I think you would be better off focusing on the issues in co-parenting rather than the demise of the relationship. Therapists' notes can be entered into evidence and courts generally don't care why relationships broke down. If you focus on the actual problems she is causing on a day-to-day basis in co-parenting, I think your concerns will appear more kid-focused and not make the therapist think this is just about you not being able to get over the loss of the relationship with her. I think you get to the same place, but this approach prevents them from questioning your motives.
How W was amazing and we loved her, How W bake because she loved to bake I loved to cook I hate shopping W shop for us I managed our bill and finances W always help me.
How I in 2014 had an emotional affair and didn't realize an affair is an affair I now take accountability for my actions 2015, I realized life is precious after almost Losing my life. I literally had a spiritual awakening.
How W started pushing us away, Once W beautiful light hazel eyes Went dark, W was not herself W started being less home, forgetting about us. Our kids started annoying W, W became frustrated But I still held us. With always making sure W smiled. Those smile W would come and go.
I held us together and reminded W how we loved her. Until 2017 W bd ILYBNILWY, I lost myself, I need to Find myself, I lost myself being a mom,wife. But we Can still be best friend.
I won't lie many memories came up. W was once an Amazing Women I would not lie about that. She could take me out my shell W was more social W always been outgoing. And kept me on my toe.
I made sure therapist knew the old W and the now W But interesting Therapist said something that I paused.
Therapist, Is funny how our exes could Rewrite history and we can also tell who telling the truth. M. I wipe tears and it hurts. Therapist yes you and kids are going to hurt for a While but remember there is nothing you could Have done or kids, this would have happened with You or without you. Keep being there for your kids and Being there lighthouse. M I cried yes is hard but I am doing it with many groups and Church and divorce group and my online support. Therapist. Trust me it will get better. And your W loves You in her own way I know.
So the therapist didn't give me info about W but listen To me and my goal for the Trios. Therapist is so proud Of where I been and the help I gotten us.
Remember W went last week I went this week and next week We go together. As I stated before court. Is about the trio's being Together and staying together and hoping we can put this pass us.
Therapist ask was I dating or someone in my life. Hmmmm that's where I was shock. She then proceeded to say W brought it up. I said well if I am W needs to focus on kids not me. Therapist yes W stated she wants me to be marry and happy. And therapist found it Strange why W said that to her. Now I get the question.
Well I made my point across I just want trio's together and focus on Them three.
Well yesterday W wanted to talk, I ask is about kids W no I replied there is nothing for us to talk about then. W wow like that. I just got in car and drove off with our kids.
I need to realize W always temperature checking, and I usually fall For it. I am done. Like I said I will forever love W. We had something amazing But I must focus on me and my kids as I always have.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
You have handled yourself exceptionally, you should be proud. You are walking a good path in the midst of a horrible storm. Keep standing tall, leading the way, and being a beacon for your kids.
W’s logic in regard to S10 and the two other kids is staggering. She seems determined, for some unknown reason, to separate them. I mean really they play in seperate rooms - crazy!
I do understand your fear or anxiety when she is in monster mode. It is so very hard to understand and not feel responsible. Remember she is projecting her feelings on to you, do not internalize her blaming you. Just turn around anything she is saying, exchange you for I in her tirade and you will get an idea of what is really going on. She cannot accept any blame she must project it, she just can’t be wrong. It is really quite sad.
Your questioning of karma towards yourself and your past is very normal. I am sure you are getting lots of it is not your fault advice - I’ll try not to pile on more (but it is not your fault ). To me it looks like you are working towards something very healing and healthy - forgiving yourself. (((marina7))) That is a great journey, with a great destination.
Your BD was pretty similar to mine. And yes, most people just can’t believe something like that can happen. I think your therapist does understand and believes, that is very good.
You asked for advice from anyone having been through this.
marina you are doing great. My advice, which you have already been following:
Stay consistent, be honest, walk the higher path, treat her with compassion, work on understanding, find forgiveness.
