk or the confirming blood tests.
LOL well I am going to make another run at it tomorrow as I know she is comfortable. Lets see if she will budge without the R talk or the confirming blood tests.
So - you're not respecting her enough to respect her boundaries? Just a booty call for you?
This popcorn is salty.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I was just thinking, and about to say, this is starting to feel a touch creepy. You're going to hurt this woman and further jade her as if you do have sex you'll then drop her and move on. Calling everyday at this point already? You both seem to be on totally different pages - with totally different goals.
Originally Posted by LH19
My 4 dates in 6 nights were busts (though one led to sex) lol and I just got ghosted after a some solid back and forths.
Dude you really need to start your own thread and contribute. Four dates but nothing to talk about other than you say you had sex - but even that wasn't worth a post? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
If you need details I met her for drinks in her area she was 60 miles away. I ordered a water and she asked why wasn't I drinking anymore and I said because I need to drive home. She said "well you can stay at my house". Enough said. Now the issues, pictures were filtered, body type not exactly athletic and toned. Oh yeah the most important part, on our first date she informed me her ex was a cross dresser. Yep can't make it up.
Left the next day and texted when I got home and said I had fun but I don't think we are a good match. She responded "Thank you for your honesty. The end.
Yes, as a woman nearing my 40's (oh God, did I just say that?!) Depending where I am in my life at that time, consensual sex without a relationship as an adult doesn't make me a slut. it's a personal choice. personally, I never ever have sex with multiple people at once and I have only even dated one person at a time. If I am interested in someone I am certainly not sleeping with someone else. ANd I make it sound bad, but I have been a single adult for nearly 10 years. I have averaged 1-2 guys a year. Nothing insane. But for 10 years the numbers add up. But I felt no need to remain celibate because I wasn't in a committed R.
But in the same breath, this is my CHOICE and what is right for me. And what is right for me may not be right for others. There are women who will only have sex if they are in a committed relationship. Heck, they may not enjoy it if they aren't. They might not want to feel like a slut even if they shouldn't. They may have had a bad experience.
My point is neither is wrong, it's what is right for that individual.
But J- she is telling you she only has sex in a relationship. And you are saying you don't want one right now. So why would you pursue sex? Sounds like this is exactly what keeps happening to her. Men aren't respecting her boundaries, and she is a little naïve as to what these guys are doing to her. You are on completely different pages right now. Because she calls you everyday you think you are owed sex? You are going to push for it, even though she made it clear she only wants to have sex if she is in an R?
I kind of feel bad for her. She is a grown woman who is naïve to guys crossing her boundaries to get some. Then she wonders why her R's don't make it past the 3 month point.
Why don't you find a woman on the same page as you as to not put her through this cycle again? It's obvious you are itching to get laid, and that is fine and comes with no judgment. It's where you are seeking it that comes with some judgment.
it's like you both want eachother to want the same things and be on the same page, but neither of you are. Why force it and risk hurting her?
LOL well I am going to make another run at it tomorrow as I know she is comfortable. Lets see if she will budge without the R talk or the confirming blood tests.
J,
I am starting to think you are just toying with her emotions, and it is just a game. If she doesnt want to have sex outside of a relationship and you are not looking for a relationship then you should be honest and tell her that. Let her make the decision to break her boundary. You are both adults and to just tell her that you are not ready for a relationship right now, but are open to one in the future, but any sexual intimacy right now does not mean exlusivity.
Also, me personally I dont understand of waiting for a relationship to have sex. That to me says the other person doesnt value sex much. I understand people may say the opposite and say sexual intimacy fast in a relationship means the sex is meaningless, but lets say you are committed to eachother and then have sex and it is horrible. Are you now going to stay in a relationship that has horrible sex, or are you going to break it off because there is no compatibility sexually. To me sex is important in a relationship and I couldnt start a monogamous relationship without knowing if I like the sex first.
Rexgm
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
I'm gonna call shenanigans here and say J will push for sex and currently wants a relationship with this woman.
I have been interacted with him on this board for a year and a half and am a good judge of character.
He will not love her and leave her he is too good of guy.
I am more concerned that he is forcing himself to like her even though he admits she is not his typical type.
