Brunch in Ravenna

[job]

Some change completely, others bring along some of the traits that they picked up during the crisis and others come out just more settled. It all depends upon the person and their issues that needed to be resolved. As for being bloated, stress can "add the pounds", as well as eating (especially fast food and junk food) and drinking. Some become very thin. Just think, many have body piercings and tattoos, etc. that will remind them of what they experienced in La La Land for a long time. Also, they will look at their banking/credit card statements and wonder what happened to all of their funds and then look around at the receipts and the stuff that they have purchased.

Always remember, be thankful that you are not your xw or anyone who is experiencing a crisis. It's not a pleasant trip by any means.

[AndrewP]

job - you are so very right. I am grateful that I am not walking this path with her.

Hot sticky day here but also the first weekend of the month so house-cleaning is in order. Much sweating has been involved and I actually had to drain out my rubber gloves after.

For giggles, I posted a shirtless but rubber-gloved pic to my SnapChat feed a few minutes ago captioned "topless cleaning - not as sexy as imagined". I got an immediate response from "twenty something" that she really didn't need to see that, but noticed that she looked at it multiple times so I presume she wasn't "too" offended. I suspect my ex to be lurking on that feed and TBH - I actually look pretty good for a middle-aged somewhat overweight and overly hairy man.

Pick up your eye bleach at the checkout

And no - I didn't send the picture to CL. I hope that I'm silly, not stupid. I have noticed that she's pretty diligent in recent weeks on liking anything I post on the two feeds she does have a connection to me on. As is the red-headed lady S24 tells me that I'm not allowed to date and one of her daughters (who is also a friend).

I noticed recently that I've rediscovered my sense of the surreal. I'm finding more things funny in obscure ways. I don't remember losing that sense but now notice that I've got it back. Odd.

"Fate" continues to conspire. Not sure if for me, or for CL. I was going to re-watch a favourite movie "Amazing Grace". I can't recommend it more highly whether you are a Christian or not it is very impactful. Sadly I loaned my copy to SIL1 in the spring and haven't gotten it back yet so started to watch John Carter. Since CL is a huge fan of The Princess Bride, I thought I would send her a tongue in cheek comment about how Princess Dejah Thoris is more impressive than Princess Buttercup (yes we're both middle-aged). Just as the scene where I thought I'd capture a screen shot was about to come up the power went out in the entire region and stayed out for a couple of hours. Thwarted and perhaps for the best.

As I've said, I'm not a believer in Karma, nor destiny and I am indeed as anyone who has followed me for a while here will attest, I am a slow learner. But heck! And other moderate swear words.

I did text her later about my thoughts on Princesses and received a definitive support of Princess Buttercup.

Well - the house has been dusted, swept, vacuumed and scrubbed from top to bottom except for the cat-boxes. Time to get those started and get my work clothes in to the wash to do my ironing.

I also need to pull out a couple of steaks for Sunday supper for S24 and I. The weather keeps thinking about rain but there's a lot of patches of blue sky so the BBQ might get another run tonight. If it dries up enough I'll hopefully get the grass cut tomorrow. I did get some outside painting done yesterday on the balcony.

I hope everyone else is having a lovely long weekend!

[AndrewP]

Boiling hot here again today.

The house feels empty today and yes, I feel lonely and at loose ends. Ramblings.

CL is out there - she did the obligatory "like" on yesterday's picture of my broken BBQ early this morning. I had bought the cheapest possible charcoal BBQ probably about 8 or 9 years ago to give that a try instead of propane. I figured if it lasted a year that I would decide on whether to get a nicer one or not. I'll need to decide if I'll replace it this fall or wait until spring. I don't use it very much. The bottom ash catcher fell off just after I got the fire going yesterday so I let it run and the steaks cooked up reasonably nicely. Dinner was fine. Steaks, potatoes, veg and fresh biscuits. Not sure what I'll make today. I don't really feel like making anything and other than Sundays S24 doesn't expect me to cook for him.