The stepping stones along the way - detachment, letting go, etc... you know and are finding.
You really are doing great. Keep protecting kids and yourself. Keep moving forward.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
W texting and wanting to talk. But as I stated W has a pride W will never say sorry or I did wrong
W for 10yrs always needed to be right even When she was wrong.
W text earlier this week "we did something right" I replied yes we did no regrets the trio's are amazing W yes they are
D10 is sick W wanted to bring home remedy MIL Makes for d10. I said let the antibiotics kick in first
But this is where I am confused W went to doctor office yelling and hysterical Wanting kids records and wanting to know how many Times kids been there. Nurses where shock her behavior
I was more shock because that day I took d10 And was in touch with W since 7am keeping W updated. And time I was taking d10 W showed up around noon the nurse told me. I wonder if W confused the time or simply Lost. Is like W forgets everything I tell her.
Is scary like dementia W forgets what she says. I am glad I keep everything in text. I remind her to Look at her text. Is like W doesn't recall anything.
Is scary to see someone you love losing her mind.
I feel like I am treating her like a child I feel bad Because this is not me. And is not W she was once A smart and strong woman. I cry as I write this. Because I have lost my wife. She is gone is just a shell A person who is struggling with life. I feel so bad. I couldn't
Imagine being in W shoes. It must be scary. I also don't blame her it's scary seeing this person.
I know I took my vows on 2008 that I would Love W through sickness and health I wish W would get a MRI or something
We have been going to family doctor for 10yrs Doctor and nurse said is scary to see W behavior While I cried because I do hurt. Doctor patted My back and said mom your doing good.
These kids need you more than ever. W needs to find her way back but sometimes they Can't. Sometimes is to late our brain is the strongest Muscle but when that muscle breaks that muscle can't be Fix.
Doctor was talking about W brain. Today I went to library and got books About brain how our brain works. Will Have lots of reading this weekend And also fun Trios and I doing a small hike Tomorrow and carving pumpkins.
Super excited. Is getting cold over here so we Will be staying warm.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
You sound better. Must have got some much needed rest.
You are correct about the MLCers memory - it is like swiss cheese, so many holes. It is a good thing to use a written form of communication to have a chance at jogging her memory back. She may get angry because she doesn’t remember and is hidding it, or she does realize how forgetful she has become.
It is very sad to see the forgetful shell of the person you once knew.
It was nice what the doctor told you and very true - Mom you’re doing good.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Well pick up went ok, as I stated we don't know which W I am getting
W went from texting to nothing It's raining and cold over here d10 running fever and stuff So d10 rolled down window
W what ya can't come out M as you know d10 is sick and s9 is also getting sick please feel free to come close and say hi to them W said something under her breath but quickly said hi. S10 jumps in front of car hey mommy gave me the biggest hug and smile. W hey ain't you going say I love you and bye S10 yeah mom bye W how about I love you S10 yeah mom W don't you start, how come I have to force ya to say love you W kept ranting M quiet looking forward and ready to drive off D10 ok mom is cold bye WE LOVE YOU W SLAM door M I drove off
I just drove off like nothing happened just singing and holding s10 hand he squeezed it I love back in rearview mirror I said love you Trios
Trio's We love you so much to the moon and back, Screaming we love Mommy... we finally 4 together
I smiled but wanted to cry as only the weekend For now.
Hiking was postponed s9 woke up with fever. We still pumpkin carving
Then decorating, a little for Halloween. Not much Something for the Trios and deciding costumes
Last year was hard as it was so fresh from bd Is better than last year looking forward And praying we all be together soon trios and I
Well family therapist called, Monday W and I
This is going be interesting, just listen to what Therapist says. Which I know W will also go off Like she did in mediation. As I am focus in Keeping trio's together and keep being there for them.
Have a great weekend my friends
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
). To me it looks like you are working towards something very healing and healthy - forgiving yourself. (((marina7))) That is a great journey, with a great destination.