Andrew! You co-signed a loan for a 20 something year old woman who isn't family? Then her crashing at your house? I would be REALLY careful with this one, as DnJ says. You are taking some serious risks here.
I think you aren't responding to the appropriate women because of fear of rejection, also as DnJ says. The grocery store woman invited to you to a singles dance! Go!. So what if it's kind of far and you can't dance? I bet half of those people can't dance. They just go to meet other singles and have some socialization.
It seems as if your interest lies in the most unattainable women. CL is not attainable right now. A 20- something who just broke up with her boyfriend of the day, is not appropriate. But the ones who are? You need to go for it. Work through the fear!
Andrew, I have to agree w/Ginger and DnJ. You are taking some risks in not only co-signing a loan for a 20 something, but then offering her a place to stay.
What I'm seeing is a man who is nice, but also wants to be the white knight in rescuing people. This can be all fine and good, but I seriously do not think have her stay at your place is a very wise idea. I know you want to help her, but it's time for her to be held accountable and responsible on her own. She will not learn the lessons that have been put before her unless she "fails" and learns from them.
Andrew, please, please think long and hard about having her stay at your place.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bad day today. Usually I can power through but this morning I just gave up and just before my alarm would have gone off I emailed the plant that I would be working from home and went back to sleep for a while.
S24 knocked on my door to check on me before he went to work.
Difficult day yesterday. While I was doing my ironing I literally had to slap my wrist to stop myself from unblocking my ex on social media. I made a nice Sunday supper of roast pork, biscuits, potatoes and veg. I even made small mug cakes for us using the measuring spoons from my raffle prize. S24 was rather snippy and even though he was civil he ended up throwing out much of what he took to eat.
More of the incredibly vivid dreams last night. It's weird how "tactile" they are where I can actually feel her on the other side of the bed. Smell her. Hold her.
I'm a mess. I want the dreams to stop. I want them to go on. I want them to be real.
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I wouldn't worry too much about 20S. For a while the summer before last I think it was, job and I thought that she might have a crush on me especially since she would snapchat me pictures that always seemed to include her cleavage. I think she looks on me as a kindly and somewhat gullible uncle. She is my son's best friend so I can't imagine anything happening and suspect that she would be horrified at the suggestion as would both of my kids.
I'm also not cut out to be anybody's sugar daddy.
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I will probably make an effort to go through the line that that one cashier works at. Find out more about her. I know that she has a S27 living at home.
I think part of what holds me back is a reluctance to "put myself out there" - just like my avoidance of OLD. To go to something like a singles dance means that I am willing to engage with whoever might be there. Just like with OLD implies that I'm open to whoever might be interested. I know that I have agency and can decide on who I might want to spend time with. Fear is still indeed a thing though. Bad as it sounds as well, I am rather picky and also afraid of making a poor choice like I undoubtedly did 30 years ago.
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My good friend at work was organizing a "good bye" lunch for Friday when I move out of that office. Oddly, the people he's invited are the three women I work with who I have been sweet on.
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Well - I need to face more of the day than this post.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
PS - The loan was last year. She's got it almost paid off now.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
A hint for you doodler. It was a woman. You got 50% of the answer right - that's a pass in most educational systems.
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More nightmares last night. I hate how they make me doubt my reality. I made sure to not have any rich foods nor alcohol and it made a bit of a difference. Dinner was comfort food. Creamy tomato soup and grilled cheese. Still had the reconciliation / intimacy dreams. And one where my 2 year-old nephew was lost.
I think I'll just have to wait this out.
blargh
The cats woke me up a bit over an hour early as they do on a far too regular basis. Yelling at them is counter-productive but getting up and giving them a short cuddle and fresh food usually does the trick. Going back to bed checked things at work. Things went splat again so I sent off the appropriate memos, cleared out the mess on the servers and am now making my porridge.
Even though I don't feel like it still, I'm going to head in to the plant. I finally got access to the gate last week so have more flexibility on my schedule. I have almost 2 weeks of vacation that I need to take before the end of the year. I may take a few days in the next while.
No word from 20S - she has lots of options if she does chose to move. I did see a post from D26. She's made it home safely from Vancouver so presumably her passport is working. I may ask her if she knows if she's expecting to be alone for Christmas (husband in the navy) and perhaps she can come home for a few days.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You got 50% of the answer right - that's a pass in most educational systems.
Andrew,
In the U.S., 50% is stone-cold failure. I'm beside myself.
This is beginning to feel like a really weird rendition of Rumpelstiltskin. In 6th grade I had a very minor role in our Rumpelstiltskin play. I was completely enamored by the girl that played the lead role; her name was Gwen. So, Gwen is my next guess. And if Gwen is not the correct name, I have a strategy. I've devised a plan... <evil laughter>
Originally Posted by AndrewP
More nightmares last night. I hate how they make me doubt my reality.
Sorry about the nightmares. I wish I had some words of wisdom or valuable insight, but I don't.
I found that for me when I am having those dreams or bad nights, there is something my subconscious is struggling to figure out. Being patient and going with the flow will eventually sort it out. Your statement - “I think I’ll just have wait this out.”, is correct.
This statement I would like you to consider:
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Fear is still indeed a thing though. Bad as it sounds as well, I am rather picky and also afraid of making a poor choice like I undoubtedly did 30 years ago.
Two things:
First, do you fear she will say “no”? Or do you fear she will say “yes”?
For myself regarding the women I am finding myself drawn to, I fear she would say yes and throw my life into sweet chaos, with me being still married and all.
Second. I doubt that you undoubtedly made a poor choice 30 years ago. It took three decades for this poor decision to show up? Cut yourself some slack, no one can look that far ahead or be held accountable three decades later.
Your choice to say “I do” all those years ago was a good one. Many happy times, and two wonderful children. The unfortunate events were not of your choice, however your current events are.
Your choice to cast doubt on your decision of 30 years ago, will undoubtedly cause doubt with current decisions and choices. In an already doubt filled event of reach out to some else, I doubt you need more doubt - that is doubtlessly counter productive and without doubt more stressful than it needs to be.
Andrew, you are a kind, caring, and thoughtful person (without a doubt). H3ll, you have a good job, and even your own teeth and hair.
You make good choices and decisions.
Quit doubting yourself.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Well, I'm not a guy and I am not interested in meeting one at the present, so my observations probably don't hold much water here.
But, seems like you spend a lot of time thinking about women you may be attracted to or who may be attracted to you, and then you have these entire "relationships" with them where you plot out all the problems and how they will go.
Sounds exhausting. How about living more organically and just working on being a little more spontaneous and see where that takes you?
You are a great guy. At some point you will be in a room with a woman you find attractive, who will share that attraction at a time when you are both ready to act on it and things will happen. I have no doubt.
Hi Andrew. I´m only thinking on 20s underwear drying on the line...I should put some strategically placed spotlights and let the gossip break free on the wind...
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
