I have only texted 2 times, in the past 2 months, one was yesterday to ask her for her address so I can send a Christmas present to my son, she did not even read the text.
She texted me once to tell me my dog is dead, I replied civil and short, all by the book, still only to be ignored again.
It made me feel like she was running away from a serial killer
Thanks for the followup post with more information, it was very helpful. First, I know how you feel. Everyone's BD is different but the emotions tend to be the same.
I see a lot of similarities in your relationship with your WAW and a friend of mine. She too always saw me as a friend. When her husband started acting strange towards her a few years ago, she came running to me. I made it clear to her at the time that I was married and couldn't be more than a shoulder for her to cry on. She spent the next few years trying to convince me otherwise, even had a PA with another guy during that time (I again was support for her when he not surprisingly hurt her badly). My point is that if at anytime I would have given in and been more for her, I would have been a temporary bandaid.
When I look at your sitch I see a shattered woman, about to become a mother, with no other prospects at the time. She reached out to you to rescue her, which you did. Long-term romantic success is built on much more than this and any relationship with this dynamic at its core is probably doomed to eventually having issues unless there is a lot of work put into it. You said that she accused you of a lack of intimacy, yet she never initiated. Are you sure you were speaking the same language with her on that? Most women view intimacy more related to non-sexual contact: hugging, sharing, discussing, spending time together, getting and giving gifts, and acts of service. Most guys jump right to Barry White songs and getting down and dirty in the sheets. Likely she meant the intimacy she was missing was the first and not the last. This is what I mean by work. Getting married is relatively easy. Maintaining a marriage requires work, growth, learning, counseling, improving, and understanding your partner.
Have you read the 5 love languages? Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy? Obviously you should read DB/DR. Stop focusing on your contact or lack of contact with her. And start focusing on self-improvement. GAL, 180s, and detaching.
Saving your marriage is not entirely up to you. But saving yourself is fully within YOUR control!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85, Everything you described about intimacy is exactly what I did, I am not a Barry White dude. I am a romantic in that sense, still she would go to bed early with every possible excuse
I was in your same shoes. The problem is not that you did it. Is that you did it with a thermometer stuck in the activies rectum to check the temp:
"I spent more time with her today, let's see if it has an impact on the sack tonight!" Nope, no impact. "I did nice things for her today, let's see if it has an impact on the sack tonight!" Nope, no impact. "I bought her a nice gift today, let's see if it has an impact on the sack tonight!" Nope, no impact.
We call this Nice Guy Syndrome...I do this, I expect that. It is a covert contract "since I've done this for her she should do that for me!"
Here is your problem. Wives have a sixth sense on this stuff. I can almost guarantee you that when you did these things, hoping it had an impact in the sex department, your wife felt that unspoken expectations and it dried her up between the legs faster than a jet engine.
Please read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Having nice guy syndrome is not nice at all. I thought you might have a touch of it when you said "everyone says I was a good dad!" Nice guys say stuff like that all the time. "I'm a nice guy, everyone says so!"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I see, even my W said a lot of times that I was great dad, my S would cooperate on anything if I asked him and would laugh a lot around me. I saw it too, other people saw it.
Speaking of GAL, I do not know how much more I can do, I lost 23 pounds, running and weights, I take meditation classes foucused on anger and patience, I am recording albums with a couple of bands, also I am playing festivals and big concerts with a kind of popular band.
