Boy - my diary entries are long despite not having much to say.
I had a nice date with CL last night although this whole dating with kids and responsibilities thing is tough. CL has a pretty busy schedule and does the mom-taxi thing a lot. Between school, church, music etc that's not a lot of CL time in the eveings and weekends.. Last night was piano lessons for her S13 which meant not being able to get together until 6:00. Her kids were supposed to call their Dad to see about him getting them supper.
On the way there I got a text from S24 asking when I'd be home - when I told him it would be late, he texted a picture of his foot with his ankle swollen up to twice it's usual size but said that he would figure things out. He's 24 - I did ask if he needed me and he said no so I took him at his word.
CL had picked a fairly upscale place - I don't think she's a diner sort of gal, and was already seated. Being organized, she had asked the greeter to send me over when I arrived. I was a couple of minutes late due to S24's text and also getting lost. She - of course - looked fabulous but I think she is still losing weight fairly rapidly. We had a nice visit. She did ask about my life / day and seemed to be interested but I kept the focus on her which seemed to not be an issue for her at all. She did have a lot to talk about / vent about. She and her kids are very much in the anger stage at her STBX who is behaving like an entitled jerk from her point of view. Her legal stuff is ramping up and he's making ultimatums and arbitrary decisions. She thinks she'll probably end up in court which will be annoying.
I said that I wasn't too hungry and she ordered a salad and I an appetizer. I realized later that I should have asked if she wanted more but she never suggested it.
During dinner she got a few texts from her kids who were unhappy about the prospect of having to see their Dad for dinner and asking if she would bring something home. Again - challenges of dating with kids.
We went to a second place for coffee and did more visiting. Someone came in, stopped and said "hi" to her but she didn't introduce us. When it was time to leave we both headed to the rest-rooms, her first and she had stopped at the other person's table and was visiting with them. I scooched by not interrupting and again on the way out and waited for her. She said it was her dentist. It could be considered slightly rude to not introduce me, but that's her call and I don't know how common the knowledge is of her split. The last thing I want to do is to complicate her life. In fact I'm not even sure if CL's kids know I exist or in what context but it is still very early days.
I walked her to her car, hug outside the car and I asked for a second one while she was seated and was granted my wish. The kiss on the cheek has been moving forward and she doesn't seem to have a problem with that. I didn't go for more than the cheek because it didn't feel right and also because she said she was coming down with a cold and would probably have been annoyed with me for deliberately infecting myself (it would have been worth it). She started going through her schedule to think of when we could see each other again and I just assured her that we'd figure something out. Again - tough to fit me in to her already busy life but she really seems to want to make an effort. It may well be either this weekend or the next.
It was a bit after 8:00 when I left so I called S24 to check on him and he said that he was just then going in to the hospital. It turned out that he had called his mother after me and she made him wait until the end of her shift before taking him in. Not too surprising but to me annoying. He got home shortly after I did and I had left crutches by the door for him. I do hope that his mother actually pulled in to the drive rather than make him walk down - I didn't see. I told him that if I had known that he would have had to wait that long that I would have cancelled my date and come right home but he assured me that it was fine and that he didn't want to do that because he knew how much I had been looking forward to it. I did make a point of telling S24 that I really appreciated his mother giving him a ride. It was good of her. For a moment I considered telling her myself but the moment passed quickly. No clue if he told her why I was unavailable but expect that given the level of pain he was in that he may very well have mentioned "Dad's on a day with CL".
I did get S24 in to the hospital early this morning. He was working very hard on being accommodating despite being in a very large amount of pain. It's just a bad sprain from him jumping down into a ditch he was digging yesterday. He'll be off work for a few days now. We got him some more pain meds after consulting with the pharmacist and based on what the doctor suggested. Fortunately I work with some very understanding people and had a conference call this morning that I did from the hospital waiting room. I sent CL a note letting her know the diagnosis, asked how her kids' evening went and saying that I really look forward to seeing her again. She'll respond at some point I'm sure. She's not a heavy texting gal.
I sometimes feel with her that I'm getting "tested" but on the other hand I'm testing her. She's more or less fine with the fact that I don't always agree with her and she has no hesitation with not agreeing with me, even though a number of times she thinks my position on some things is a bit silly perhaps. There's no love-bombing, no mirroring, no lies that I can detect. She does seem to genuinely like me and I her as a person beyond any other motivations. It feels just like what perhaps a "normal" relationship should feel like I suppose.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi Andrew. Always a pleasure to read your posts. It’s really odd the lack of contact between your D and your XW. As a father myself, I find so unnatural loosing ties with a daughter...we the WASs are really insane creatures sometimes...
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
No real kiss yet? That just sort hits me, especially since this is the third or fourth "date" - or are these really not actual dates? Be careful not to friend zone yourself. I'm not saying you need to have a 10 minute make out but did you notice the effect a nice, first date appropriate kiss had on Ginger? CL may well be wondering, "why won't he kiss me? Doesn't he find me attractive?" And as far as "infecting you" if you touched her hand you have just about as much of a chance of catching something as you do from her lips. You don't want to move too fast or push things but moving too slow is a thing too. What does everyone else think?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Depending on the vibe she is giving off (or your level of interest/the date is going horrible) I could see not going for the kiss on the first date. If everything is going great...good convo, she seems really into you and you are into her then I think you always have to go for it. I am not saying shove your tongue down her throat but a nice romantic, appropriate kiss. Usually if woman are interested they will make it obvious that they are open for business
I'm not too worried about the lack of muchas smoochas. CL is on a much earlier path towards healing than I am. Perhaps around where I was being told here that I wasn't ready with my Flower Lady back in early 2017.
