“We” are not evil all the time? I wouldn’t lump yourself in with him, or whoever the “we” you are referring to is.
It was so completely out of character for him it even freaked out his 11 year old daughter and called to make sure he is ok and someone didn’t hijack his phone!
I don’t think my ex is evil. He is missing the empathy chip, but yeah, maybe the monkeys do sleep every now and then and he lets down his guard.
He was like that one other time. The day of the sandhook shootings. He was delirious with fever and he said to me. “ our daughter is the only thing I’ve ever done right in my life”
At time, I think he regrets the path he went on. He’s pretty much spending 3/4 of his life without his daughter.
I was honestly worried. I don’t hate him. He is the father of my daughter. They are closing on their first housentogethwr aa a family on Tuesday. I’m sure he is excited and fine
I don’t think my ex is evil. He is missing the empathy chip, but yeah, maybe the monkeys do sleep every now and then and he lets down his guard.
I don't think that my ex is evil either. She has however deliberately done things that I regard as evil out of her own selfishness.
I don't hate her either. I am and probably always will be angry with her. But the fire of that has faded substantially over time.
It is perhaps easier for those of us with "vanishers". There is no foreseeable circumstance where I would be obliged to communicate with her. As you know, I do get the itch from time to time.
Does she recognize the scope of what she did? Perhaps like your ex from moment to moment. She's so very quiet though that I have no way of knowing. I do still fear her showing up on my doorstep like Jack once described. Broken and disheveled. But I'm also pretty confident that her struggles haven't broken her.
Being the people we are, people who in many ways have been broken by those who we cared for so much, it is natural for us to feel empathy for our former partners. And to want to help those we have empathy for. But they aren't ours to save any more.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Lolol - it's a sad comment on our exes that such a note triggers thoughts of their impending suicide. I'd probably think the same thing if my ex texted anything like that. Ok, maybe not if he said it to the kids. But if he ever sent anything to ME apologizing for what he did, I'd be calling the police for a welfare check for sure!!!!
If my ex apologized to me, I would have called the authorities! I imagine if he ever did, that would be something he did at the end of life, but I am pretty sure he is taking any apologies to the grave. As far as I know, he is alive and well. I guess some humanity peaks through once in a very blue moon, and I couldn't be happier it was geared towards our daughter.
I had a very nice expensive weekend. We celebrated my dad's birthday, went to the movies, shopped, etc.. Now I am on 9 days of work in a row, most of them short-handed. I just keep focusing on that paycheck.
I was doing laundry yesterday and I found a man's t shirt I didn't recognize. I asked M if it was his, and he said "nope, that's some other dude's". I said the only other possible dude was my dad who throws his clothes in my landry and has a drawer here. I said "I know you were joking, but I wanted to let you know you are the only dude in my life and the only one I want here". He sent me some smiling emoji faces. I said "I hope you feel the same way about me" He texted back "I definitely do". I hate that for the next few weeks we will barely see each other but it is what it is. If we get together tomorrow night for a bit, it will be the last for almost 2 weeks. Part of me wonders if his family asks him at the wedding if he is seeing anyone special if he would say yes. I hope I am not a secret.
Anyways, I will definitely be more than occupied with work.
I am going to lay off the mind reading and realize that in the next week, I probably won't even hearing from him. He leaves for the wedding Thursday, will be gone all weekend and is off through thanksgiving. He is the best man, has his son at the wedding, etc. So I expect we will be out of contact. And I am okay with that. We are going to see each other for the last time for a little while tonight. I am sad, I am going to miss him. He is on the lake committee in his lake community and he was telling me about his meeting and next year there will be actual swimming. He said "Maybe I'll take you as a guest" I said "I would love that if you will have me" and he said "of course I would!" So, perhaps he sees us being together in the summer? Ahhhh, mindreading again! I am sure we all have these thoughts though when we are dating someone. Things remain to be good. I am going to enjoy the good.
On another note, and this is just a vent. I had a minor anxiety attack this morning at work. In the privacy of my office. I don't even have anxiety. Being here brings me to tears, I hate it so much. I am all alone and so much is expected of me. My Biotch boss sees me this morning, hasn't tried to get me any coverage, doesn't ask if I need help or how I am holding up, or maybe thank me for working like this. She only knows how to jump on me when something is wrong. It is the most toxic defeating environment ever. After getting a taste of the other hospital and acute care, I want out even more.
