took D13 today to her IC. apparently she hasn't tiled her about WW getting frustrated with her and slapping her. So IC told me that it needs to be addressed, and D13 has nothing to be fearful of. Hopefully it produces a positive outcome for D13 and WW.
Hang in there, this stinks big time. I know this is my second go round in 10 years, not sure if I want to R this time. Similar sitch except I would be in jail if I caught them in my bed, M 17, S22 and S14 and both are old enough to understand what is going on for the last 4+ months, W away a lot of weekends and not really there when home mentally.
It's nuts how people in A really lose their mind and they place 100% of the blame on the partner for everything happening and cannot see one thing that they are doing wrong to their kids yet claim that is all they are worried about. Listen to what is been said here implement the tools, they do work. I am a bit impatient because it is the second go round, neither one of us need each other financially and I honestly want to be happy and this in home separation b l o w s.
I don't care male or female, you cheat you are a low life POS. If you want to go that direction end the R first or man up and fix your R. Detach, GAL, 180 do it all but do it for you, it works, if you honestly make the effort you will feel 100% better and will have no problem with the outcome of your M either way. Trust me I'm there, best shape of my life at 49, other women are noticing so I know she is, upgrade the clothes, wear cologne if you didn't before, get out and do things that you've been putting off, take care of your kids. Waiting to respond to texts and emails drives them nuts and I find myself not even reading them anymore for a good while.
It is hard to believe that that many people have such low morals that this many A happen but most of the sitchs are similar. You got to do what you can to shake them or do what you have to to move on. Heck my kids have been telling me to get a D and that they are ok with it because their mom has gone bonkers.
Last edited by lost8; 09/13/1801:26 PM.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
thanks lost. I've always been in good health. Lost 60 lbs 10 years ago and been in the best shape ever since. Been living healthy, running, mountain biking, hiking. Every time we go out with friends, i always got complimented on the way i look, dress and communicate with other people. Hence the frustration of her running away with POS hunts me because he's or maybe i should call him it, It is not even half of the man I am. But then according to WW, he made her laugh and they shared problems. Too shallow. But then, days have been easier since she doesn't come home. Apparently she doesn't care about D13 so we have all the freedom to GAL. WW wants us out of her life, then of her life we will become.
her loss, that not just what I am saying about my W, I believe it and that is what you need to move towards. I hope I have a lot of years ahead oh me and I'll be d a m n e d if I'm going to spend the time worrying about her coming back. At least in my situation I had to do a lot of thinking over the last 4 months and really ask myself was I happy before? Was the pain I was feeling after all these years really because she was my soulmate or because I was afraid to move forward on my own. How happy would I be if she did come back? I think she is actually doing me a favor! Obviously a soulmate would not do that to someone they loved and I'm not afraid to move on...looking forward to it.
As I say this my W has asked me to have a drink tonight. My response was sure but letting you know I'm not looking to get married just got out of a bad one...she laughed. And that's how I will approach any conversation with her. She destroyed the marriage so now it's just a drink.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
lost, i always think that when the " butterflies die down" or when her "high" wears off, she would've lost everything. her daughter, family, life long friends, pets. and all she has is her low self esteem.
over and ter... told me she needed a hug from someone because she was still and still is in mourning. never mind that my daughter was just a couple of feet right next door. hard part about this is the POS was considered a real friend. can come and go in our house anytime. with regards to D, she has mentioned she wants out of the M, she felt suffocated. The reason being is after forgiving her. and being the nice guy that I am, I still let her hangout with POS. So i asked her maybe she can tone down the interaction with POS. I trusted her that much. Not knowing that I would've been played for a fool. Regarding D13, she knows what's happening. she's hurting. and she's with me throughout this hurtful path her mother is taking. We're in an in-house-separation, WW has been threatening to move out, for lik a lot, but hasn't gone through with it. She's scared probably that she'll lose her D13. WW doesn't come home when I don't work and we know where she is. But when i work she is home late. Probably also scared that if something happens to D13 she'll be blamed for it. D13 has also gone dark with her. WW hasn't even tried to talk to her, text her or even knocked on her door to let her know she's home.
She's cake eating like crazy. Wants the OM and her married life. But then again you found her in bed with another man and what did you really do about it? I'm seriously wanting to know, and I want you to think about it. What were the consequences for her? You can't beat her or anything like that, but did you change your behavior after that?
The OM shouldn't be welcome at all in your home ever again, have you made that clear to him and your W? How good of a "friend" was he? Has he avoided you after this incident? Have you learned anything about "friends" of the opposite sex?
Next time your WW threatens to move out I'd tell her great, get out b/c I don't care to be married to or live with a cheater.
Don't plan your schedule around her to see her or be in the house together. Do your own thing, start your own life, maybe she'll want to be a part of it, and maybe not. Who knows?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
over, no i did not beat her up or anything. never lifted a finger on her. as for the consequences, i told her i was going to check her phone and she won't be able to hangout with POS. I did change my behavior after that. I became snoopy and kept on asking her q's in where she's been and who she's been with. That's when she felt that i had become vindictive and bully towards her. Hence she said she wants her freedom. Nope, the POS wasn't welcomed to be at our house alone, but then I work nights and that's when WW involved D13 by asking her to lie for her. Regarding being friends with the opposite sex, I've trusted WW too much. Look where it got me?Hard lesson but lesson learned. I've already said my peace with her. she's not to know my schedule and I won't ask hers. she wants me out of her life, and that's what I am right now. Short convo only about D13. But then she doesn't even want to do anything about D13, she's scared of what she'll hear from her. Oh well as what lost said, it's her loss not mine. As what D13 says, " she's my mother because i came from her other than that i have no relationship with her, she's not acting like a real mother should be"
thanks nef. yes the D13 is protected. And D13 already has mentioned it to her IC. and accordingly IC will need to report iif it happens again. IC will also inform WW about the whole thing.
We've already started detaching and GAL. Me and D13 learned more about each other for the past two months than the previous years when she was growing up. Funny that WW is worried about her innocence and yet didn't think about it when WW was asking D13 to lie for her.
Me and D13 are done feeling sad and angry. Right now we just laugh at WW's choices. Some days we don't even talk about her. So, life is good.
Sorry to hear about your sitch, it sounds as tough your W is using the dog's death as an excuse to have a little entertainment on the side. Not saying she's not mourning the dog, but the dog's death in and of itself is not a reason to cheat, nor anyone's death for that matter.
Last edited by Matrix5; 09/13/1806:54 PM.
M (LBS): 41, W (WAS) : 40 M: 16Y, T: 22Y Kids: 11, 9, 9 A: since 2015 DB: since July 2017
