Second, my daughter's BF works as a tattoo artist as a side job (primary is auto mechanic) and they are both excited about my visit since I could get a tattoo. I know... personal choice.
OK well as someone who has a lot of ink, I highly recommend you check out this guy's portfolio first. Finding the right artist for you is a very lengthy and difficult process. Surely you have particular likes and dislikes when it comes to subject and style, and you need to make 100% sure that the artist is in sync with that because YOU are the one wearing it the rest of your life. Convenience is definitely not a reason to select an artist. I looked at probably 100 artists before finding one I felt was a good fit.
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W portrait came to mind but rejected for a few reasons. One, lots of time under the needle for a first tattoo. Second, God forbid, this falls apart that would be more than a little awkward to explain to any future R partners. Third, that would be misunderstood by W as being pushy or something.
I've known a lot of people that got their SO's portrait or name inked on them. Without exception every one of them broke up. I swear that is the kiss of death to even a healthy relationship.
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Third, at what point do I inform the W if at all up too actually leaving. When I had suggested it before it was rejected outright. Thinking to not tell her for DB reasons.
DB'ing covers getting out and GAL'ing and not going out of your way to share that with your W ("be mysterious"), however that does not extend to planning trips with the kids without informing her. You should by all means tell her. Since this trip is to see a new grandchild, I can understand your concerns about her being resentful about you going without her. I would suggest that you tell her you are planning the trip and plan on taking the kids, and ask her if she would like to go along. That way it is her choice and she can hardly resent you for whatever choice she makes.
The trip to see oldest D and granddaughters will be solo. Other two kids are grown and have other obligations. So just me. I can see if D has a preference. Having her (W) with for the trip would be a roller coaster. 9 hours one way... I would enjoy the time with her. At this point... not sure about her. I guess roll the dice.
As for the tattoo. I have seen his work. W got her tattoo from him, Carnation on her left shoulder. I am thinking a relatively simple tattoo. A Star Trek Delta w/ command star in a circle. Coloring in undecided at this time. Inclined towards not doing so. I am a big Star Trek fan and Star Wars fan. D boy friends was thinking a Yoda or Vader tattoo. So what I am thinking is far less intricate.
Last edited by Turbine; 09/26/1808:13 PM.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
The trip to see oldest D and granddaughters will be solo. Other two kids are grown and have other obligations.
Oh OK well this is why it helps us if you post a signature with basic info on you and your W's age, how many kids and their ages, BD date, etc. Your comment about "At my request we are keeping it as secret as possible from the kids." made it sound like you were taking kids. If it's a solo trip then plan it and go and don't invite W or tell her anything about it.
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So just me. I can see if D has a preference.
Just explain to D that given the present situation you're going to come up alone and you hope she's OK with that. Don't give her the choice of inviting W or not, you don't want her to feel like she's stuck in the middle.
D is super excited about that opportunity. Guess I will let the W know travel plans. That D would be very excited. Her choice, no expectations or other pressure. She goes or not on her preference. Attendance plans for Church too since the closest involves crossing the border.
Yeah... got to develop a signature line. Sorry.
Last edited by Turbine; 09/26/1808:57 PM.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
I know... no contact means no contact. This morning I was running a little behind my normal morning routine. So I was taking my meds when W needed in. I said come in, you know to put her stuff down grab her toothbrush stuff. I needed to pop my pills into my mouth and take a drink. 15 seconds tops. She did enter and start.
Here is where I might have broke no contact. I noticed her hair was different. I said it looked nice. W response was sort of Grrr...
I wasn't trying to be in her way by being off schedule. Wasn't trying to do anything beyond be civil. Was I wrong?
It feels like a roller coaster day.
For clarity, keeping it secret was from the granddaughters. My three know and are cool with the trip.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Okay... sort of infraction like don't do it again, this is a warning or penalty box infraction?
Ultimate goal of course is a healed and loving MR. Long ways off with lots of work ahead during and after. Or am I chasing a dream? I know ... only I can make that call. When you get confusing signals.... pay attention to what works and what doesn't. For ever... right?
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
W didn't go to Church mid week. I know.... if we are in the same house I know when she is home. I am giving her space and time. Doesn't make it any easier.
Trip to see oldest D and granddaughters.... yup excited about the time there. 9-10 hours on the road... not so much.
So would like to be moving closer rather than apart. Guess she isn't there yet. Bummer. Until then I'll keep working on everything I can to break that image she has of me.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Okay... sort of infraction like don't do it again, this is a warning or penalty box infraction?
Ultimate goal of course is a healed and loving MR. Long ways off with lots of work ahead during and after. Or am I chasing a dream? I know ... only I can make that call. When you get confusing signals.... pay attention to what works and what doesn't. For ever... right?
As in I wouldn't worry about it and just try to do better in the future.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
After I just said not to? LOL! At the end of the day it's your choice, but I think what a lot of LBS's don't fully understand is just how much their WAS is repulsed by their presence. They can't stand to be around the LBS and just want to push a button and make them disappear. So any little compliment, invite, etc. just makes them want to throw up. It really is that bad. You've got to do the opposite- give her time and space. What does that mean? LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
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Yeah... got to develop a signature line. Sorry.
I see it there, thank you!
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Here is where I might have broke no contact. I noticed her hair was different. I said it looked nice. W response was sort of Grrr...
As Steve said it's nothing to get worked up about. But given her reaction, it should be clear to you now that such comments are unwelcome to her right now. A lot of LBS's try to "make up for lost time" by saying and doing things that they didn't in the M to try and "nice" their W back home. But the WAS sees such things as "too little too late".