While things are looking positive, house, boyfriend, etc. My eating has been garbage because of lack of time and stress, I am only getting to the gym once or twice a week, and I feel absolutely gross. I have so much going on and am having a really hard time keeping up. My self care has gone down the tubes. I need my health back, I need to make more time to do the things I enjoy without guilt. I really wanted to go to the gym last night, but I got home late from work, D11 had been home alone, she needed help with school, she needed dinner, and she begged me not to leave her alone again. So no gym. I ordered in dinner (pizza/pasta/chicken fingers special) so I felt gross. I felt guilty and meal prepped for a few days. I also ordered meals from this place called kettlebell kitchen that delivers to your gym healthy premade meals. I am trying to make my life a little easier, while not spending too much money and being healthy.
And I have rambled on enough. better get back to work and all the people harassing me.
I tried to post a response and comment to this three times yesterday but all three times my computer froze and crashed. I sent Ginger a PM saying I think God's trying to tell me to keep my big mouth shut! But in all fairness, I'm having HUGE problems with that computer (it's a 2009 PC so time to replace it) so it's likely not divine intervention. Then I see Ginger sort of doubled down so I'm on a different computer. If this one crashes it really is a sign. If not you'll all be reading what I have to say.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I said "I know you were joking, but I wanted to let you know you are the only dude in my life and the only one I want here". He sent me some smiling emoji faces. I said "I hope you feel the same way about me"
I cringed when I first read this - which is why I tried three times to comment. Letting him know he's the only dude in your life at this point is not a problem as I see it. It's been somewhere between two and three months so really no harm there and it's reassuring to the guy. Saying he's the only one that you want there - okay that's a step further but still not a huge concern. But then for some reason his emoji response wasn't good enough so you pretty much forced him to do better and to reassure you with "I hope you feel the same way about me." That's where I cringed. I now wish I would have gotten that post up because you doubled down today.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
He said "Maybe I'll take you as a guest" I said "I would love that if you will have me" .
If you will have me? Again, "reassure me that you really will want me as a guest." Ginger STOP IT! We've talked about your insecurities, which you acknowledge. However, you said that you're not saying or doing anything to let him in on it. Well, clearly oh yes you are. And there is no reason to. It's anything but attractive. If he's not yet, he soon will start picking up on your need for somewhat constant reassurance - whether it's a morning or goodnight text or it's that you're the only one or that he's thinking of you or that he will want to see you. I know that's what you are thinking but it's not going to help your cause. The "What we fear we create" really has truth to it and it's just downright not sexy or attractive.
The fact that you won't see him or may not see him now will likely make this worse. PLEASE DON'T LET IT!!! Take this time to reconnect with your girlfriends. Work on your house. Do things with D11 or all of the above. It's only been a couple of months to be missing him sooooo much that it will effect you this much. Now, I also know what time of the month it is - OMG is that not a commentary in and of itself that I know your cycle LMAO but I'm sure this is making it even worse. You've got to get a handle on this. You are worthy of him. He is lucky to have someone like you. You don't need to essentially be asking "do you like me, do you, do you? did you miss me, have you missed me?" I know your'e not saying that but it very well could come across that way with the way you are wording things.
DEEP BREATH. If it's not meant to be it's not meant to be. You fearing it won't make it better. Act as if he's perfectly content with you - because he very likely is! Whether she believed it or not (and it's looking like she did) wild girl was very self confident saying "Go ahead and date someone else, goodbye, I'll find someone". Now there was context to it but look at the contrast of her attitude versus you're the only guy and I hope you want me. She even tells her D17 this - that there are plenty of guys out there that want to date you. Yes, you again think you've found a good one, but you've sorta felt that way with several guys this year. Get it in your head - act as if - draw every bit of confidence you can muster - but above all, don't beg him for affirmation or even bait or lay the groundwork for it. He's likely not going anywhere unless you become unattractive and needy to him - then he may. Don't let that happen! When he says "Maybe I'll take you as a guest" your response should be more like "if you're lucky, yes you maybe will" - and never "If you'll have me" See my point? See the difference?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
