Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can

[Kyh]

Hi Marina,

I’m sorry you’re going through this. That is a strange thing for the gal to say about one parent quitting. No matter her intention it seems like she’s stringing it out. Mine a week or two after I expected her decision f on what we’re were initially told but she was very clear she would make her recommendation before school so they weren’t as disrupted. I have to wonder if my kids were coached as d told the gal some lies but s told her it wasn’t true and thankfully they were far fetched. Has the gal spoke with your trios? Hopefully that will help. Keep documenting all of this. Since your counseling court appointed are their records going to be seen by the court? Hang in there and stay positive. Keep being there for your kids you’re doing great!

[marina7]

Kyh,
Yes it is strange that's what my lawyer said.

It's been 8 months since GAL been involved amd nothing.
Gal keeps saying I know you both can do this.

It's weird I don't want to monkey brain but is hard not too
Gal got involved in March and we are still here.

Unfortunately law [censored] here is 50/50 no matter
What unless a parent forfeits its right.

I am just so tired. And exhausted this is
Getting ridiculous. I jusr wish
They can see.

Gal said there's no reason why you and w should be getting
Out the car. I said absolutely your right I don't
It's W , W finds a reason to come to my car
And wanna talk and that talk becomes an argument
Gal was shock. I said if you ask any of the
Trios they will say my mommy does stay in her car.
And when I do get out to hug trio's
I stay right next to car door open to driver side
And usually W gets in between door and be yelling
I told GAL I need drop off now in police station
This is becoming to much.

Where I know s10 is just tired, all he hears W yelling
While am in the phone. W always rushing get off the phone.
Go shower blah blah blah..


My lawyer found it strange but she going to let this
Play out or things will change

[Kyh]

Good morning Marina,

Just a few thoughts after reading this but maybe you should talk to your attorney or the gal about a set amount of minutes or timeframe you get to talk. It would be easy enough to do.

When my ex was in monster mode we met at the library a couple times and it worked well. My ex would try to pick fights too. She’s trying real hard to get you to react badly. I’m sure you wouldn’t but don’t put yourself in any situation with her alone. What you wrote reminded me of a time my ex got me cornered in a nook in the kitchen yelling in my face.

I think it’s a good thing the trios see something is wrong with your w. Kids that don’t recognize irrational behavior from a parent blame themselves. I try to give them some control by letting them pick some things we do, eat, etc. when I can. It was really helpful for them in the period your in.

[marina7]

Kyh,

Thank you yes I will have to.
With W I need everything in record.

I never thought this will end like this

So s10 with me. Been cuddling

I just simply held him
And said s10 am here. It feels I am far
Or you think I forgot about you.
I am fighting so hard for you.

S10 looks up and smiles
I know mommy.

S10 has the most beautiful smie I remember
Going to hospital when he was 4 months and his smile
Melted my heart. Still does.

I can see in those beautiful eyes he just tired.

I just don't get it. How can a GAL
See he in pain. S9 and d10 are such in a better place
Physically and mentally. S10 looks tired so tired.

W just wants control.
First today W went to my house not at drop off
I called ask where you at.
W I am at your house
M ummm why please bring s10 at drop, hung up

W was told not to get near my car at drop off
No reason to get next to me.
While reading my prayer book. W was staring
At me while faking hug with s9 and d10
W then walks to the front and just staring
I must say is true what they say once they see you
Have truly let go is like they realized
Oh crap M is moving on.

Yes emotionally I have. Yes I have let go of W

My friend R has really showed me your not a bad
Person. R infact is like W was nuts. I always knew you
Are truly a package you love your kids your
Very passionate about who you are and what you stand for.

I know W wants to know if R and I are dating
W brought it up at therapy. Which therapist said
Who cares we here to coparent

I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who
Truly broken me to the core.
I trusted W with me with my Trios and W
Did everything I protected my kids from.

I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.

The tears we cry, financially left me with less
Than 500 dollars with 3 kids then.

I remember telling W we didn't have no where to live.
W said not my problem.
I don't have milk
W not my problem
I have no food
W I don't care call your family


Remember the family I have ran from...

