Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage

[SoTorn]

So WW came home. Tried to draw me into a fight. Called me a piece of sh*t and that I will be sorry for feeding the kids bullsit.

WW feels that although she put the idea of an affair in D16s mind by telling her I had her followed and was paranoid she had an affair, that I am manipulating the kids by telling them lies.

When in fact my mother in law has been calling D16 and D19 every day trying to convince them that my wifes affair was an exit plan and that I'm a bad person and WW is justified in doing all of this.

So now that I found out MIL is trying to manipulate kids I am pissed. After D16 got into argument, D11 knows now because of their fight. I may have to take the kids down to the station to file a police report. I guess WW totally flipped out.

WW believes that everyone in my family is now out to get her and that I'm trying to get people to choose sides. So I'm sure WW is telling all two of her family members that I'm evil, devil in the flesh.

I can't believe that my MIL thinks I bugged her house and her phone. Jesus. I am seriously beginning to believe that WW may be suffering from a serious mental health issue.

[RR17]

I wont discuss them because she is using the fact that she makes more money to punish me.shes not trying to be reasonable. Shes pointing out that if I pay half of everything that she will have a bunch of money and I wont. I know its punitive because she has berated me for only making twice the median national household income per year by myself because I only have a high school diploma.

She berates you for only making $118K, am I understanding this correctly?

[SoTorn]

I wont discuss them because she is using the fact that she makes more money to punish me.shes not trying to be reasonable. Shes pointing out that if I pay half of everything that she will have a bunch of money and I wont. I know its punitive because she has berated me for only making twice the median national household income per year by myself because I only have a high school diploma.

She berates you for only making $118K, am I understanding this correctly?

Correct. I also insure my entire family and pay for mine and her families cell phone service. WW is completely convinced in some worthless idiot.

D16 has a counseling session at 11. WW invited herself to go. WW, and now her mom and brother are desperately trying to convince the kids that I am lying to them and that she has done nothing. Even though she opened the gate for D16 knowing about this, she keeps telling them stuff like "i didn't love him anymore so i wasn't cheating "

It's really sickening how the WS can get so delusional that they are trying to convince everyone that the truth isn't real.

[EZdozit]

SoT..

It’s a part of the script in which everything was always bad and your 100% at fault for everything that caused the detriment of your MR. Any logic or reasoning is out the window in her emotional state. I know that’s how my W treats me.

[SoTorn]

Yep. It's a mental health issue. So today when I got up WW immediately ambushed me asking about how much I ran up the credit card. WW is convinced I'm just going nuts and spending drives of cash. I calmly explained that it's my card and I will use it and that I'm sorry if she feels I'm plotting against her when I am in fact not.

WW tried to again tell me I was puppeteering the children. I advised I'm sorry she feels that way but our children are old enough to know right and wrong and that the children unfortunately saw her true colors last night and that the perspective the kids have is based solely on her actions.

I told WW that I'm not taking blame for anything happening right now and that I know who I am and so do my children. I advised her that she got herself into this situation and that it's her responsibility to repair what she has done. I left it at that.

WW left for a while. Therefore I went to my moms with S11 and D19 for a while. WW messaged me asking where S11 was. I waited a while and advised "with me". I left my phone on silent and she had messaged four more times "where are you?" I never responded. Came home and WW is sitting in the room on her phone as always.

[SoTorn]

Thos is how you GAL. Take your kids shooting.

click here

[AnotherStander]

WW just got curb stomped by reality. I really hope that she at least caught a glimpse of what she has done to this family.

ST, first very sorry you're going through this. It's especially difficult when the WAS tends to be violent. Second, no she's not getting a dose of reality. That's not how it works. She still thinks everything is your fault. You've got to completely remove yourself from the equation (go dark as possible, contact limited to kid exchanges and info), and for months and months, before reality will start setting in for her. Third, talk to your L about her behavior. He/ she may recommend that you start documenting all of this and maybe even recording it. Her behavior is not normal for a WAS, so please don't think this is just a phase to work through or something you have to live with. It is NOT. It sounds to me like abuse, and you do not want her abusing your kids under any circumstances. Talk to your L!

[ovrrnbw]

WS's project all of their negatives onto the LBS. This is to be expected, so handle it calmly.

I felt like you were maybe puppeteering the children, so just make sure you aren't. I don't know if you were or weren't, but just be careful. Be the sane one at all times.

Also, use less words in responding to her.

[SoTorn]

WW just got curb stomped by reality. I really hope that she at least caught a glimpse of what she has done to this family.

ST, first very sorry you're going through this. It's especially difficult when the WAS tends to be violent. Second, no she's not getting a dose of reality. That's not how it works. She still thinks everything is your fault. You've got to completely remove yourself from the equation (go dark as possible, contact limited to kid exchanges and info), and for months and months, before reality will start setting in for her. Third, talk to your L about her behavior. He/ she may recommend that you start documenting all of this and maybe even recording it. Her behavior is not normal for a WAS, so please don't think this is just a phase to work through or something you have to live with. It is NOT. It sounds to me like abuse, and you do not want her abusing your kids under any circumstances. Talk to your L!

Oh I know this okay take a while and that there is a slim chance of hope.

D16 told me that in her IC session with WW, WW broke down crying and said she was "so sorry". D16 asked her for what and WW said "for everything ".

I know her mind isn't anywhere near where it needs to be for her to recognize how badly she messed up.

Unfortunately, WW and I are both off and home today. I'm getting out for some chores. WW cant even look at me and is acting super timid and meek.

I'm continuing NC unless something necessary comes up. I had to get something from her bathroom so I was polite and asked before I went into her room.

[SoTorn]

WS's project all of their negatives onto the LBS. This is to be expected, so handle it calmly.

I felt like you were maybe puppeteering the children, so just make sure you aren't. I don't know if you were or weren't, but just be careful. Be the sane one at all times.

Also, use less words in responding to her.

I'm not puppeteering the kids. I'm just spending time with them. Please understand that along with ignoring me for 1.5 years, she did the same to the kids. So they talk about her to me a lot. I stay out of the meat of what's happening. I just tell them that we both love them and that we will all be fine.

Also, I didn't just start taking my kids out. This is a normal thing for me. I have been the only parent home 100% of the time while WW travels. So I'm always doing things with the kids.

I'm dark on WW. No contact and minimal words if speaking is necessary.

Kids are at school. Im going to run some errands.