CL's not available today as she had mentioned she had other plans - family things she said - and I won't intrude by texting so I'm writing here instead. Pretty much everyone I know will be busy one way or another today. D26's husband just came back to shore a day or so ago so they're preoccupied I'm sure. S24 isn't a "hang out with Dad" kind of guy and he'll probably stay in his air-conditioned room for most of the day. I haven't seen him up yet but did hear him snoring earlier.

I did actually flip through what few pictures CL has up. Sappy I suppose. Looking, it's somewhat easy to tell when her marriage was in trouble as she looked stressed and sad. That went back for a number of years. There is a lovely recent picture of her at a friend's wedding looking happy for her friend but with sadness showing. I certainly can understand that. I did notice that she wore her wedding ring for a fair number of months after she booted her STBX out. I can certainly understand that too. There are still a couple of pictures up of her STBX and she hasn't changed her profile from married. She's not a social media sort despite her apparent stalking of me so there's really nothing to read into that.

I've not looked at the online dating profiles for weeks now. I just checked the folder in my email where the reminders are auto-sorted and just bulk-deleted. I suppose I should take the profiles down and unsubscribe. Not that I have any expectation of a specific relationship with a specific woman with any specific timeline. I know of several women IRL who I could probably date but am happy letting things with CL take whatever course it may for the foreseeable future.

I had been worried on Saturday because I had what I thought was strong angina pain after carrying heavy things around so took it easy then. Only lighter housework. I remembered though yesterday that I had had a very stiff neck a couple of days previously and still have pain down my neck and left arm. I'd be worried if I had any other symptoms. Part of the annoyance of being single is that I don't have anyone to turn to for minor things. I could really use someone right now who would rub my shoulder and neck.

There's an off chance that I'll see CL after work tomorrow for coffee. That would be nice. When I suggested it last week I did say that since it would be the first day of school that I would expect that her kids would want her time.

One thing that I find interesting is how little I am worried about any sort of jealousy or questioning what she's doing with her time. Going through the better part of a year of that with my ex was very stressful. And especially in the later years my trust level kept eroding. I honestly don't know CL well enough to know if I can trust her or not but expect that I can. I do know that I have no hold over her.

Well - I suppose that I should step away from the desk and get some stuff done and spend some time outside. The grass needs to be cut and there's a chance of rain this afternoon.

I have a good book on the go. A semi-speculative history of pre-Columbian Americas called 1491. A very pleasant read courtesy of my local public library.

[AndrewP]

Feeling better today. Spending time in air-conditioning and accomplishing things undoubtedly helped.

The first day after the corporate buy-out along with the first day of our annual budgeting cycle went surprisingly smoothly. There were a couple of high conflict moments as people were feeling pretty overwhelmed early in the morning but things calmed down reasonably quickly.

I do laugh because the security protocols at the plant I now work at on Mondays and Tuesdays is pretty tight and even after all these years I have to get buzzed in and a couple of times the guys from the control room come over and check to make sure that I'm going where I'm supposed to. I've talked to the foreman about this and we both agree that this is a good practice. A couple of the guys are somewhat lax and have had to have a refresher.

I was unsure on when to reach out to CL about getting together after work. I was feeling a bit blah still and it was also the first day back to school for her kids. I didn't want to seem to be less keen on seeing her though. She texted me after lunch and even though she seemed like she really wanted to get together the concensus was that today was a day better spent with her kids than me. They did have a tough day and she made them a comfort food dinner. Schnitzel and potatoes. I was jealous. I've never tried to make a schnitzel although I do like them. She seemed disappointed when she realized that we won't be able to see each other until next week as the alternate days she suggested - and was knocking down herself because of other commitments that she couldn't fit me in around were also the ones I would be in Virginia for.

