I have been meditating more and more, even going to a Buddhist temple. They were so welcoming, accepting, and non-judgmental the first time I went I realized that I haven't felt that at home ever. I am convinced that my wife is incapable of loving anyone. She will never admit that she has anything to change about herself. I don't think our marriage was ever about anything other than her disappointments. I am devastated and if not for my son I would leave the state and never come back.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Meditation is great. I haven't ever tried it in a group setting (outside of yoga) but I imagine that it would be incredibly peaceful and soothing to the soul.
I think trying to reach that state of love, acceptance and non-judgement about our WAS and our sitches is one of the ultimate goals of DBing. May your journey towards that be rewarding, because it certainly isn't short or easy. Take care of yourself.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
In all likelihood this is my last post. I don't know how or why any of you would put up with this kind of treatment from somebody you love and who claimed to love you. Nobody has ever treated me with such cruelty and contempt. I'm getting divorced and not looking back. Screw her and her selfish, delusional midlife pity party. The icing on the cake is her expecting support while continuing her affair. Not with my lawyer.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Sorry to hear that RW. What happened? Is it a petition for support?
Regardless, I would encourage you to not make any decisions until the heat of the emotions have passed. If you still want to leave the community or want to get going on the divorce immediately you will still have that opportunity. For me, I find emotional decisions to be reactive rather than based on my values, and they are often the ones I regret the most. Also, in my experience, this community is a great place to move beyond a relationship that has no future or isn't worth rescuing.
No matter what, I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Take care of yourself.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Now she is screwing up the collaborative divorce process as if she actually wants to go to court. What a psycho. I am moving out in a few days. I can't take this anymore. My lawyer can take it from here.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Well, after loads of therapy and nothing but disappointment and regret over the last few years I have very few happy memories left of our entire relationship. She has definitely changed dramatically since her breakdown of about 1.5 years ago over her awful parents. Her therapist was supposed to be helping her with codependency dealing with her parents but somehow turned into a personal quest for self-actualization that involved an affair and divorce. I hope she gets what she wants out of this. I just want a fair settlement.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
I will never think that I deserved to be cheated on and lied to, but I have been feeling a lot of guilt about my problems during our marriage. I have been living in an apartment nearby for about a week. The divorce process is moving forward. I'm still in therapy and meditating. I feel that I am a good person, but that I wasn't a very good husband. I think I can be, but it is too late for her. She has moved on and it started a year or two ago, not just 6 months ago like I thought. I will miss her terribly.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
It has been a month since I last posted. I have been living in a very nice apartment in a great part of town. I am meeting new people and really enjoying myself. My son has visited a few times and we had fun and some good conversations. The collaborative divorce is moving ahead. She only communicates with me when she needs something, which is fine. She still doesn't seem to realize what her future is going to look like. She will have to work a lot more or get a better job. Her spending will have to come down drastically. I have met some other divorced men who are a real help when I get down. I feel like I've been waiting for this for a few years.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
