thanks ovrr. just trying to be the best dad and best toenail at a fool would leave.
just a quickie, after IC is done with D14, she usually calls us,me and WW and let us know about D14’s progress, my quickie is, am trying to go dark, NC with WW, should i still be showing up to D14’s sessions? Last one, I was all dressed nicely, looked confident, and appeared happy, which i really was. As i’ve mentioned on my previous posts, WW looks tired and beaten, which D14 also noticed. Reason am asking is, I don’t want WW to think that am overly prepared or just pretending to be happy during D14’s IC sessions. I always try to look decent/nice every time I go meet D14’s teachers or her friends parents. Should I tone it down or should I just leave D14 and pick her up when she gets done so WW won’t see me?
Another quickie, should I be saying something during those meet ups with D14’s IC or should I just be silent? When I say something, It’s all about D14 and nothing else and nothing negative about either one of us. Just don’t like telling stories of what me and D14 are doing with our lives, that WW doesn’t know anything about. I think I know the answers to my q’s, just need somebody’s feedback. Gracias!
A week ago, WW mentioned to D14 that she has found her own place. D14 figured it out right away that she just spends the nights with POS, because she still comes home early mornings to get ready for work, and another thing, WW never asked D14 if she wants to see her “place”. She texts me the same thing, and this is where I said something wrong, she took both keys for a vehicle we both have our names on, and i asked for the spare key. I know i should’ve just let that go, but i slid down. also, i asked for her to not take the dogs’ ashes with her in her new home, as our home is his permanent home. too shallow on my part, and i realized that after i sent a text message.
i promised my self, from this day onward, i would reply to her messages, save it my phones’ notepad and save it instead of sending it. vindictiveness still gets the best of me, and i should learn to control it. validate, validate, validate. reply only when necessary.
As what AS said, no need to reply, dont add fuel to the fire, validate!
update... D14 hasn’t heard anything from WW about bringing her to school and having dinner with her tomorrow, Friday, as advised by IC. should i contact WW and ask her? D14’s IC has also advised me to stay away from their equation. I strongly agree with her, but at the same time D14 appears to be more frustrated with WW than anxious.
update... Finally made an appointment with L. not til the 9th of next month. whoah! seems like they’re all tied up. i’ve been reading a lot about how my state is a community property. what i own WW owns half and what I owe WW owes it too. if i was an a-hole, i would go out today and purchase a bike. i miss the thrill and the speed. anyways, back to the L concern, it’s the custody with D14 is what i will be more focused about. Unfortunately i live in a no fault state. The L consult is not because i want to file for D, i would let WW have that luxury, it’s just to have some knowledge and power to know where me and D14 stand.
No need to contact her. Your 14 year old probably knows how to make a phone call if she needs to. Don't try to be the "good guy" who's going to make your W have relationship with your daughter.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
thanks ovrr... oh i wasn’t going to. WW knows D14’s number. and i am also done being a doormat for WW to have a relationship with D14. i have said this to WW, after A was discovered.
I struggle with how to proceed with my S16 also. What I think is we need to stay out of it and let it take its course with the hope for good outcome. What I have done which helped is transfer ALL the love that I had for W to my S. Be the BEST DAD you can be. Stay well!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
i have decided to take myself out of that equation. the way i see it, if i tell D14 to do something with her mom, then it appears like am ordering her.but if it comes directly from WW, then D14 sees it as asking or a request. I am trying to devote all my love and energy to D14 for a while now. being in this forums, and comparing my sitch to everyone else has made me realize, that our world, mine and D14’s will be better, a whole lot better.
update... WW drove D14 to school and D14 wasn’t happy at all. told her to be just civil. begged me to pick her up later, and i will. reminded her that she still needs to have dinner with WW. D14’s answer to it is just order to go, eat at home, spend 5 minutes with her of no talking. then go to her room. Didn’t make any comments to her plan. All i said was, you need to have an R with WW. She just grunted.
update... according to D14, drive went well. she rode at the back. WW asked her why shes sitting at the back, D14 didn’t say anything. WW offered to pick her up after school, D14 declined. when she got off, WW said ILY, D14 just laughed and proceeded to walk to school. Am off to work.
