G, I used to crate my dogs, I always referred to the crate as home, anytime I'd say go home my dogs would go into the crate... It was kinda funny when we bought a new house, every time we'd say home to our friends when talking about our new "house", the dogs would happily go into their crate..
At the time, we had Roxy a chihuahua and Tink a mix from the pound, they would whine when seperated.. After BD Roxy died, I suspect it was from heart worms cause my ex didn't take care of them, I only know that she stopped crating Tink cause she didn't have accidents (I trained Tink but refused to train a new dog (Roxy) and of course my ex didn't)... When I got Tink back I mentioned to my mom that I felt guilty whenever I left for work, but in the infinite wisdom of moms, she told me dogs sleep all day when your gone other than the 5 minutes after you leave and the 5 minutes after you get home..
She was right, don't feel guilty, the crate is a safe space for your dog, she will happily spend time in there waiting for you and your daughter to get home.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I'll echo what C'Nut says. "Many" years ago we had a lab mix that was a sweet dog but a bad choice. He felt of his crate as his safe place. Any time he was in trouble he'd head right there. He had his blanket, toys there and would take treats in to there to eat them.
It was the one place where he was more or less safe from the cats
We had to give him up because like C'Nut my ex refused to train him but left him chained up outside through the day and he almost caught the paperboy. The kids were also scared of him as he was quickly bigger than them and quite bouncy.
"Of course" after being promised for weeks that she would re-home him, it was me that ended up having to do the deed.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
JOb- I know I really have to work on healing these scars a little better. And as far as FF goes, he has blocked me from everything since he decided to drunk text me and my friend. I see that stuff on his sisters IG when I run through the stories. I think about not looking at any of the stories, but I don't want that much control over me that I change my life that way. It stings for a minute, not because I want him, but because I guess I feel some shame for it even happening in the first place.
Don- I do recognize it is me. But I do not act on my feelings at all. I pressure him in no way at all. I give him the space. Maybe I agonize a little, but he would never know. And you guys are different, he doesn't feel easily pressured. he isn't love avoidant, he has a very open heart, we were actually talking about it yesterday. It's a reason we are a good fit. I don't have a NEED for good morning and goodnight texts. At all. It is more than that. It is the consistency, and when that drops off, due to my own scars, I get a little anxious. When patterns are changed, it makes me uncomfortable. But I understand patterns do change, and he can't maintain that, and nor should he have to. It's going to take some getting used to. It's not a neediness, it's that consistency, like with you and WG.
My ex, despite his assh@leness, was always very consistent. One day he went from calling me everynight I worked around 10pm and wouldn't let me get off the phone without me saying "I love you" to abruptly never saying "I love you" himself. And he ALWAYS said it. Went from one day not being able to keep his hands off of me, to not wanting sex. And that must have been when he made his decision to leave me for OWW.
The good news? Everything seems to be back to "normal" We were texting for 2 hours last night and we made plans to see eachother tonight for a drink. He told me he couldn't wait to see me. I can't wait to see him either. I am understanding him more, and when he needs his space and it has nothing to do with me.
C-Nut and Andrew- I am trying to make his cage his happy place, but OMG, he hates it. he yelps and yelps, turns over the water bowl, and I feel as if I am torturing him. he is also the dog who cries when you simply leave the room. He is under me and my D's feet 24/7. he's a lovebug. I hope he is getting some sleep during the day and really is only the 5 minutes when I leave and before I get home! else I am going to have to come up with a different solution. Because my heart is breaking and I just want to get out of work, because I can't take it.
Today has been awful so far, I am hoping it could only go up from here. We are still working out the morning routine with this dog. D11 has been on a procrastination kick with pretty much everything. So this morning, she had to take out the dog, shower, and didn't put any of her lunch together. She never charged her school Ipad (big no-no) she had all weekend to make corrections on a test, and didn't do it. She doesn't bring me her math test to sign which would give her an extra 3 points automatically. She's slacking, and I can't keep on her for everything. I am stretched too thin myself. Being the only active parent is draining. I had made a comment about her father taking a role in her school and she says "I never see him". He has no clue. All he ever wants to know is if she has her homework done before he gets her on his one night because he doesn't want to deal. I pretty much cut off all screen time during the week, there will be no more procrastinating and lunches will be packed the night before, and shower will be taken.
