So while I was doing last night, supper, dishes, etc. I considered my feelings for the W. What if she gets to the point where she reconsiders and wants back in. Yet at that point I feel that no, I made changes, made me better and you weren't willing to entertain the idea much less give me the chance. Tell her I'm done.
Is this good? Is this detaching the right way? Because it feels a little more dead inside. I do want a MR 2.0 with her... I think... am I in a phase or missing something?
Yeah she is still in my head and heart. Now I am wondering why. Is this seeking the familiar or is it deeper than that?
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Dog pile the dog on Tuesday. Got a med to calm him a bit. Not enough. I don't care what she says. A full blood chow isn't a service dog. Protect/guard is hardwired into them.
Not what I expected to have to do with my life. Take care of my younger sister. Arrrgh. Mom... you were right. I want nothing to do with her, lone sibling... don't care.
W knows how I feel about my sister. She doesn't like my attitude. HOWEVER she doesn't like my sister either. Heck, W has sisters she doesn't like or get along with.
W isn't working this weekend. Doesn't change what I am planning or having to do.
Youngest grandkid turned 4 months today. new pictures from D. Big time happy with that and having made the trip.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Those feelings are part of the process T. My IC says that being able to express what you are feeling comes after you have internally processed them. So it seems you are getting into Turbine 2.0 whether you find MR 2.0 or not. Amoafwl. Her loss.
Stay strong T
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Maybe... but to be perfectly honest I don't like my sister and haven't for a very long time. Even allowing for the grief you get from and give your sibling(s). I can go a long time without missing her.
Apparently W is working today or tonight or something... She wants to proceed with the D. Fine. I would rather we try to fix it but we aren't there yet. However that requires getting the house ready, cleaned, repairs done or we accept getting a lower price. Things that require communication and joint effort. There is way too much stuff for me to sort through that isn't mine and I don't want to stir up anything by "messing with her stuff". Its petty and really gains me nothing long or short term.
Do I have some issues with what my Mom setup for after their deaths? Yeah it seems that way. Part of it is the lawyer. Really didn't seem to be working for me. Should have fired them long before I did. On the other hand, my maternal uncle took his business elsewhere now. Lawyers... grrrr...
When W left I had to move my car. I waited until she said please. Petty? or wanting some civility and respect? I want to encourage the later two between us. Maybe it will lead to a positive. She had a warning light on the dash board too. I helped her. Check a fluid level. However she questioned whether I had tightened the cover down enough. Trust... sad it isn't there for something that little. Lots of work to do if there is ever to be a MR 2.0
When she pulled off the driveway she did toss a wave at me. (yes all five fingers were used) Probably nothing more than an autopilot response. I had agreed with her about why the D is happening. Validation? IDK.
All a hot mess.
Amoafwl .... ???
Never mind...
Last edited by Turbine; 10/13/1802:21 PM. Reason: extra thought added
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Feeling a lot in common with a song by Patsy Cline and a H.G. Wells novel.
I'm so lonely and the invisible man.
W was gone all day Saturday and got back around 10:00PM Sunday. No explanation... nothing. Didn't ask either. When she left she said something about an appointment at 9 on Saturday AM. I know she saw a friend for lunch because she posted pictures of my W and herself. W looks great, but I can see signs of age. I should notice because I am her H. Although I am getting to the point where kicking her out sounds pretty good and tell her to plan on her maiden name again. Why should she keep her married name?
Unless this is some sort of sick test...
Talked to my SiL after church. I was showing her newest pictures of the baby. Very vague answers to her questions. Such as what wrong with her (W) etc... Apparently they used to talk much more than now. Beats me. Her family seems to not be as upset with me as she is. Youngest SiL being the exception.
Saturday game session with friends was okay. Not feeling that right now either. Should be part of GAL but not seems life should involve W. I hope this is just a bottom on this roller coaster.
So... is she (W) still too much in my head?
Oh yeah. Thoughts on the phone coaching. Any idea if there has been an instance of both parties involved in a D actually being on this site at the same time? Idle curiosity...
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
In regards to both parties being here....I doubt it. The ones here are thinking straight, the ones that made us come here think there is nothing wrong with them and don't need guidance.
and yes W is still too much in your head.
My WW too left Sat AM and did not come back until Sun PM...obviously with OM in my case though. [censored] but I can't dwell on it...it will kill me if I do. I stay busy, make sure S is happy and cared for and work on my life, not what our life will be when she comes home....F that!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Today is definitely a low day on the roller coaster. Don't want to go home. Don't want a lot of things right now.
Tomorrows big activity.... dog pile my sister's dog. Full blood Chow, about 85 lbs,so he can get his shots. Muzzled and drugged. Last time it took 4 adults to hold him still enough for the shots and blood draw. Yipee kai yea (insert Bruce Willis quote). So yeah... not thrilled about that either.
Could I use some good news or a positive right now. Yes. Will I get it? God only knows. I hope so.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Positive... got a phone call from long time friend. He expects to be in the area in December. There was a discussion about fish tacos. His son, who is his reason to visit, flat out won't do it. So we are making plans to meet up, have a good time and eat some fish tacos.
Still have to dog pile today... grrrr
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
