Alright had the date last night and I think it went really well. I was attracted to her and she is my type and I could tell by the signs she was giving off that she felt the same. She was asking me a lot of questions, was actively trying to keep the conversation going, touching my arm, had her body turned towards me, etc. We talked about quite a bit and it lasted around 3 hours. The topic of divorce came up which it always seems to so I tried to keep it brief but she commented that I seem to be in a really good place and I told her I was doing great. We shared pictures of our kids, she told me that I looked really good in my shirt, said she had a really close friend of hers that I needed to meet, and asked me if I have an active passport because she goes to grand cayman every year. We did kiss at the end of the date, an appropriate first date kiss.....it was a little awkward because it was by the valet stand and she commented that she hoped we would do this again sometime. I told her I would be in touch and I texted her when I got home to make sure she got home ok since we had been drinking and we’re about 20 min away from our houses. She responded right away, we had a brief exchange, she told me to sleep tight and that was it. The only negative to the date was about for the last hour of the date a band started playing so it was very hard to carry on conversation. She did say though that she had a blast.
So I will reach out to her later this week and try to set something up for next week and see where it goes. She still is not actively pursuing me or initiating contact which is concerning but maybe that is just part of her playing the game and keeping her options open.
Hey Nef....yeah I hear you. Actually having my girls this week helps with moving slow along with her being out of town this weekend. So there is really no reason for me to contact her this week as it would be just be idle chit chat. The funny thing is that my office is in the town she lives in so I could meet her for lunch but I am not going to initiate contact to make it happen. If she reached out to me and initiated contact then I might consider it. So my current plan is to reach out to her on Sunday of this week as I assume she won't be reaching out to me. After the date she did say she hoped to go out again some time and I told her I would be in touch but I didn't say when so outside of me reaching out to her on Saturday to make sure she got home ok she doesn't know when I will be reaching out again.
OK, first, I am so glad you had such a nice date. She seems like a good fit so far and she seems interested in a second date.
But hear me. She is not going to initiate communication nor is she going to actively pursue. Why? because she is a woman, and we are told as women if we do so in the beginning we come off as too needy. I am told ALL THE TIME on here that I need to let the guy pursue me. Which is hard, because when I like someone, I reach out to them. I have had learned to put the reins on it in the beginning. A little further in I am more comfortable pursuing and inititating.
However, she should be responding to your contact. That would be a great sign. But you are going to wait until Sunday??? Idle chit chat is good when you can't see eachother because it keeps a connection of some sort.
I suggest you reach out. She isn't going to reach out to you, and if you don't, she might think you aren't interested.
Hey G...thanks, she seems interested however this is the first girl that I have ran into that has not initiated any contact. The only thing she has initiated so far was when she originally liked my profile. She is still active on the dating app so obviously she talking to and going out on dates with other dudes so I just wanted to give her some time and space as it appears she is just casually dating. If not Sunday then maybe Thursday before so she leaves for Florida so I guess I need to think on it.
Hey G...thanks, she seems interested however this is the first girl that I have ran into that has not initiated any contact. The only thing she has initiated so far was when she originally liked my profile. She is still active on the dating app so obviously she talking to and going out on dates with other dudes so I just wanted to give her some time and space as it appears she is just casually dating. If not Sunday then maybe Thursday before so she leaves for Florida so I guess I need to think on it.
everyone is casually dating on dating sites! Until you have a few dates, maybe you don't want to go on anymore. No one is taking down their profile after a first date. Yu didn't.
Sunday is way too long. It's only Monday. So, how did all those women work out who initiated contact with you?
In the beginning, as old fashioned as it way sound, the dynamic should be the guy pursuing the girl. I wouldn't wait that long if you really are interested......
Ok, like Ginger, let me start off with, I'm glad you had a great first date. But, I'm going with Ginger on this one. We women are CONSTANTLY told not to pursue, to let the man be "the man" and do the pursuing, and when we do pursue, we are called easy, slutty, etc. So, I totally agree with what G said about this lady not pursuing you.
And, why is idle chit chat a bad thing? I mean, I'm not saying you have to be talking all the time, but what is wrong with a well-placed "hey, hope your day was good" message in the evening or something of the like. She doesn't reach out to you, but you have said more than once that when you do reach out to her she always responds enthusiastically. Doesn't that tell you something?
So what if she's still active on the app and likely dating other men? Are you not still active on the app as well? What difference does it make? I still think you WAY over-think this stuff. Why do you have to have a plan about when to reach out to her? Don't get me wrong, that may have sounded harsh and I don't mean for it to, because I'm the world's BIGGEST over-thinker. I over-think EVERYTHING, but man, you just need to relax. If you like her and you had fun and you say she had fun, TALK to her and go out again. If the new wears off, so to speak, then you can decide whether to pull back and when. Just chill and have a good time. Quit thinking so much about it.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
For sure I don't expect her to take down her profile and stop dating, etc. I just think if a girl is really interested that she will reach out and won't play by the "rules". I am also concerned that by reaching out and showing her my interest it take some of the excitement and challenge out of it. I don't mind reaching out and pursuing but I think it has to be done in a way where the woman is not 100% sure of my interest level. It builds some mystery, suspense, makes her wonder why I am not blowing up her phone like every other dude....it provides a little bit of a challenge. I asked her out, I even texted her afterwards to make sure she got home ok and she texted back so if she wasn't interested she just would have ghosted me and if I wasn't interested I would not have reached out to her so she knows there is interest. So I give her a little bit of time to talk to her girlfriends about me, re-assess how she feels, maybe she shows them some pictures, etc.
Whether we want to admit it or not everyone plays the game to a certain extent. If a girl is not pursuing when she really wants to because that is what she is taught or has been told then she is guilty of playing the game as well. I think everyone has been giving some guidance or advice along the way about not showing too much interest. It goes both ways.
The dating game and all these "rules" can be useful, but I'm afraid they may actually get in the way of something real. I've heard that it's natural for the woman to pursue, and making her wonder about me will actually increase her attraction. Obviously, both sides are being told, "don't pursue".
You know what I'm really looking for? Someone who'll say "F*** all these dating rules. I really like you."
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
