My story

[ovrrnbw]

No phone calls, texts, or small convos? Is she in the house still?

[Manta]

No, i kicked her out in August after discovering the A. she made no effort to reconcile or show remorse. Shes still having the A. Few random texts, 2 missed calls a few weeks ago after getting my solicitors letter. didn't bother answering.
I'm not tolerating any crap.

[ovrrnbw]

OK, good to know.

[Manta]

No update. Its over 3 months since DDay. I haven't heard from my WW since end of sept, when she text me looking for a D. Over 2 months since i last saw her in person.

She has made no effort for R. She hasn't responded to my solictor either. Nothing. It's like she's hiding out and doesn't want to deal with the fallout since DDay.

It's a strange time. My feelings are like a rollercoaster. Sad/Anger/loneliness/ hopelessness then numbness. I have come a long way since August, but still feel like a shell now of who i was. In my gut, I'm thinking that she really knows she messed up however she doesn't know what to do. Maybe the fog is lifting? Maybe AP isnt all she thought he was

I don't think her family are too happy with her and see her in a different way now. It doesn't matter anyway.


I have moved back home to my family for the moment. I'm seeing her in a different way now and reflecting on all emotional abuse and manipulation done to me. Part of me hopes fpr R, however i don't think she would make the real effort needed to R. She's not good for me. How she left this M easily for a stranger and discarded me i will mever understand.



BH: 35 WW:32
M: 2
BD: August 2018

WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018

[Manta]

See today she has changed her watsapp pic, to her and the AP. It hurt's so much. But i have to keep going.

[sandi2]

Well....….I can lie and spill out some clichés, or I can be painfully honest and tell you what I've seen IRL and on the board. I'm going to do the latter.

You are a nice guy. Probably a really good man, who wants to place his beautiful W on a pedestal, do everything for her in order to make things easier on her. Maybe this is how you see a man shows his love. The problem is that it not only spoils her, but she develops a sense of entitlement and then she looses attraction for you. Women have to respect their H, before she can feel really in love with hm. Remember this the next time you are tempted to treat a woman like she is above you.

If you have not read the book about the nice guy syndrome, please get it and read ASAP. It's not very long.

Women like your WW will not change toward a "nice-guy" type. She wants all the thrill of being romanced and falling in love. However, she proven what kind of woman she was before you M her. Right? Being the nice guy that you are, and thinking you had really lucked out by getting this beautiful girl, you gave her another chance. She did not feel the passion for you, b/c it was killed with your nice-guy mentality. Read the book, b/c I don't want you to think I am telling you to be mean and hateful to women. Women want men who are stronger than her. They don' t admire a man that waits hand & foot on her. She wants a man who takes charge and leads. A man who won't put up with cr@p treatment from her. She wants a man she can look up to, and if you are doing all the work in the house and treating her as if she is royalty..….I promise she is looking down...not up at you. Her feelings and attitude will definitely change, b/c she'll feel too good for you and she'll desire another man.

I've seen so many young women like your WW, and if you were my son who was M to her, I would tell you to cut your loses and move on while you can. Don't saddle yourself with this woman who will do nothing but bring you more heartbreak. I recognize the signs in her. She will blame you for anything in life that makes her angry. It doesn't matter if you had anything to do with it, she will take her anger out on you. I suspect you try to show how much you love her by trying harder to please her and make her happy . It's a common mistake. However, women like your WW does not appreciate the man like you. They think they are superior, just b/c you try to please her.

There are some women out there that would not disrespect you and break your heart by going back and forth to other men. I agree with Steve that you love the idea you've formed about her. She may be physically beautiful, but her heart is not so pretty. You say she is a good person, but I don't see her being good to you. When a woman cheats on you before marriage, she's going to cheat after the marriage. She will never be good to you, IMO. That's not to say the next lady won't treat you well, if you learn how to change your nice-guy ways. You cannot put yourself into a subservient position to the woman and expect her to feel attraction and admiration for you. Do you know what I mean? If you had done this only while she was recuperating after the miscarriages, or if she was physically ill...….but just so she could rest? No, that was a big mistake. Please don't do that in the future, with any woman. She won't respect you if you do everything while she lays around as if she were a princess. You should have treated yourself better.

When she contacts you by asking, "Are you okay?" This her way to pull you into a conversation and tell her if you are still missing her and want her back. My advice is not to respond to those type of text messages.

I have not given you the advice you probably wanted. I have to ask if you want to save the M b/c you feel it is the thing you are suppose to do.,,,,,or is it b/c you believe she will change and become the kind of W you dream about? Like I said, you are still young and things could be so different with another woman, IF you learn how to stop acting like a nice-guy type. Get the no more mr. nice guy book. It can change your life for the better, if you'll apply it.

((hugs))

[Manta]

I'm devastated Sandi. I feel shes rubbing my face in it now. Shes a horrible pos.

[sandi2]

Based on what I have observed over the years, it only gets worse. Since you've been with her for just a couple of years, I believe it would be to your advantage to drop her. Stop all contact with her and move on building a life without her.

Consider this a painful lesson and don't make the same mistake by picking the same type of woman to date and have a relationship with. We teach people how to treat us, and it's a lot easier when we do it early in the relationship.

I know you are hurt and I'm sorry. I don't like giving newcomers this type of news, but frankly, I don't see much positive in this situation. You can grieve for it, put it behind you and be happy again. Be careful not to rebound into another relationship. Take your time and focus on how you might need to change some mindsets about the roles each spouse has in a MR.

[Manta]

Thank you Sandi.

I have deactivated my Facebook and WhatsApp today.


I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from everything. I really am struggling with her A and lack of remorse and respect. I'm going to IC and in NC with her since evd of Sept, seeing that yesterday put me back again. Funny thing is she changed her photo again today to something random.
But ill be ok.

I

[NicoleR]

Hi Manta,

I'm sorry to read about your situation. I'm a woman but I can relate to being in your position. It really is exhausting going through this. Nothing seems to take away the pain. For me it'd be like a dream-come-true if I could ever find a guy like you. You really love your wife. After being unloved for so long by my husband, and cheated on, and abandoned I just can't imagine being loved that much. I wish I could find out someday and I hope you do too.