That's what I am concerned about. he is willing to talk himself into wanting something he doesn't to get laid. I imagine a lot of guys are doing that with her, then eventually they are like "I do not want an R with her, I rushed into it"
And you know what a person of good character would do in this sitch? Be completely honest with themselves and the other person. That's what a good guy does. Not convincing himself he wants an R to get laid and then stay with her because he doesn't want to hurt her. That isn't anymore respectful.
And what will dad say? You’ll have to wait as I’m currently at the mall trying to do my Christmas shopping - and hating it!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Ok, so let me see if I understand what I'm reading. You meet this woman online and she's not your "usual" type, but you hit it off anyway and have 3 dates in a week. She's told you from early on that she doesn't have sex unless she's in a relationship and while there's been varying degrees of discussion about that here, you have said repeatedly that her actions are following her words. You have pretty much thrown all the advice that you and some of the others tout from the "coach" out the window by the number of dates, lots of contact on the phone, a lunch date mid-week, etc. I am one of the first ones to say to each his own and people have to do what is right for them and I FIRMLY believe that. If the advice this coach gives works for you, by all means, follow it. If she chooses to NOT have sex outside an R, then by all means she should stick to her guns on that.
You continue to tell us she's firm on the no sex until R then you tell us you are getting STD tested so that she will feel comfortable having sex with you. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........so we pressed you on that and you basically said it was so you would have that out of the way if/when it came time. Ok, I can go with that.
But now, you basically say that because she keeps blowing up your phone you are going to "take another run at it". You romantic devil, you....we women so love when men "take a run at us." I think it was LH that said women in their 40's love sex. ABSOLUTELY! I totally get the whole portrayal of the 40-something oversexed divorcee and why cougars are so sought after by younger men. TOTALLY understand those.
So, I'm very, very confused at this point. You say you don't want an R, she's not your usual type but you seem to like her ok, you refuse to have an R talk and say if she brings it up, you will shut it down, but now you are going to try to somehow coerce her to have sex (which is how I interpret "take another run at it" and if that is misinterpreted, I totally apologize). I'll say this, whether you meant it that way or not, it came across awfully disrespectful of her boundaries and of her in general and I don't really think you are that guy.
If you want an R, but for whatever reason you are scared of pursuing one, you need to be honest with yourself and her about that. If you truly don't want an R and you just want to get laid, do this woman a favor and leave her alone because I think you are playing with fire and one of you (or possibly both) is gonna get burned. There are plenty of slutty fish in the sea that will gladly hop in bed with you then walk away.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
And, dammit...I hit send before I was finished with that thought, but I wonder if there is possibly a third option going on here (aside from being scared of R or just wanting to get laid). From the beginning, you have seemed very taken by the idea that she is so totally into you and in some ways, I actually think that is kind of sweet because it is nice to see people who have been taken for granted in the past get some attention. All that makes me wonder if this woman has somehow become some sort of challenge to you that you are determined to be the one who gets her to go against her usual M.O. and sleep with you without the confines of an R. I can't remember who said it the other day (maybe Ginger), but my fear is that if you do somehow get her into bed without having an actual talk, she's going to latch on in a big way and then she really is going to get hurt, which in turn is going to hurt you because I honestly don't believe that you have any intention of hurting this woman in any way. That just doesn't jive with the person you seem to be based on your posts. You just don't strike me as a callous playboy that will use a woman for his own gratification then toss her aside.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Oh boy..........I am not going to hump and dump her and I am not going to violate any of her boundaries or disrespect her. I will kiss her though and see where it goes. That is what I meant by taking another run at it being a playboy is totally not my style. It is a man's job though to escalate things physically. TBH I would be absolutely shocked if sex happened (assuming she didn't hold true to her words) and if the convo comes up about a R then it won't happen. I also know I would not have sex with someone I am not attracted to. It doesn't work that way with me. I have also had really good conversation with women before that I felt nothing for when we met in person and I walked so I know I could do it again.
You all were the ones that said she would never hold true to her words. I think you all placed bets on it because you thought she was psycho for coming over to my house on date 2. Have you ever thought that I might actually be a really good guy and made her feel really comfortable????? Kitchen Lady invited me in her house on date 2 and HG had me in her house the first night and the second day. Oh and the girl from church who was the Widow as well on date 1 as well. If she would have had sex with me on date 2 you all would have told me to run for the hills J!!!!!!