Also Don/Joseph - there is perhaps a decade plus between our ages and yes, it does make a difference. Even CL is very close to 50 and is probably trying to work a lot of things out and things move slower. One big factor is the C - Christian - very involved and very conservative. She has been part of her faith community since she was born and we talked tonight about her "wild" times which were pretty tame. Her STBX also was part of that community. I'm not. This is an important complication that I have asked for guidance on a couple of times.
For now I'm content to follow her lead not knowing the destination and knowing that she doesn't either.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
One big factor is the C - Christian - very involved and very conservative. She has been part of her faith community since she was born and we talked tonight about her "wild" times which were pretty tame.
Do you feel a romantic attraction to her? Do you get the vibe she is romantically attracted to you? Or do you get the friend vibe?
Is she actually divorced yet? Because if she is a devout Christian, she wouldn't even be entertaining you..... so a little smooch on the lips wouldn't be such a big deal, ya know.
Take it at a pace you feel comfortable. But if she is indeed giving off the romantic vibe, don't let it sit for too long, because it will change to a friend vibe.
doodler - You are indeed correct and it is a concern for me because her Church and faith play a big part in her life and that of her kids - and used to for her STBX. She's not shown any sign of proselytizing at me though. It is a conversation that we'll need to have at some time if this progresses.
Hi Ginger. You've hit it on the head. Yes. I do believe that there is a romantic attraction in both directions. Not a head-over-heels this is "the one" sort of way but in a "I can imagine this person naked / as a good partner / being part of my life" sort of way and holding hands as we walk into the sunset. I can also imagine this not happening. A very good friend advised me a very long time ago that just because you date someone that doesn't mean that you will end up with them.
On her side she's made comments about never getting married again because the only reason to do that would be to have kids. But I think she's making/made an assessment of me as a partner. On the surface we're a good match personality-wise. I also bring a number of practical things to the table. She's also the sort of person that having lots of friends and an active social life wouldn't have made the effort to seek me out / hunt me down just to have a new friend. I do think that she's marked me down as someone she is interested in "now" - not in some vague future as well. She does seem frustrated by how hard it is for us to coordinate schedules.
The actual divorce is probably a ways away. I heard from her this morning that she will probably end up in court because her STBX is acting almost exactly like HaWho's and he's now refused mediation and acting in a very arbitrary fashion. On the other hand, it's coming up to the 1 year mark in a couple of months since she booted him out so perhaps it could all be over in an afternoon if they get a court date and he gets motivated.
It's difficult in some ways because I don't want to put undue pressure on her. Under normal circumstances perhaps we would have taken that next (and to me not insignificant) step by now but with a gap of almost a month between dates 2 & 3 it sort of felt like a reset. Also there's the whole courage thing that I struggle with
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
doodler - You are indeed correct and it is a concern for me because her Church and faith play a big part in her life and that of her kids - and used to for her STBX. She's not shown any sign of proselytizing at me though. It is a conversation that we'll need to have at some time if this progresses.
I don't have any problem with religion as metaphor, but I can't stomach the hard-core dogma of some of the fanatics that interpret everything literally. My parents, who are otherwise normal and sane, believe that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and that Jesus is going to come back riding a horse across the sky to take them to heaven (or something like that). In any other context, they'd be hospitalized and given the Thorazine drip.
You can use the religion thing to your advantage; just tell her you'll consider it, but she'll have to be very persuasive.
What a busy week. Lots of stuff going on at work but I feel good about most of it. I do get the feeling that if there is no future role for me in the company that I'm with, that the multi-national would be interested. I've been included in a number of meetings as the primary subject matter expert.
Next week I'll be in the local plant where I hope to end up coincidentally with the annual board of directors meeting. I know most of the people on the board and think that it will be good to be seen at the plant making a contribution. As opposed to a number of my colleagues including my boss who are taking vacation just as the real work of integration / separation is ramping up.
On Friday we had a taco lunch for the sales and marketing office where I historically have spent most of my time. One of the key organizers is my friend "WL" who delegated a number of things at me. She and her compatriots on the social committee did a great job of organizing and I made sure to say so. She also went out of her way to visit with me a bit later when we were the only ones in that part of the office. My heavens, she has the deepest deep brown eyes. If the world were only slightly different I would absolutely have asked her out.
I had sent a message to CL on Thursday suggesting that we go out again and letting her know that I was good with whatever matched her schedule. Since she was under the weather and had started her lawyer stuff - which sounds like it will be nasty, I wasn't sure when / if I would hear from her.
I heard from her on Friday evening letting me know that yes, her STBX is going to be difficult, that she likes her lawyer and that she has gone to the cottage with the kids for the weekend to ignore everything. There are a few other things at work and such that have gone sideways on her as well. I'm figuring that my best course is to keep a low profile, do my own stuff and that if she wants to get together that's fine but I certainly will understand not being a priority. She does seem to honestly want to work and put the effort in to keeping in touch and us getting to know each other - the daily messages are a sign of that. One thing that I've certainly learned in the last few years, especially from influences here, is patience.
Been a good day so far. I took my broken BBQ to the dump, did the banking (was less flirty with the teller), sent the ex-wife her monthly money, groceries (bumped into a friend), roses (the lady there was happy to see me - working on quitting smoking - I told her fabulous that she's giving it an effort), scone (good friend who hasn't been well was there again).
S24 is progressively doing better. He has all of the work-place safety forms done and can put a bit of weight on his leg. He'll probably be off for a bit still - good that he has a safety net. D26 and her H appear to have dodged the worst of Hurricane Florence. It seems to have gone out of it's way to circle around them. I hope that they and everyone else is and stays safe.
The sun is shining here, going to hang out my laundry shortly and get the grass cut. I'm thinking of making meat-loaf for Sunday supper tomorrow.
Life is good.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
