Do you know if CMM has a will, and if so, who the Executor might be? From my meagre knowledge of legalities (especially American ones) I think the Executor makes sure the funeral etc is done but of course the family's wishes must be taken into account.
Not sure what happens if the NOK don't claim a person's remains. There would have to be a policy for that somewhere, as there is for dying intestate. I'm wildly guessing here, but I suspect the equivalent of the Public Trustee would have to wait for a stated NOK to show, and if there wasn't anybody, they'd consider your claim to his remains.
Wow, you've taken some huge steps there. And I'm super impressed by your gentleness and compassion.
Also agree with the you've done as much as you could in trying to communicate with his Ds.
I love the journal idea, I really love it. Is his preferred mode of communication written? I'm thinking if not, does it even have to be a written one? Can it be visual? Or maybe record some snippets on some sort of recording device? Include music, outside sounds of the world and time away? Could it be something that you do together? So it's something that you're sharing as well?
Good point about the will Devvo- I definitely need to find out about that for other reasons. I don't think the will will help with remains though, since they need to be picked up quickly and a will can take some time to go through probate and such.
Still hopeful that he might be able to work out his relationship with at least one of the girls before it comes to that but I definitely need to know how to handle it if they don't work things out.
One thing I fear is that he will die and then the daughters will accuse me of somehow hiding money from them. The truth is he doesn't have much and I expect much of a disability settlement he will be receiving (from a prior work-related accident) will end up being spent before the end of his life. I'm not sure that their perception of him as the good provider that he was has met up with his current reality as I suspect he never wanted to tell them how reduced his circumstances were.
I truly believe you're not a proper grown up until you can see your parents as real people, with all their strengths and weaknesses. CMM's girls are still young and they haven't really had the most functional person in charge of their upbringing. They may end up OK anyway, but I wouldn't be surprised if it takes them a little longer than most to get there.
I think this means the chances of them behaving with grace and maturity are not good. Keep your expectations low.
Yes, Devvo, that's exactly my thought - they're too young to realize their invincible parent might die, and too young to get the shades of gray in terms of who is at fault in the breakdown of the marriage and the financial consequences that ensued. Clearly he hasn't been a perfect parent or they would be warmer; yet I don't see evidence of dealbreakers like abuse. So my fear is the regret they may come to feel when they're older after he dies, and if there is anything I can do that would be helpful when that time comes then I would like to be able to do that.
Had a delicious Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat then saw Bohemian Rhapsody with my kids. Thankful for so many things including the support of this board.
I loved Bohemian Rhapsody, as did S19 when he watched it with me. I never thought a movie about a 70's rock band would ever be family entertainment in 2018, but there you go!