According to her she has ran into problems at the 3 month mark and ends up breaking the R off. Who's fault it is I have no idea but probably a combo of both parties. I am not trying to hurt or deceive anyone. Although I assume she has probably hurt some people if she breaks it off at month 3. I guess that's ok though.
I am attracted to her. She does not have the normal body type that I like however she is very cool, a lot of fun, has great energy, and a smile that lights up the room. There is something about her personality and she is really cute. Obviously I am still learning her more deeper aspects and values so we shall see as I learn more. I won't mention what I do like about her physically or Don will tear me a new one.
I have had many 1 and done dates because there was no physical attraction however that did not happen with her. Outside of not having my normal body type the sex could be MIND BLOWING but obviously I have not experienced that yet although I do get a feeling that she knows how to handle herself.
G if I remember right you thought M was cute but you were not all in however I think you said the sex is AMAZING and your attraction to him has grown correct? I agree with RX and having sex could catapult it.
All of this coming from people who told me to expand my comfort zone J.
With that said who knows what happens with this girl. No relationship is ever guaranteed and this one would be no different if I ended up in one with her. It could end next month, 6 months from now, 1 yr or hell even tonight. All relationships will end at some point. Any time you open yourself up to be with another person you are exposing yourself to potential pain.
Nothing is guaranteed. I know I have hurt people and I know I have been hurt as well. That's part of life.
Also if we have sex it could be really fuching crappy and that would definitely be a deal breaker. She told me there was 1 guy that started crying during sex because it was his first time after his W died and some other dude that just didn't know what to do. Obviously she had sex with them and ended things because it sucked. $hit happens.
But now, you basically say that because she keeps blowing up your phone you are going to "take another run at it". You romantic devil, you....we women so love when men "take a run at us."
OMG I think I may have just pissed my pants after reading that Dawn. I mean, too funny - or it just hit me that way. But I too took it kinda creepy as well and not at all flattering to or typical of Joseph but I think there is truth there.
Originally Posted by Joseph9
Nothing is guaranteed. I know I have hurt people and I know I have been hurt as well. That's part of life.
True enough but I think you are doing so much mind reading here and missing the bigger picture - because you are in the thick of it. That said some of us are mind reading as well but in part because I think you are making things up as you go so all we can do is take our best gut guess. I can tell you think we are coming down too hard on you and perhaps we are but by your own admission you are very much feeling your way through all of this - you'll know it when you see it. Again, fair enough but we can sense this woman is far more into you than you her. So when you say you are going to take another run at her there is truth to that statement. Yes, people get hurt all the time and it's not our jobs to prevent that but we are seeing this for what it is and this woman wants way more than you do. Clearly having sex with her is on your top 3 of priorities at this time - perhaps it's the top. For her I'll bet it's not cracking her top 5 and falls lower on the top 10. That's why we are trying to tell you that the two of you are not on the same page!!!
And when we say it's not very smart for any woman who does not know you to go to your house on the first or second date, it has very little to do with you. You can be one of the safest and nicest guys on the planet but there is no way for the women to know that!!! It has nothing to do with you and all to do with them not using their heads no matter whom it's with
Perhaps it is just part of all of this and you have to learn it on your own. I can guarentee if you look back at all of this a year from now you will face palm and say what the hell was I doing? You're too close now to see that. Even Dawn sees how you are blowing up the coaches rules - someone you claim to really follow yet you are violating his principles left and right. Dawn has never read the book. We see it but you can't - you're too close.
I can tell you this, if she does slip on her own rules and sleeps with you and doesn't get to call you her new boyfriend afterwards, she will totally regret violating her own rules and blame you on top of it. So take a run at her if you will but the girls are right -- someone here is going to get hurt - unless LH19 is correct and you really do want an R with her. Everyone here thinks he/she is correct. So who knows? I think you are making it all up as you go along and you won't know how you feel until you are there feeling it. That seems crystal clear.
