Can you expand on this a bit? I am not sure what you mean. First, full custody is temporary. This means at some point she is going to come for 50/50 custody. Are you consulting with a custody attorney to make sure you have a legal standing for this?
Sure. Since this was mediation, we negotiated the terms. She asked for 50/50. I said that would normally be fine, but because of a few issues I had concerns about S safety. The mediator wanted to know what points I had, I explained, and then W immediately said she would agree as long as it's not permanent. I said that was reasonable. No, I haven't consulted an attorney, however where we live, this is legal.
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Also, she has full visitation rights, but you can say no. I assume you mean that through this power of no you will try to control her decision-making. Is that what you are talking about? I assume you are talking about her having him around OM and the snakes. Again, you may want to consult a custody attorney because I am not sure OM having a criminal background (short of child molestation) nor a few reptiles in aquariums give you the "authority to cut it all off".
I have no plans to try to control her decision making. I plan to let her make whatever decisions she wants. Pet snakes are fine. Pet venomous exotic snakes are a safety risk, and even with a permit they are illegal in the town, and even W admitted that the point was valid. The point wasn't to say "look what she is doing", it's to establish proof that she HAD done this stuff without thinking of S's safety. There were other points. Moving S around and getting evicted probably weighed far more heavily, tbh. As for OM, this is one OM of many. We had a standing court order that explicitly said NOT to have S around people she was hooking up with between 10 PM and 7 AM. She knowingly violated multiple rules in the order.
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blackmac, I fear that you are going to try to use custody of your son in order to try to control your STBXW, and to punish her for things you don't like especially in relation to OM. That is not the right approach. Notice, I didn't even say not correct, though it is also not the correct approach if you ever hope to R with her someday. But it is also morally and ethically wrong to use your kids to get back at your WW. I hope I am reading all of this wrong, but it does seem that you are trying to exert control over her through your S
I completely agree with you. This decision wasn't made to try to control W. It was solely made to ensure that one of us could look out for the well-being of S. And since she demonstrated that she was more interested in how she feels at any given moment, I stepped in and decided that I would be the adult and do whatever I have to to ensure that S has something stable in his life. I understand it's ethically wrong to use kids, but I have no intent to do that. I plan to not shake anything up unless there's a seriously good reason. I love W, but if I have to choose between making the right decisions for S's safety and well-being or R, I'm going with S. No question.
I completely understand how it sounds. I assure you that my intent isn't control of W. I don't want that. I want to be sure my S is safe.
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Finally, I would be ready with a lawyer. I know you said you can't afford one, but I have a feeling, based on your STBXSiL's text message, that this fight is not over. (By the way, I would have advised you NOT to respond to STBXSiL but well done on just validating her in your response.) As she tells people her side of mediation she is going to get a lot of advice to get a lawyer and fight.
D court date is in 6 days. She couldn't get an attorney because she doesn't have the money. Nor do I. And since it was a negotiation, she could have said no. She freely chose to agree, and we both signed and notarized a contract stating that the decision was final and could not be revoked. That agreement is set now. So Wednesday, the judge will sign the final declaration, and it'll be enforceable.
She had the chance to fight it. She chose not to, and honestly it surprised the hell out of me.
