Hi Westo! I'm glad that you let him have a blast. He needs to know that this stuff is hard and that he messed up. Perpetual nagging isn't helpful but what is called here a "truth dart" lets him know that you haven't given him a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so glad that things are moving along for you. And yes - I am sure it is quite hard. Much harder than walking away.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Westo, I don't think I ever read through your sitch before, but i just spent a little while on it. And I didn't know you had had breast cancer! Me too! One year after BD1. My H came back for about 12 hours -- when I woke up from the mastectomy, I looked into his eyes and it was him! We held hands all night and he was so kind to me and I really felt our love in full force, and I had a prophetic dream about new life for us. In the morning, I woke up and looked into his eyes and he was gone. My memory of the night of my surgery is one of my happiest memories because he was him for a night. Isn't that crazy? I also remember so clearly right before I went under, I was praying so hard and surrendering my life to God, and everything was full of light and joy. It's so weird how happy a memory are those two things, on such a difficult day.
When I came home, I looked at his phone, something I never do. And that was when I saw the texts to "my secret other wife."
And my cancer didn't wake him up. I am so glad yours woke your H up. That gives a bit of purpose to having to go through cancer!
Now it sounds like you are doing some great work at a slow and steady restoration. I am so happy for you. And I think it's okay to get a little tipsy once in a while and blurt out some truths. Sometimes the truths can be lovey and flirty and sometimes they can be darts.
Last edited by Gerda; 09/13/1802:14 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I knew you would be on team Westo with your cheerleading, so thank you!
Gerda, we have more in common that I thought with the old breast cancer.
I’m so glad he was there when you needed him. My H was, in a way, but not what I had hoped.
Anyway....as you know, I’m not religious. I do believe though that things happen for a reason. I believe that if H hadn’t left me when did the year before my diagnosis I wouldn’t have been so strong 💪🏻
Was that down to ‘God’ ? Or was that down to fate and what is mapped out for us?
I’m going to live my life with a bit of both and my free will chucked in. Everything happens for a reason.
I tell myself this over and over. It is my mantra.
I’ve been in an odd mood all week. Little things playing on my mind, so I’ve gone to bed early.
I’ve often gone to him on his sofa for a cwtch (cuddle) but this week I haven’t.
I’ve thought, if he wants one he knows where I am.....
Well it’s paid off. He has come to me every evening this week and actually woke me up last night to make love to me two hours after I went to bed.
So I’m going to continue to do the same. It’s his job to make me feel attractive and wanted.
H has been back now for 12 weeks......I am far less paranoid and sensitive than I was a few weeks ago and H is gradually settling back to the H he used to be.
His old humour is coming back which has been away for a few years, so that’s nice to see, as I’ve always found him very funny.
He’s away for a week at the moment, he has done at this time of the year for about 10 years as he helps with an annual motor sport event a couple of hours away.
I must admit that I’m loving the break as I do find it stressful him being here every day after being away for over two years.
I suspect he’s also enjoying the break so I’m not texting him or ringing him unless to answer him. He rings or texts every evening when he gets back to the hotel.
I’m taking this opportunity to focus back on me and enjoy this ‘me’ time I got so used to.
Hope you’re all keeping well, I do still keep up with most of you. You are all in my thoughts.
Thank you for the update. It's good to see that you both are taking things nice and slow. Enjoy your "me" time!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well......H came home after his week away and has been extremely loving ever since!
I’m not complaining, It makes me feel warm and safe again, which I missed so much.
He went out on his bike earlier. The plan was to cycle to his parents about three miles away. Anyway, after a couple of miles decided to come home Incase they weren’t in.
He managed to cycle halfway up our very steep hill when he decided to get off and take a ten minute break.
A local man stopped and asked H if he was ok informing him he was a paramedic.......
He was in a right state when he got in.
I know, I should and do stop being a ‘fixer’ but couldn’t help but make him drink a pint of water take a shower and tucked him in bed.At only 5.30 in the afternoon.
I won’t laugh, he could have had a cardiac arrest, he’s so unfit!
I don't see an issue with you giving him water and being concerned. Anything could have happened if he's out of shape.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A lot of men - myself included - believe ourselves to be the indestructible stud-muffins we were in our 20s. One of the several reasons I worry about being "unsupervised"
I have a spray bottle of nitro that I try to remember to use before doing things that are too strenuous but often don't think to.
My grandfather had a good way of describing the effect of a bad heart - and he lived well into his 90s until he broke his hip. He said that he "lost his wind" which having experienced it myself is a very accurate comment. And when I've been exceptionally stupid, it can take me up to a week to recover.
I'm glad you are there for him. Taking things easy, trying not to be stupid / proving things to himself or others, letting his heart get back up to speed is perhaps for the best if he can get there. Bad (but perhaps appropriate analogy time) - like an old delivery truck which gets the job done, it's not a race car. Back in we used to occasionally drive the old truck fast and at a high speed - to "burn the carbon out" - people don't work that way.
Just like you walking up and down that mountain for all these years, he needs to work his way up to cycling that sort of distance. And no - he's not going to listen to either of us But good on him for trying to be active.
One thing that I do and you might see if you can talk him in to - is I always carry a water proof container with a couple of full-strength uncoated Aspirin in it. When I do have unexpected "troubles" I sit and chew them down. Chewing them and them being uncoated means my body absorbs them more quickly. It certainly makes me feel better.
((Westo)) - you did good. And I am sure your H appreciates you fussing over him.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well, here I am lying in bed writing this. H has just left for a night shift.
H and I are still plodding along but things are getting so much easier. 4 months now since he returned and he is really trying to gain my trust back.
Last week he drove up the mountain to look for me while I was on my walk to tell me he was popping to see his parents so I wasn’t spooked that the car had gone when I got back.
It’s little things like that that I appreciate. He could have left me a note.......well he did that on BD, so I think he knows that’s a sensitive issue now.
He cycles as often as he can and is getting very much fitter. He also applied for a managerial job at his work that he didn’t get last year. He was successful this time and the increase in pension and wage will definitely sort our financial sitch out, which was his main concern.
This promotion has really boosted his confidence and day by day my old H is slowly coming back.
I came home from shopping with D the other day and he had cleared the dishes, wiped down the worktops and hung the tea towels from the cupboard handles all nice and tidy.......like he used to.
I am mindful that I don’t ask him to to anything around the house anymore and figure that he will when he wants to. I was a h@ll of a nag before BD...I won’t be that person again.
I used to call him to get up from bed after his night shift.....not now. He can get up when he wants to.
Looking back I nagged the poor man incessantly. I know that I too was depressed and knew he’d lost interest in me and our home and that’s why I nagged.
What I thought I would achieve from that, I don’t know. I have changed for good, not for him but for me.
I am grateful that I really did take the time I had to focus on me, the most important person in this dreadful episode of my life, and to learn and embrace whatever the outcome.