Originally Posted by Joseph9
.Also if we have sex it could be really fuching crappy and that would definitely be a deal breaker. She told me there was 1 guy that started crying during sex because it was his first time after his W died and some other dude that just didn't know what to do. Obviously she had sex with them and ended things because it sucked. $hit happens.
Do you really believe this? So if the very first round of sex stinks you move on? You really believe she is the type of woman to dump a guy because he cried after having sex for the first time since becoming a widower? Really? I swear sometimes you just write shlt without giving it any thought - aka taking a run at her. While new and random can sometimes be hot, it's been the experience of many that it's best with someone you are really really into and have gotten to know - including knowing what the other persons likes and dislikes are. It's not a coincidence that Ginger has said both that M feels different and better than any of the previous guys she dated and is also the best sex she's had. That's not coincidence. For my money, anyone who would find the very first I intimate encounter as a deal breaker - no matter how average it was - is not someone you want to get in an R with in the first place. It really does get better with time and as you get closer and closer. People can be taught and for that matter as the coach even writes women are not the same - what one loves the next hates.
Originally Posted by kml
Don - there's this new invention - it's called Amazon. You should try it sometime.
Lol yeah I know... I've even used it. That's the easy part though - ordering what you want. It's knowing what to get that is stumping me. So I was out looking for inspiration - and people watching at the same time!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
It was not the sex that propelled M and I forward. it was 2 great dates, getting to know each other before and in between and something about that 3rd date where we just had the best time together that turned up the attraction level. The good in bed part was a bonus. And that has just gotten better as our connection has gotten stronger.
We want the same things. We are on the same page. I have been on the opposite pages on too many guys and it just never worked out well. And I did a lot of lying to myself, which I really regret.
So be honest with yourself. Maybe you really wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with her right away. If that's your truth, then that's your truth. Maybe you really just want to get some and that's ok too, but she's the wrong person for that.
And yeah, I bet having sex with another woman after your wife died would be a very emotional experience and the crying doesn't surprise me. I hope she was sensitive to him and I don't see how that is a sexual dealbreaker. Poor dude.
But the sex could not be all that hot the first time, but it could get a lot hotter with more connection.
I think it's very unclear what it is you want. I kinda get the feeling that you want to have a R with this lady, but you keep saying you will shut down a R talk because everyone here is saying it's too soon to have that talk. Is it possible that when she says she only has sex in a R, she is really meaning being exclusive? Not everyone has a checklist of what needs to happen to be in a R (some may consider exclusivity a R). Are you the type that likes to date and sleep with multiple people at the same time, or just one person at a time? If you already know what she means when she says R and aren't willing to go there, but you keep hoping for sex, then you are doing her wrong. But if you want to see if this blooms into a R, are willing to be exclusive until you find out it's not going to work, then tell her that and see how she feels about it.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
he is keeping us in suspense on purpose. He's watching right now knowing we are squirming in our seats to find out the next installment of "As J9 tries to get some booty"
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Smh at you all. We had sex, I got my test results back and I am not married. I did not hump and dump her or violate any of her boundaries. We started messing around and over the course of 5 hours she gave the all clear sign. I will say she was very surprised at my skills and early on during our session she had to stop a couple of times because she was loosing her mind. I will say though that the actual sex part was anti climatic since we had been messing around for hours. When she gave the all clear sign I immediately was not ready to go if you know what I mean so I had to take 5 min to recalibrate. I suppose it had something to do with going at it for 5 hours I guess or I hope. Maybe I was distracted as well.
Anyway the girlfriend talk did not come up but she does know that I am not talking to anyone else. I also don’t have a problem dating her exclusively either however I am not ready to get married.
She is really cool, fun, down to earth, happy, energetic which is all very attractive to me. A great fuching smile, a good kisser, very attentive, and I am still learning the deeper aspects of her. I did not find myself being grossed out by her body (she is more hour glass) or shying away from it either. I am not perfect also. In the moment of having sex I was not thinking about my X however it was different to be with someone that is totally into you. It was actually kind of distracting as sex with the X became very transactional. I was comfortable though not wierded out and the sex was good.
I don’t really no what else to say. She will be out of town on vacation for next 10 days or so. I will see her when she gets back.
