Unfortunately in about 99% of cases the judge rubber stamps the recommendations in the report. WW coached the kids what to say for the report and it goes with what the kids have said in her favour. The kids even told me that WW had told them what to say.
WW is also frightening the kids saying she won't allow them a passport else I would take them away and never bring them back, told them not to tell me she's opening a bank account for them else I would take all their money, telling them how much she's spent on legal fees, telling them she's going to buy them a big new house etc. At public change-overs (which are specified in the current court agreement and my idea) she says to them that they don't have to go to me and that she won't allow me to "force them" to go with me and asks the kids if she should call the police. She is extremely smart and extremely manipulative.
At a changeover (which has to be in a public place) she put the kids in thin summer clothes on a freezing winter night and told them I was forcing them to walk home with me in the cold. If I allow her to take them to my house then she kicks off causing trouble in private. It's relentless and it's harming the kids. There's nothing I can do except not go down to her level. I don't react. I stay cool but what she's doing is working on one of the kids who is turning into a nervous wreck and WW is even blaming that on me. However, the kid is only a nervous wreck when with WW, not at all when with me.
I've been a SAHD for about 10 years, the main carer for them, still in the family home where they've lived all their lives, just around the corner from their school. The only way WW could win is to try to turn the kids against me and try to get me into trouble and that's what she's been trying to do. She tried to get me into trouble with the police but fortunately I had text message evidence from her showing what she claimed wasn't true. She's put those claims back into her latest court statement despite the judge saying they shouldn't be. But what ultimately matters is the report the judge acts upon and that is what I'm going to contest. The odds are massively against me and it will cost a fortune but the kids are better living with me and I'm putting them first.
(((David))) Your WW sounds like a NIGHTMARE. What is wrong with some people? All I can say is just to keep documenting everything and recording the names of any witnesses to this ridiculous behaviour. One thing is for sure, she is definitely helping you with detachment. Hard to have any good feelings for someone who is playing with your kids' emotions like this. So unfortunate...
Do you have a calendar journal marking all interactions with W/kids/changeovers? If you are expecting trouble, have you tried just calling the police proactively to explain the situation? R2C always recommends the book Divorce Poison for people with adverse divorces with kids. You probably should get it and read it a few times over. I think guys like R2C and Zuess had some adverse divorces, you should go read their sitches.
Lastly, I have read, watched, and heard plenty of people who had to spend fortunes to just get to spend 50% of their time with their children. Not one of them said it wasn't worth it. Its only money and you can't take it when you go, and when your kids are older someday they will realize what you were willing to do for them. Keep it up.
Last edited by Twofeet; 01/09/1906:33 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
I think I've mentioned this before, but there are a lot for forums online for dads in the UK going through divorce. You might be able to get more relevant advice as to how our system works and also speak to other dads going through the same thing. Our system here in the UK, I am led to believe by friends who have divorced, tends to favor the mother in determining the custody arrangements so there would be a lot of men going through similar difficult custody battles.
I have to admit I do not understand your W. I understand (to a degree) a WS/WAS who abandons both their partner and their children (part of the escape responsibility fantasy) and I understand a WS/WAS who abandons their partner but, once they've left, suddenly fear losing their children and double down on being a good parent, but I do not get someone who very obvs. has no interest in being a parent (a real parent would want to minimize the impact on their kids) but fights dirty (incl. using the children) to keep them. How can she be so petty that she would fight for something she does not want just so that you can't have them.
However, her motivations don't matter. In the end, the only thing that matters is how you deal with it. And it sounds like you are dealing with it in as dignified way as you can given the circumstances. Keep strong. Don't stoop to her level and FFS start keeping a journal of dates and times and things that were said. Also, I agree with Twofeet, I would fight to my last penny if someone tried to keep me away from my kids. Houses, cars etc are just things.
I would urge you to do a quick google search on UK divorce resources for fathers. Our system is not the same as the US.
Kids are back with me. W sent me a message in advance telling me to look pleased to see the kids - as if I wouldn't be. What do I make of that - W telling me to look pleased to see my kids after she had kept them so breaking a court order?
Upon arrival she said in front of the kids that she would be collecting them a couple of days early (doing so would break the court order). Saying these things in front of the kids puts pressure on them to go with what she says.
Had a great time out with the kids today. I got the phone for them to call their mum but they don't want to speak to her.
I think your WW has some serious personality issues and I agree with what everyone here as advised. Keep really meticulous records of the things she says and does. So sorry you and your kids have to endure this brutal behaviour. (((HUGS)))
Yes, it seems that WW does have some very, very serious issues that had been well hidden but she's blaming me rather than take responsibility for her own actions and lies. It seems WAW, WW, MLC and personality issues all in one. W presents herself as being a lovely, kind person and I think she worries about her personal image so much that she won't be honest about the bad things that she's done.
I've been keeping records but the person who wrote the report for the court never gave me a chance to present them.
WW has been continuing to break the court order. She claims the kids don't want to see me.
However, I then saw them and one was desperate to come home with me, the other looked sad and under a lot of pressure from WW not to go with me. WW let only one come home with me. Court date in a few days and I'm expecting W to claim eldest doesn't want to see me so both should live with her.
The manipulation by W is incredible and it's relentless. I so hope the court can see through what she's doing else she's going to win and not acknowledge her terrible behaviour, in fact it will reward her terrible behaviour and justify it to herself.
W claimed the kids didn't want to see me and the court were not able to hear evidence. W only offered me the kids for 1 night every 2 weeks, and an evening meal once a week. The judge said pointless making even that enforceable as she'd break the agreement anyway. So now I have that for the next 4 months until evidence can be heard.
I am so sorry this is happening David. I can't believe the UK allows for this and blantantly allows for child alienation.
You need to do your research and fight like heck. This isn't a cheeseless tunnel. You will never regret putting all the effort out in the world for your kids.