It has truly been hard. I ask myself sometimes
How am I doing it.
And the only answer is

God... he is protecting us 4 he is with me
Holding me and leading me.

I am just letting God do his work.
I know God has his plan. I must not question him
Let him lead me.

[DnJ]

Hello marina

I have been reading and my heart goes out to you and your kids. My sitch is different with respect to my kids so I have no first hand experience. I am glad people like kyh and peacetoday, people who have lived through something similar are reaching out.

I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who truly broken me to the core.

I trusted W with me with my Trios and W did everything I protected my kids from.

I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.

You are getting well detached and starting to let go. You are seeking understanding and acceptance of this - very good.

How can W do this? She needs to. We cannot understand the MLCer’s action and behaviour from our viewpoint. Try to see or imagine things from her view, however a caution do not look or venture into the rabbit hole for too long - it is difficult to get free from.

For W, she is tormented by thoughts and demons you do not know about, and she may not even know about. She is plunged into depression, living in darkness and despair, and therefore lashing out at people once so dear to her. Confusion and conflict rein within her brain when she is not busily distracting herself, her past tortures her when she is still and quiet, imagine what she feels laying in bed, still, darkness, alone with her thoughts.

She is driven to do what she has done. She has to do it, she must escape her pain. She causes so much destruction and pain trying to find peace, all of which add to her guilt and suffering. She is so desperate and is taking such desperate measures to “fix” things.

You can understand her pain and actions, you need not condone them, she does not get a free pass.

If you can truely understand someone, her, you completely love them. How can you not? Understanding someone would allow you to understand their justifications for their behaviour. To see the workings of their mind and the suffering they are fleeing.

You do not need to fully understand W. If you can see this idea of understanding, and have a bit of empathy and understanding, then I am sure you can love her. That doesn’t mean being in an R with her, it just means you can care about and love her.

When you love someone, you will forgive them.

Being broken to the core, I do know what you are feeling. It will not prevent forgiveness, just keep working and healing yourself.

The loss of trust, will also not prevent forgiveness. The regaining of trust is another matter entirely.

“I simply can’t. I just don’t know how.”

marina, you can. It is a determined effort and you can do it. The process of focus on and protect you and kids, GAL, detach, let go, accept, forgive, etc... - it really works. You can get there, you will get there.

Forgiveness is really for you. W may not even know that you have forgiven her, and you may not want to inform her. When you find forgiveness you will find peace, contentment, and love in your life - even towards your W.

I do realize this is a bit in to your future, and may sound a little piece in the sky at the moment. Don’t worry and don’t give up. You are doing great and I am impressed on how well you have been handling your situation.

You are a good soul and a strong sprit.

DnJ

[Kyh]

I as a LBS ask myself this how can we ever forgive someone who
Truly broken me to the core.
I trusted W with me with my Trios and W
Did everything I protected my kids from.

I simply can't. I just don't know. How can a MLC do that.
.

This will take some time and you can’t force it, you are still dealing with a lot of anger. I’m still working on this, I’ve forgiven but I have to keep thoughts from coming back and getting energy from time to time.

Have you read any of Anne Lamott’s work? I was going to suggest it to you before as I thought you might like it. One of the things she says about forgiveness is “not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

[marina7]

DnJ,

Thank you...
We are all here we all in this same boat.
My heart goes out to you and your kids.

Forgiveness yes I have I did that around 6 months ago.
Why.. because I felt it I knew for me to heal I needed to
Forgive her and everyone that hurted me. Even my abuser
Who took my childhood away.

So that I have done.
And I can't imagine what W is going through.

But I also went through a MLC crisis around 2014 I honestly don't remember much
It is truly a fog is like when I did wake up from my own coma from my
Grandmal seizure is when I woke up And when I say I woke up I mean it..

I seen the sky clearer, I smelled the air.
I see life different I sometimes feel I need to write a book
Waking Up....

Is something that some people might look at me like am crazy.
But in reality am not. I honestly woke up. I feel I have a calling not
sure yet but there's something God needs me to do.

