My W messaged me this morning saying she wanted a D.
"I hope you are ok. I was thinking and talking to my parents a lot and decided that I want a divorce. I read a few things about it and I want to try and do it through xxx law as it is a lot quicker. This should be in your interest as well so you don't need to pay a lot of money to me."
I havent replied as its just arrived.....
How should i respond
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
I dont have any advice for you Manta, all i can say is stay strong. No matter what you do, take care of yourself and keep bettering yourself for YOU. Its tough getting bombs dropped on you from your spouse, everyone here knows the feeling. We're all in this together. My W didnt even have the guts to tell me she wanted/filed for a D, i had to find out from an oitside source.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I took Steves advice and said that i wouldn't help with the divorce as i didn't want it etc.
Heard nothing back since.
I feel i deserves better than a whatsapp message on a sunday morning asking for D.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Hopefully your message to her wasn't in a bad tone. It should've been like - I am not for the divorce, but I won't stand in your way if that is what you would like to pursue.
Listen, I am sure that this D message kicked you off your feet and punched you in the gut. I am not minimizing that, but I want to respond to what you said.
You said - I 'deserve' better..... You don't 'deserve' $hit. The quicker you figure that out and move forward with your life, the better it will be. You're not entitled to anything. What did you want? A red carpet invite to a D? Her sending you a box of chocolates with a card saying 'let's get D'?
It's going to $uck either way and the method of delivery doesn't matter. So, get up on your feet and start taking ownership and accountability over your problems and figuring out how you can engage in personal growth and development.
All of this, BD, cheating, betrayal, lies, manipulation, D - all of it $ucks. But what are you going to do now? We are going to knocked off our feet and hit our nose to the ground - you're not entitled to a soft blow. Life just doesn't work like that unfortunately. What is your game plan now that your face is planted on the ground? You want to stay there and wallow or do you want to get up and improve your odds against the next punch that might be coming by learning how to duck and block? The best part about this is that you get to choose. Choose YOU!
Thanks Maika. You're correct and i know thats whst i have to do. I spoke with my solictor today, as its important that i protect myself now. I'm not letting her get her way and i lie down. Time to get my balls back.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Yes Maika is correct. My response suggestion is exactly what Maika said "I am against it, I think the MR can be saved, but I can't stop you from D."
Also, talk to a L. All WWs want the road paved smooth for them on their way to D. You talking to and even hiring a L might be what it takes to wake her out of her "this is going to be a piece of cake" fog. My W was looking at doing a quickie internet D. From everything I read that wasn't possible with kids but she had convinced her self, and was floating the "I don't want any of your money" thing to get me to agree. But she also has a bit of Nice Girl Syndrome, so when I told her "No you are entitlted to half of everything, including the house" suddenly she was seeing that it wasn't going to be a snap your finger and its over and no one gets hurt situation.
So keep it real. Make her do all the work. Do nothing to try and stop it, but you don't have to help it either.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That's what i said Steve. More or less what you mentioned a few weeks back. Today she changed her FB profile pic after months of us. Shes checked out and has no interest in R. All she wants is a quick and easy D in her own country. However I'm not playing ball anymore. Its tough love time.
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
That's what i said Steve. More or less what you mentioned a few weeks back. Today she changed her FB profile pic after months of us. Shes checked out and has no interest in R. All she wants is a quick and easy D in her own country. However I'm not playing ball anymore. Its tough love time.
Just make sure tough love doesn't mean pressure and pursuit. If you pressure her or pursue her it will push her faster and further away.
Time. Space. Make her do the work. She how resolved she is regarding this course of action.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That's what i said Steve. More or less what you mentioned a few weeks back. Today she changed her FB profile pic after months of us. Shes checked out and has no interest in R. All she wants is a quick and easy D in her own country. However I'm not playing ball anymore. Its tough love time.
Get off social media. Shut down your account. Quit looking and hers and her friends. It will only bring pain and prevent you from moving forward and healing.
BTW, they all do this, so don't worry about it.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