I was very late for work, there was lots of traffic and team conference was hostile as usual, and I had it, I got up and stormed out when it was done. My door is shut and I am selectively answering the phone. It really stinks that the woman I worked with said she was going to hire the first person she interviewed and that was me because she knew no one would want to come into this. That hurt. I didn't earn this job. I was just the sucker who didn't know what was going down here. It is a toxic environment with everyone trying to go for a position of power with when the new company takes over. They will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat to make you look good. It is grossly toxic and hostile. I have about 2 people I can trust here. I deperateley want out, I am even going to look outside the system. I am dreading coming to work. I got vocal today and people don't expect that from me, so hopefully they will chill the F out.
I might take a mental health day tomorrow.
Sorry for the complaining. I just feel like everything is an uphill battle all the time and I am carrying a heavy backpack on my own.
I can't wait for my drink with M tonight. Much needed.
I took a mental health day from work yesterday only to come back to work Heck. I need to get out of here desperately. I am at the verge of tears before I come to work because it is so bad. Everyone is miserable and angry and mean.
Anyways, M and I went out on Tuesday night and had a great time. I went back to his house and I fell asleep until 3am by accident and had to leave at that time because of the dog. I hated leaving, but it had to be done. We have another date Saturday night. We were having a conversation about my potty mouth around my daughter and how she never repeats anything I say and we were joking, and I said "don't worry, my censorship is pretty good around other people's kids, if I ever meet your son, I'll keep it clean. It led to him saying he never introduced a woman he dated to his son and he heard about different rules and he asked what my take on it was. I basically told him my D has only met 2 guys and I don't put a hard and fast time frame on it, but it should be when both agree that the relationship is going to be longer term rather than shorter term, and the introduction should be slow and neutral. He agreed with my take and we see eye to eye on that. he told me there were non-parents he dated who mentioned on the first date they want to meet his son! I had something along the lines in the conversation of "I think we have a good thing going so far" and he immediately responded with " I think so too" with a kissy face. So, our pace is good, we are on the same page thus far. I think I need to just chill out. We don't really have conversations about what kind of relationships we are looking for ect., I think it is more action driven and unspoken.
I'm going to go apply for jobs now. Before I lose my mind.
Get those resumes out there! The job sounds very toxic for you.
Sounds like the pace that you and M are on is slow and steady and you both are appreciating each other's company and communicating very well. Ginger, he sounds like a keeper.
Hang in there! I'm praying that you find another job and very soon!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And now it seems that my eyes tear when I read Gingerīs updates...I am a disgrace, donīt know whatīs happening. I donīt tear...even when Darth Vader passed away I didnīt...
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Hahaha! Thanks guys. I really do feel M is a keeper and I do hope things continue to go in a positive direction. I start my per diem job tomorrow and I think I might have been slightly nuts to take a second job. Trying to keep up with everything is hard enough and now my Saturday is gone. It's only 2 a month so I should survive. The light at the end of the tunnel tomorrow is my dinner date with M.
I can do this!!!! I even went back to the gym last night. I had to go to the later class, but I had to take the time for me. D11 stayed home with the dog. I am going tonight, then I will come home and shower and sleep and work tomorrow.
I need one more of me, like in that movie "multiplicity"
Hi peeps. Been busy at the new second job. I began on saturday and LOVED it. such easy side money. I began with the day crew monday and i as paired up with someone I was warned about by the per diem nurse I worked with. Well, she was great, she loved me, told me I am a quick study and told the two bosses. The CM I went with today was equally as awesome as was the social worker. They said at the end of the day " you've only been on our unit for a day, but it feels like forever, you fit in with us so well and have such a great personality and pick up so quick! They are all vying for me to take a full time position if one opens up. I love the job there, it's so much different than mine in a good way, and the people are so wonderful and friendly and work together instead of against each other. I dread going back to my full-time job. I'm probably going to cry next monday.