Thank you again for everyone because I honestly don't know where I
Be at emotionally, is hard every day is hard but I always
tell myself there's someone out there who in worse place so
I take all my little blessings God gives Us 4.

Now interesting thing just happen.

W just called twice, I rejected calls because what's important
to me are sleeping in there beds.

I do hope W finds peace.

[marina7]

Journaling,

We didn't get anywhere again.

I basically did cried.
I ask why is it so hard for me trying to spend more time with s10.

So reason I said that was this week I ask for Trios be together for
Halloween.
W declined at first
But in therapy W said fine.
W you will pick him at 5pm ypu will take him here
You will have him back to me by 7:30 DO you understand yes or no
Therapist looks at me
M yelp I'll pick him at at 5pm I will take them to where you want
And by 7:30pm
Therapist how easy was that to coparent

But in my mind this was all controlled W her way
I simply don't get it how they can't see it or they do and don't say
Anything. All this can be a test.

W also stated next Wednesday s10 will be with my mom
As I have a meeting.
I stated I have first call of refusal.
W stated after 4 hours.


Wow wow wow...
I ask myself over and over why can't I have our s10 for
Those 4 hours so he can be with us.

I feel W does everything to keep us away. Or it feels
That way.

I am digging deep inside God knows am trying
It feels W is Winning this fight.
W makes the calls.
W tells me when and where to go
W refuses any suggestions for W to spend more time
With d10 and s9
And it feels the world is against me.

Since March, GAL been involved
And nothing has been suggested has
GAL says I have faith in both of you to be able to
Work this out.

W also upset about why I ain't moving blah blah...
W teared up fake tears.
W again makes therapist repeat so W can write what
Therapist says.

Yes today I was space out. I am tired..

Therapist said Marina are you with me.
M yelp... I am tired of this as you can see
We are not getting anywhere. Therapist agreed
She believes we will not be able to coparent.

I agreed therapist is right
1+1=2
Not 1+1=1
I give W doesn't
I give W wants trade off.
I give W just find a thousand reasons why she does her way.

So here I am wondering what will our life hold.
S9 cries himself to sleep seeing his s10 bed empty
They ask mommy when will s10 come home it feels
We never going be together.

Today feels hopeless...

[peacetoday]

Marina



hang in there-

Your W seems like a control freak..
this is her way to control you

Try something new-
Maybe loosen up and let go of S10..I know sounds harsh but pray to let go
read about letting go and trusting God and send clear energy to W that you will let go and trust that she will make the e best choices for S10

Just try it for a week- Every time you get disgusted at her for being a control freak-
you give it to God,,,you let it Go..
You trust that she too loves S10
You know God has your back
and picture things one day peaceful
co parenting in your mind
over and over-
reach for the best and highest thoughts around this

I know its hard to believe good when all we see is the opposite-
but see if you feel better
and see if anything changes

All the best,
p

[job]

I am so very sorry that you are having a difficult time and S10 is not there w/you as much as you would like. I agree w/Peacetoday in so many ways.

One of the things that I have noticed is that your w is a controller and wants to dictate everything including the time you spend w/S10. She knows that you want to spend time w/him very much...so, what does she do, she uses him to get back at you, to hurt you. I know that this is going to be extremely difficult for you, but you've got to let go of him for a while. I do think that if you don't show her how much you want him there w/you, she may eventually allow it.

MLCers are like children. Children want what others have and when they get it, they do not want to share and will go to extremes to tease/tempt others and then take away the toy. I think she's using your S10 to attempt to control you into doing what she wants.

For now, you have to have faith, faith in the man upstairs for he is the only one that can get through to her. Have faith that your w will do what is best for your son and that some day soon, he'll be reunited w/you and his brother. Try to focus on you and your S9. Find a way to help him because he is suffering too and needs to know that both of you love him as well as his brother.

Drop the rope a bit, try not to appear to anxious about your S10 around her. When she senses that she's lost that control, she very well may lose interest in sticking it to you.