Ok well date number 3 is over and there was no R talk. When we first saw each other we hugged, kissed and then went inside the place and got our food. We chatted and ate just talked about BAU type of stuff her kids, work, etc. Nothing really earth shattering we joked some, we dive in deep a little bit around our previous relationships and the work we have done. She did comment that she was shocked that I have not dated anyone seriously ie have had a girlfriend and she told me on more than 1 occasion how good I felt.
We were together for about 1:30 mins......at the end I walked her out to her car we hugged, kissed some more and that was it. As I was pulling out of the restaurant I pulled up beside her and waved then she called me about 5 minutes later and told me she couldn't wait to see me again. She said she does not have her kids next Tuesday or Thursday evenings.
She is fully aware of my history, when my D was final, and she asked me about my past R as well. I tried to dodge the question and change the subject but she wouldn't let it go.
I am curious, how did you answer this question? I for one would answer that, our relationship just did not work out and it was not one or the others fault but more of a combined failure and understanding of eachother, and when I get to know you better I will be more open to discuss it with you. If she then would not let it go and kept pressing I would take that as a lack of respect for my boundaries. That is why I am curious as to how you answered her question about your ex and past relationships.
rexgm
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
btw I understand how her attention makes you feel. I would probably compare it with limerance and the effect a wayward wife has with another man. The attraction and high of meeting someone new, and why it is so addictive. The situation isnt the same since you are divorced but the chemicals being released in the brain are the same.
Rexgm
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Truthfully I was just honest with her. I owned my part in my failed MR, I told her that I had not dated anyone seriously since my D. She then asked me if I just have casual sex then. I attempted to change the subject but she asked me again so I thought to myself F-it I am just going to be honest so I told her the truth. Then I said if any of this scares you feel free to walk. I followed it by saying if I just wanted to get laid I very easily could have accomplished this by now but I am a very selective dater and just don't give anyone my time. I then said I can take it or leave it so let me know.
I hear ya RX.......I do enjoy it no doubt. I am still getting to know her though so I keep reminding myself of that. She is obviously clearly into me and that does feel good after getting jerked around by my X. I actually am glad she hasn't opened her legs yet, she opened up more today and is still opening up with me so I know she is getting comfortable.
I did tell her today that I was still getting to know her and that I want people in my life that will be a positive influence and bring value. I really felt today that she was being really honest with me and letting me know where she is at emotionally. Not selling herself but just being really honest.
I also got the impression that she knows I am a catch.
With that said we have been talking since 11/25 so it's only been 2.5 weeks and 3 dates. IDK for me honesty is the best policy, I didn't want to seem cagy with my responses and I am who I am. Ultimately if her knowing my past made her run then she didn't look deep enough and she wasn't for me.
She then asked me if I just have casual sex then. I attempted to change the subject but she asked me again so I thought to myself F-it I am just going to be honest so I told her the truth. Then I said if any of this scares you feel free to walk.
What do you mean exactly by "so I told her the truth." Are you saying you told about herpes girl and the fact that you were naked with this woman and performed oral sex on her after the first or I guess technically second date? I'm totally serious and not trying to be a smart arse - as that's the truth (not that I'm advocating you should have said that) but if you are saying you just told her the truth, all I can do is assume that was part of the truth telling??? But we know what assumptions bring so that's why I'm asking.
Originally Posted by Joseph9
I know you all are my big brothers and sisters......although DH acts like my Dad.
OMG I laughed so darn hard this AM after reading that!
So, anyways, son, let me tell you... today's date seemed to go better - very well actually. A lunch date with kissing - the way it should be if you're going to violate the coaches rules. She is clearly into you. The question still remains - why. And as I said previously, that is in no way a diss on you - not at all. As I said, right or wrong, I believe I'm a huge catch but I'd still be thinking, why is she so into me so soon without really knowing me? All you can really do now is continue moving forward. I get the feeling like you've backed off OLD with anyone else. Hopefully you would pursue the next interesting person you match with or however you do it. She may just be someone who comes in really strong at first but then calms down and could turn out to be a good match. Or, the red flags that some of us are seeing could turn out to be true. What I really don't want to see happen, but fear might, is she moves so fast that she will turn off just as quickly as she turns on. This is what you coach talks about and warns against. I'd hate to see you get really hurt that all of a sudden, poof she's gone and onto the next guy. But dating is a risk and that's part of it.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Please start a new thread and link the two threads together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She is clearly into you. The question still remains - why. And as I said previously, that is in no way a diss on you - not at all. As I said, right or wrong, I believe I'm a huge catch but I'd still be thinking, why is she so into me so soon without really knowing me? All you can really do now is continue moving forward. I get the feeling like you've backed off OLD with anyone else. Hopefully you would pursue the next interesting person you match with or however you do it. She may just be someone who comes in really strong at first but then calms down and could turn out to be a good match. Or, the red flags that some of us are seeing could turn out to be true. What I really don't want to see happen, but fear might, is she moves so fast that she will turn off just as quickly as she turns on. This is what you coach talks about and warns against. I'd hate to see you get really hurt that all of a sudden, poof she's gone and onto the next guy. But dating is a risk and that's part of it.