After work saturday, M and I had a date and we went to this really cool moroccan restaurant I hadn't been to in years and he has never been to. It has seating with a belly dancing show and amazing food where you sit on couches. The belly dancer brought his up and he was a good sport! We came back to my house and he stayed the night. The morning was so nice lazing around in bed. At one point we took the dog in bed (he is like dog whisperer with my insane dog) and I had gotten up and looked over and saw him snuggling in my bed with my dog and it made my heart flutter. I made us breakfast, he fixed D11's door for her, and we went our separate was around 11. He has 3 parenting weekends in a row with his vacation and brother's wedding. It'll be difficult, but we figured our what works for us a little in advance and we will see each other this Thursday and next tuesday. Oh, and he told me he still gets giggly and excited when he sees me. That felt good. I'm falling for him. I am trying to really keep my feelings in check not rush anything, but everything is so great. We will see how these next few weeks go with minimally seeing each other, but I think it will be fine.
D11 keeps asking to meet him. More and more now. I am telling her she has to be patient. She knows i really care for him and of course wants to meet the guy I really care for. I am not going to rush it though. I am hoping if things go in a positive direction, maybe we can ease into introductions in the new year.
Nothing more going on. My dad's birthday is this weekend and they are coming down and we are going to the high end steak house in the area. I have off thursday and friday too. I heavily dread going back to the other job on friday. Something happened last week that I don't think I mentioned here. But it pissed off a doctor I work with a great deal and she stood up for me and went to the medical director about the insanity of the other people there and how people shouldn't have done what they did. Such a hostile environment.
Oh, and my dog is insane. I hope he calms down soon. I am getting him obedience classes. He's a puppy, so I know this is the way it is, but man, it's exhausting!
You learned so much and are doing so well G!!!!!! I mean that in the most positive way. Some people dig in and defend previous decisions while others seem incapable of learning or doing something different. You seem to be doing multiple things different with this guy - including NOT introducing and interjecting D11 into it. By this time with FF she was with him every week if not nearly every day. It's great that you have altered that this time. It all seems to be going really well. I think if things continue to progress that sometime after the holidays would be a good time to slowly interject him or certainly at least introduce him to D11.
You have not yet fallen for him fully it would seem - even you question it. That too is something that is different. While I think it's great and as it should be at this point, I also wonder if that is "something." What I mean by that is while he certainly fits well, etc. it's possible he could be a great guy, fun to spend time with, etc. have all of it there but "something" could still be missing - not for him, BUT FOR YOU! I think only time can tell with that, but you seem to talk differently about him than you have about some of the others. Or perhaps I've just come to know you so well here and the fact that this is not your typical reaction could certainly be huge growth for you - or it could simply be, he's not the "one." I'd most certainly not worry about it now. You'll know in time and that's what this time is all about. But if you find he's not the one and something is missing, that's okay. You can make that decision down the road if that's the right one. Hopefully it will all work out.
Regardless, you seem to be doing so well and have come so far. If only everyone could learn and grow as you have!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Thank you for the compliments, Don. I believe in learning and growing. I absolu tely believe in learning and growing.
What is different this time? A lot of things. The only 2 people I really cared about had complicated circumstances which caused the need for rushing or searching for some sort of security. ExNG lived 2 states away. FF was the age difference and biological clocks.
With M, we are the exact same age, with divorced with one kid, not looking to get remarried, live 15 minutes away from each other and can see each other atlas once a week with our schedules. There is no reason to rush through anything. Life WOULD be easier if he has met D11 because I have her more than he has his S.
However, I don't want to do anything quickly just to make them easier. I want to do them right for us. I DO have strong feelings for him. Long term feelings. But proper relationship long term feelings. I think the difference with the other guys was that while the feelings were strong with them, I knew there was nothing long term.
I am scared. That's not a lie. I am scared because I can see a REAL healthy future. Sometimes, I can;t even believe my own daughter loves me as much as she does, I don't think a guy could possible ever love me enough to have a real healthy future with me. Again, my issues, and something colored by my childhood and my ex husband. But I am working on it!
