In order for you to receive the best possible advice more information about your Sitch(situation) is needed.
What kind of Marriage/relationship did you and your W have before she left? Why do you think she left? How long were you and her married? What did she say to you the day before she left? Or was her last statements you remember before she left? Was she acting any different from her usual self a few months before she left? If so, what was she doing or saying that wasn't like her usual self? What kind of husband and father do you think you were? And what kind of husband and father do you think she saw you as?
Read all the links Job has posted.
In your replys/post be as specific as possible.
Patience will/needs to become your best friend.
Onward and forward
Last edited by joejoe1; 12/01/1805:55 PM.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I met my W 21 years ago, we were friends all this time, dated on and off in the 90s, she got married with one guy in the mid 2000s, we were still friends and called each other a few times during her marriage, nothing bad, pure friendship.
I did not hear from her for a couple of years, one day out of the blue she messaged me that she kicked her H out the house and she was pregnant, I was a supportive friend, few months to a year she messaged me again that she moved back with her mom. From there we started messaging each other all day every day, it was a long distance relationship.
We we were like that for a couple of years, we got married 3.5 years ago, everything was good, there were a few fights, mostly finances, I was working to much and she was a stay at home mom and spending way to much on clothes and knic knacks, i slowly started getting raises at work and spending way less money.
She started blaming me for not being intimate but she will not ever initiate anything, no kisses no hugs, I was all over her all the time, when our son would go to sleep I will make my W a drink and asked her to listen to music with me, I will always kiss her and hug her, say nice things about her beauty, but she will go to bed really early saying she was tired, a few days later she will blame again for not being intimate.
In the last few months It got worse, she would never greet me at the door, only say a few short sentences during the day, take the dog out or something in that realm.
our last argument was the strangest of all, I came home and she was drinking with some friends, when our friends left she started crying because our pet was really sick and might not make it, I hugged her and tried to help her during the painful time, but she punched me and started saying all of the craziest accusations about me, she told me that I was an @$$... and a liar. I stayed calm and listened, gave her my most honest replies to her questions.
a week later she was gone, she left while I was at work.
I was a fantastic father, my friends, family and neighbours say this, I am not making it up, as a husband maybe not the best, I was tired all the time from work, but I always engage in conversations and tried to make her laugh, at first it was fine, over time she would make fun of me in front of people, she was very rude, accused me of being a drunk and angry, one of my most vivid memories is one when I was trying to talk to her and she said that she was not going to talk to if I was drunk, I HAD A SODA IN MY HAND, when I showed it was a soda she just went silent, I quit drinking completely, she never asked me to do it, I just did.
I am still searching for what I did wrong, I think it was mostly for me pushing her to do something with her life, when our son started school, I kept telling her to get at least a part time job, so she can help me a little, I was not getting raises at work, we were using my credit card a lot, This grew on me and I started to become angry at times, mostly money and her lack of attention to me, I was feeling just like a wallet to her.
You can not control other people. You can, however, control yourself and how you respond.
I am all about doing what is right for the kids. (IE keeping the family together) Your sitch is tricky since S is not you bio child. Definitely get legal advise ASAP. Let us know what you find out.
You will be walking down several parallel paths during this process. One of those paths is reflecting on your behavior during the R, making positive changes to assure that you do not find yourself in this sitch again. I lump this into Personal Growth. I will assume you have NGS (Nice guy syndrome) like most of us did when we showed up here. It is really hard to see how our own behavior is unattractive. Then the bomb.
Focus on your personal growth. Do research on what woman are attracted to. Confidence is at the top of the list.
Pursing is NOT ATTRACTIVE at this point. Do not pursue her.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
As of today, she is ignoring me, I will never call or text again. I have only called once, she only told me to throw away all her stuff and clothes, also to throw away all of my son's toys and clothes, that crushed me.
Do not throw them away. Take your time. Box them up nicely. When done, text her that her stuff is boxed up and she can pick them up whenever she wants. Put the boxes in garage or spare room
Start in Master Bedroom. Make it yours. Make it manly.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
