Flower girl still gets my vote! She may be young, but nothing says you have to get married to her next week. She may help you see things from a different perspective and you may do the same for her. I think CL is just not in a good place for you, though I agree with all before me who said that you should continue to be there for her. You can never have too many friends when going through all the mess.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Blargh! Another nightmare last night - but this one wasn't so bad.
My phone rang IRL about 10:30 - wrong number although I heard a vaguely familiar woman's voice saying "hello" over and over. I dreamt that my phone rang again some time after that and it was my ex. Friendly, bubbly, slightly drunk and just being chatty. I was confused and got her off the phone.
Because I dream so realistically, I checked the phone this morning and there was only one call.
I had sent CL a "hope your week is going well" message this morning and got a couple of paragraphs of reply. It's not going well at all. She is very down on herself and things are not working out for her at all. I told her that if she needed me to just let me know. I was very tempted to dig through the closet to see if I can find my old Helmet of Mambrino, mount up and ride to the rescue. I didn't. I did send her a picture of some nice flowers suggesting that since I can't send her real flowers (officially don't know her address) that those I hoped would help.
There's a discussion on DnJ's thread about how we have all been helped and buoyed up by people around us. I "hope" that CL is getting that support. She does have a good number of friends IRL plus a supportive family but as we all know, when things hit the fan supportive people are hard to find. I think that much of her support structure revolves around her church where her STBX was previously quite active. For work, she mostly works from home so there's little interaction she gets there. I hope she got the message from me that she's not alone and that people care about her.
In my ideal world, I'd stop by her house and rub her feet and hand her drinks and listen to her vent. I think we all agree that would probably be regarded as being intrusive. I do find her address on a public web site though .....
It's 4 weeks to the party I was hoping to go with her to. I'm not going to mention anything about it until I see if her situation stabilizes.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
In my ideal world, I'd stop by her house and rub her feet and hand her drinks and listen to her vent. I think we all agree that would probably be regarded as being intrusive. I do find her address on a public web site though .....
AndrewP,
You could show up at her doorstep with a bottle of wine and some baby oil. But, if she invites you inside, don't ask her about beaver pelts, that could get weird.
Not much of an update - just a couple of things to put out there.
It turns out that SIL1 has been in correspondence with my ex in recent times about misc non relationship stuff. All "customer service polite" but I cautioned her to "not poke the bear" but she can't resist testing to see if the lines of communication are open. She, and a few other people around me suggest that my ex is likely to circle around. I think I'm hardened enough to deal with that appropriately. I believe that my ex has moved on from Norfolk to other adventures. I am glad that she spent time with her daughter and son-in-law.
My own theory - which are often proven wrong - is that she is with her brother and her SIL in their trailer heading to Florida. Not my monkeys. Or she could have bought a trailer with the money she got from me and OM could be using his truck to pull it down there.
It may be highly inappropriate but it does seem to me that many women go through a cycle where when they are trying to land a man they pay a lot of attention to their appearance and weight. As of last report, my ex has recently put on a significant amount of weight and is still living in her flat above the liquor store. My own theory is that she and OM are on the "outs" yet again. But again - not my problem.
S24 surprised me tonight by making a fuss about the fact that I was cleaning the kitchen / doing all the dishes. He does make much of the mess but it's me that likes having a clean counter.
I heard from CL last night. She sounded better but I am sure still has a long way to go. It's so hard to judge from the tiny amount of words she sends me.
Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend. The duck is thawing as is the sausage meat for stuffing (a traditional P family addition). "Twenty something" is expected to stop by and start storing some of her furniture here. It will be nice to see her. I'm planning on making a covered apple pie.
I have so very much to be grateful for. As a Muslim friend of mine is regularly saying - God has been very kind to me and mine - and that is even with me being rather Agnostic.
Work has been "complex" and while I am somewhat confident in my job security I'm not counting on it. The future is partially opaque. I see Joy and even perhaps Love in it. As my Muslim friend will say - in Sha Allah. The future is not in my own hands but is in the hands of Destiny. It is up to me to navigate that path.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I read back to this time last year which I do from time to time. My heavens - the changes.
Busy weekend thus far. One of my cats is curled around the tea-pot which she loves because it's warm and I'm taking a slow start to the day.
I'll be doing Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. My duck is thawed and sitting in the fridge. I'll be making the apple pie this afternoon but the rest tomorrow. S24 and I consulted on the menu and it will be roast duck with sausage stuffing, mashed potatoes, mashed turnip and butternut squash. He said that he'll make a loaf of fresh bread and I agreed to attempt my first ever gravy. And of course the apple pie for desert if we have room.
Much more ambitious than last year when I just roasted a ham (one of the reasons I read back).
No word on S24 spending any part of Thanksgiving with his mother. From my reading back he didn't last year either. I'm not even sure where she is as I had heard that she was taking 2 weeks of vacation which would presumably still have a week to go. She may possibly be in Florida with her brother (my current theory) or off with OM somewhere but in a trailer. She has been very private on social media since the day she walked out the door of what used to be our home.
