Truth is, my attorney advised me that if i get suspicious to hire a PI to do surveillance. She met EA in a parking lot and told him she thought I was having an A and she needed to talk to him.she was frantic about it. They haven't met or talked in 2 months. They make small talk and then discuss future meet ups, all in a parking lot. Next is wed during day and after that mid dec. She even tells him she doesn't want to raise suspicion from me, actively plotting this behind my back. They end up making out and discuss they can't talk or text until next meeting. She tells him this is what she wants out of life but feels bad for destroying a family. No talk of sex, and next meeting she will be on her monthly cycle.
It hurt to hear but I could have carried on like this for months, getting comfort and finances from me and something else from him. I feel used.
My big question is, if you're going to have an affair, why not do it full force and not once per month in a parking lot in broad daylight? It seems she wants her cake and give each of us little nuggets to keep us interested.
Hamburg, nothing they think or do makes any sense. They are spinning between what they think they want and what they already have. Trying to understand it and track their movement will do nothing but make you crazy.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Yes it does make me crazy. I have decided she violated terms of commitment and am moving forward with D. I think even if she tries to come back my way I cannot do it. I love her deeply and this hurts. She is a different person. This may very well end up being finalized soon and then it will be too late for any hope.
Or he may not be willing to go further until the D
Or they are doing more that you do not know about
You never really know
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
1. You are correct that she is a different person and your old M is dead. It can always be resurrected and rebuilt.
2. MLC take a long time...it is a marathon, not a sprint.
3. It is your choice whether or not to pull the trigger on the D, but it won't stop the love you have for your W.
4. Hope has no timeline.
5. We have to do what is right for ourselves to overcome the hurt and the pain. Will finalizing the D actually take away the hurt and the pain?
6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Thanks. Round 1 of replay was dynamic, explosive and hateful. She had full control of things and I was pursuing. Then we reconciled for a month. Round 2 seems so much more calm and cool....at least for now. I have control and told her how the D will work. I am not pursuing. I have grown and can handle the threats and daggers. I started to detach and she started to check out. When I told her I wouldn't be friends after the divorce she really began to check out. I started to GAL and it got to the point she was asking me who I was with and I would just reply "friends". I guess she took that as me having an A, throwing her back in to his arms.
Now she seems subdued and has a sad look on her face.....hopefully remorse. During round 1 she was energetic, hateful and took every chance to tell me how much better OM was then me and how great her life will be without me.
If we agree on terms the D can be final in a matter of days (filing was in July). I want to at least get through the holidays ... for the kids sake. I don't want them remembering christmas as the time we split as a family.
We had thanksgiving plans as a family but now I will take kids out myself.
[/quote] Truth is, my attorney advised me that if i get suspicious to hire a PI to do surveillance. She met EA in a parking lot and told him she thought I was having an A and she needed to talk to him.she was frantic about it. They haven't met or talked in 2 months. They make small talk and then discuss future meet ups, all in a parking lot. Next is wed during day and after that mid dec. She even tells him she doesn't want to raise suspicion from me, actively plotting this behind my back. They end up making out and discuss they can't talk or text until next meeting. She tells him this is what she wants out of life but feels bad for destroying a family. No talk of sex, and next meeting she will be on her monthly cycle.
It hurt to hear but I could have carried on like this for months, getting comfort and finances from me and something else from him. I feel used.
My big question is, if you're going to have an affair, why not do it full force and not once per month in a parking lot in broad daylight? It seems she wants her cake and give each of us little nuggets to keep us interested.[quote]
H
You are a smart patient man from what I have read. Based on this reporting if she were a friend and not your W what would you get from this information.
Case study..keeping in mind MLC is irrational, frantic, paranoid and immature behaviour.
The OM is accepting a "relationship" that consists of meeting in a parking lot & no communication until she initiates, what does this say about their character and the dynamics in the "relationship". Any woman knows you plan around your "monthly" so that's interesting. It seems she is in desperate desire for control. I had read somewhere that the MLS doesn't have interest in the LBS, I question that though. In my experience the LBS is the target of interest for the MLS. Maybe not for a distancer, but for a clinger/boomerang I think so
Like a teenager she thinks she is pulling one over on you like you are her parent trying to ruin her fun so she has to sneak out the window to not get caught.... If she is thinking like I was, she probably figures you will "get mad at her" but its not like you will kick her out of the house for good, cause you love her right. Think like a teenager or a child, that is where her rational is. Like a toddler she will use the same control tactics, how do you deal with a young child, options and choices and firm boundaries. Options and choices are an illusion of control and they work to feed that want of control in a more positive way. Boundaries help reduce their choices' affect on you.
She is definitely filling her present needs some with you and some with the OM. Her present needs are not true needs in the sense of the pyramid of needs. She has selfish needs getting filled as well. You got it, lots of cake!
I actually feel bad for her, that she is so caught in the drama of running that she doesn't see the damage or what she is missing out on. What a waste of time eh....chasing her tail like a puppy....when she falls she might be in for a hard landing.
Part of the allure is getting away with it, the affair I mean. So, it may be just wanting to steal that lipstick, not walk out the store door with a lawnmower...still get the high feed. If that makes sense.
Watching the sky for the space shuttle return...relief, lights at last BD May/12 (37, H41- D18 D13 S11) July 2012 ILYBNILY reconcile oct/12 no AP 2nd BD Jan/18 start again Original AP
I agree with you as to the remorse that is on their faces at times.
When they are in a state of Limerence, there is nothing that will get through to them. I am of the belief that at some point they kind of has buyers remorse.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
If you are not concrete on the D, take a bit more time. Things could change as they often do with MLC.
How is the D going through legally going to change the situation and what are your hopes in regard to it.
If you are using the finalizing to gain/maintain control it may not work the way you hope.
Patience is hard but necessary if deep in your heart you desire reconciliation with your W, not the MLC W but the one at the end of the crisis. Just make sure the D is what you truly want and recognize why you want it. If its for control or reaction to the situation then maybe think on it. If it is because there is nothing left in your heart and you could never forgive or see your family together after the crisis...then maybe think too. Just don't do it out of spite and control.
You are hurt, understood. It is brutal and surreal, understood.
She is trying to get the high from replay and its not there like it once was.
Patience is hard.. keep your expectations low. She will let you down they always do, but, unconditional love is a powerful thing.
Watching the sky for the space shuttle return...relief, lights at last BD May/12 (37, H41- D18 D13 S11) July 2012 ILYBNILY reconcile oct/12 no AP 2nd BD Jan/18 start again Original AP
Wheels turning with the D have to do with evidence now she violated terms of the M. It crossed a boundary for me, and I cannot live on a M that way. I mean, plotting things for a month from now behind my back? Np bueno. At first I was angry and wanted depositions , I was going to kick her to the curb jobless and without a place to go. Looking at her face and at my children I cannot do that. I initially wanted out of the house by whatever means necessary and was willing to sell it rock bottom. Now that I've had time to think I want to give her a chance to find a job and get through the holidays with all of us under the same roof. It may not be glamorous but want the kids to have pleasant memories of our last christmas together.