Oh no, here we go again... Your (sic) killing us. LMAO
Originally Posted by Joseph9
I will say she was very surprised at my skills and early on during our session she had to stop a couple of times because she was loosing her mind.
I think I just choked on my popcorn, or through up a little in my mouth? Dude, enough with the TMI details already, I know you're excited but. Um ah, yeah I'm at a loss for words... Losing her mind....
So did Ginger win the bet? Seems like LH19 was also very much on target. Both seem to be winners - at least partly.
Seriously, I'm glad you are happy. I'm just so fearful that you have zero idea where you want to head or what you are in for but hey at least you didn't get married. Glad you got what you wanted and hope it helps!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Sounds good man! Glad you got the monkey of your back. IMO 4 dates is way too early to go exclusive but if you really think you are ready to settle down then to each his own.
You really say some interesting things sometimes. I'm glad you weren't grossed out by her body.
Get back to the fundamentals so this doesn't go south on you.
I only mentioned her body because there were concerns that she wasnt my type. Anyway I appreciate the thoughts and support. I am going to take a break for a while I hope you all have some downtime and can enjoy the holidays with your family and friends.
Please start a new thread and link this thread to the new one. I will come back around and link your new one to this one since I have locked it. Many thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I understand that the second "first" time really is an emotional experience. Confusing feelings come along.
I know it seems like we have been kind of hard on you, but we do know this isn't so easy and maybe as big brothers and sisters do, we tease a little, but we are trying to protect you. But you are a big boy and don't need it.
All relationships do not end. Sometimes they just simply change, but they don't all have to end.
I'm glad to hear you weren't "grossed out" but I never thought you would be grossed out by someone who wasn't quite your type. Maybe not as attracted, but I truly never expected you to be grossed out. If that was your fear and mindset, I can see why going outside of your norm is daunting. I was grossed out once. And it wasn't by body type alone. It was the unattractive side effects of his self admitted neglected health that did it for me.
Anyways, the only advice you really need to be sticking to is be true to yourself, and everything else will fall into place.
I only mentioned her body because there were concerns that she wasnt my type. Anyway I appreciate the thoughts and support. I am going to take a break for a while I hope you all have some downtime and can enjoy the holidays with your family and friends.
With all due respect, YOU were the one who continued to post about how she wasn't your type. We all just pointed it out, AFTER you did, repeatedly. And with the one before her, you pointed out a lot how great her body was. So, obviously that certain type is very important to you. To each his own, my man, and more power to you. You like what you like. No judgment here.
Honestly, I wish you nothing but the best and am glad you had a good "first" experience. It is a lot, the first time you have sex with someone after D. Most of us here have already been down that path and know how daunting it can be for a variety of reasons. Good luck with this lady and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your daughters.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
It makes me both sad and angry that you're already talking about this woman - this fellow human being - in such a disrespectful way as this.
If I had been out on a couple of dates with a guy, with the aim of something longer term, then slept with him, and found out that he'd said he wasn't 'grossed out' by my body, and that he'd been impressive (or whatever) in bed, I honestly wouldn't even bother calling him back. I'd just cut him as dead as dead can be and move right on with my life.
Ages ago, about 2 odd years ago now (about a month before I met my partner) I went out on a date with someone who thought they were God's gift. Handsome and good looking? Yes, he was. And he really obviously wanted to sleep with me. But good heavens above, he was boring as hell...so, so full of himself, and so shallow with it. I couldn't wait to get away. We had a couple of drinks and that was it. I feel like I had a lucky escape that evening.
It's been a good while since I've been this hacked off at someone online.
If it's mindless shagging you're after, with some hot chick with blonde hair and false knockers, then fair enough. Just go after that, but at least be above board about it.
If it's an R you're after, then also fair enough. Just please don't talk so disrespectfully about the person you hope to be in an R with.
Also, having been on the receiving end of personal comments from guys (mainly because I wouldn't give them what they wanted), I know from experience how darn hurtful they are...whatever the circumstances. 25 years on, I still remember some of them.
I echo what G said and acknowledge we may have been a little hard on you. I'm just trying to keep you and honest and congruent with your words. I am happy you seem happy!
Have a great holiday and enjoy your daughters!
IMO Focus is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of line and I know you didn't mean anything by what you said. Your'e a good dude!