I got much of the monthly full cleaning of the house done yesterday. There's still a bunch to do - "a man's work is never done " If my ex does drive by the house she may be a bit surprised. A small willow tree that she planted has been removed. It was very messy and half-dead so after talking to S24 I took it out last week. I also pruned the apple tree at the front of the house down to about 1/2 it's prior size. The brush is piled up in my utility trailer and is intended to stay there until spring. In the winter the wee birds spend time in there and it's fun to watch them from the kitchen window. My ex used to find a lot of joy in that as do I.
I also picked up some tall grasses and cat-tails and decorated up the side porch with them like I've done for the last couple of years since I've been in sole charge. I'm very proud of how I've taken care of my home.
When picking up my roses the lady at the flower shop nagged at me that I should try something different so being in a whimsical mood I indulged her and got some particoloured roses which look nice. One thing that perturbs me though was her comment that "they're still masculine". I have no problem with there being feminine touches around my house even if they are ones that I've done myself. I would rather of course have an actual female person do them, but that's not where my life is right now.
I did have a bit of a laugh because when I was picking up some beer at a local brewery I was chatting to the pleasant young lady who was working there. In the course of conversation my being divorced with an adult son at home came up. She's 26 and had recently moved home with her parents herself. She is looking for someone and joked that she wanted to meet a guy with a house. She then back-pedaled quickly and told me that she wasn't "coming on" to me She also emphasized that she wasn't interested in S24 because he lives "at home" as well
I never sent anything to CL yesterday and am not planning on doing it this weekend. We'll see how that works out. I've not heard from her either. Perhaps she's not even noticed. It's looking pretty unlikely that she'll be my date for my nephew's stag and doe in a few weeks. If she wants to see me, she knows where I am and to be honest I've gotten tired of being the initiator with little reward for it.
Days like today can be tough. I do feel lonely. I miss being part of a couple and family especially during what are family holidays. I know that I could probably change that relatively easily. I'm a successful professional with all his own teeth and a house. There are a number of single women in the area, some of whom I've talked about here who would probably be happy to share my home and associated comforts. But I don't want just anyone and don't want to be taken advantage of. What LouR wrote recently about the type of women that are attracted to her H was revealing but is somewhat unsurprising.
Well - this isn't getting the dusting done. I think I'll have a nice bubble bath soak in my "masculine" way and then get to that. If the weather cooperates I may also clean out the flower beds and get them ready for winter.
Wish me luck with the gravy - I'm sure I'll update here on that.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Tough start to the day today. Despite the cat purring on my desk and my son snoring in his room, I feel alone and the house feels empty.
If right at this moment my ex knocked on my door, I'd probably open it. A truly bad idea I know but it is what it is. And she's not going to anyway and I'm not reaching out to her either. I made a point quite a while ago to ensure that her contact information is tough to get to as well which I still regard as wise.
It also turns out that my track record for being wrong continues. In the afternoon yesterday while working on my pie S24 heads out the door saying that he'll be back soon. Out of curiosity I look out the front window after he leaves and his mother's car drives off. He doesn't come home until well after midnight. I presume he was off to a family Thanksgiving feast of some sort. I had expected her to still be off on her vacationish adventures. I believe that her coming was a surprise to S24 as well as he was rather unshaven when he left.
I think that in part the unexpected appearance of my ex is what has caused my current mood. That and the silence and absence of CL perhaps. I've considered reaching out to her but I don't really have anything to say and the brief responses I generally get are unsatisfying. She is very talkative in person but she doesn't call. I also expect her to be busy with family stuff this weekend.
Despite how nice my pie smelled, I had no appetite last night and little this morning. I'd skipped lunch so forced myself to eat at around 8:00. I did have a productive day. The monthly full house cleaning was completed, my ironing done, pie made. "20 something" stopped by in the evening to give me a big hug and chat and that was nice. She had called to see if S24 was around.
This morning though I had to drag myself out of bed and while making breakfast just felt like smashing something - which I didn't do. I did make myself a healthy breakfast - eggs florentine, sausage, potatos and tea. For the week I'm down about 5 lbs but I had been up a bit of what was very likely just water weight. I certainly can afford to lose the weight and am still 50 lbs heavier than when I got married even though most people don't believe it.
This will pass. I know it will. It's just part of the crap that is the continuing legacy of infidelity, lies, cruelty and divorce.
The duck is about 5 lbs so it should take a bit under 2 hours to roast so I don't need to put it in the oven until mid-afternoon. I may go for a walk.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Oh - and forgot to mention that shortly after he left with his mother, just like all other times, S24 went through my current SnapChat story. I expect that she isn't very detached even after all this time and perhaps is making sure that I stay right where she left me.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Duck is in the oven, butternut squash and turnip are cubed, S24 has started a loaf of bread in his bread machine, cold beer in my hand.
The weather is schizophrenic. Bright sunshine followed by downpours. I did get about 1/2 hour of walking in without getting very wet.
Time to watch some youtube videos on how to make gravy - how did bachelors ever manage before that?
Life IS good. I know this.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
" If my ex does drive by the house she may be a bit surprised. A small willow tree that she planted has been removed. It was very messy and half-dead so after talking to S24 I took it out last week. I also pruned the apple tree at the front of the house down to about 1/2 it's prior size. The brush is piled up in my utility trailer and is intended to stay there until spring. In the winter the wee birds spend time in there and it's fun to watch them from the kitchen window. My ex used to find a lot of joy in that as do I.