So despite being only a few miles from her - getting yet another laser tattoo removal treatment - afterwards I just came home. I'd thought about contacting a buddy who also lives in that city to get together for a beer but figured it was rather short notice.

It should be obvious to her that I am willing to go out of my way to see her but also that I'm undemanding. At least that's what I'm trying to project and is what the reality is (more or less). I am disappointed that the timing doesn't work out easily but we both have fairly busy lives even without trying to find times that they may intersect. She has 100% custody - her STBX shows little interest in the kids and certainly not in having them with him. And a busy professional life, active church life, what appears to be a moderately active social life plus a nut-bar STBX and his lawyer only adds to that. It's surprising that she can find any moments.

I find the cadence of texting with her odd but it makes some sense. I'll get a couple of messages and then there's a gap of 15 or 20 minutes or much more. Sometimes that's all there is even though things hang a bit oddly from time to time. But with work, mom stuff and other stuff that goes on in a busy professional single mother's life that's not a surprise. I do still think that she is interested despite it becoming an almost full month since our last date before we will see each other again.

The low amount of contact does it make it someone harder to get to know her. Some people can have pretty intense conversations via text but I have a tendency to be glib during short exchanges. We'll see where it all goes. She's got a lot on the go right now and I am sure the last thing she needs is a feeling of pressure from outside.

Well - time to get the dishes done. There's not too many although it does look like S24 did make himself at least one meal. He didn't work today and won't tomorrow. The forecast has been calling for heavy rain that hasn't appeared but his boss decided that having his guys down in the current set of ditches in that weather would be not a good choice. I think S24 is starting to get frustrated with his lack of hours and the fact that he cannot see supporting himself on what he makes just yet. He has a lot more confidence in himself than he did before he started working. There are lots of jobs around and if he wanted to he could get in to a number of places. Most of them would require him to drive though.

[AndrewP]

Arrived safely in Norfolk after an uneventful journey.

I think that for future trips that I'll do the drive down in one day unless I can find some side-adventures. I do like the inexpensive hotel I stay at in Maryland even if the lamp fell off the wall. The desk clerk was very pleasant about it when I reported it as a "not a problem right now but you should get maintenance to look at it". It was interesting in the brief chat we had to notice that this pleasant and outgoing young lady had had a difficult past. From the scars on her arms she had been recently a "cutter" and she mentioned about turning 18 and shaving her waist-length hair off - currently bob-length and bright pink. A lot of people carry pain that we never see and perhaps never look for.

I arrived earlier than expected in Norfolk so did a bit of unsupervised exploring. To my dismay the Virginia Air and Space museum (highly recommended) was closed today for renovations re-opening tomorrow. I'd hoped to pop in to the gift shop unsupervised to browse around. I walked around Hampton and drove around Virginia Beach doing some solo exploring. It did make me both miss and not miss having someone to adventure with. Miss because there was no-one to share the wonder I felt and not-miss because I didn't have to cater to someone else's wants and needs. Hampton is on Tomorrow's plan and so I may be able to pop in there. I've set myself the somewhat silly goal to get a shirt from each NASA facility that I pass by, replacing my now limited supply of shirts as I purged almost all of the "fat guy" shirts I had.

The expected number of crisis / non-crisis at work happened and mostly sorted themselves out by the time I got a data connection to review them. Most people are quite capable when pressed to it. Some. Not quite so much.

I was rather surprised mid-way across Pennsylvania to get a call out of the blue from "20-something". She was letting me know that she wouldn't be moving her excess furniture into my house this weekend - not that I was there nor really cared one way or another. I suggested she tell S24 who was supposed to help. The conversation shifted to CL who it seems that 20S has "creeped on" as far as her limited social media profile is concerned. I did have a laugh because she was upset as it was her opinion was that CL was far far too young for me. The family connection also weirded her out but beyond "it's weird" she had nothing. 20S is a sweet kid although a bit of a bubble-head. I would rely on her opinion of she pointed out any danger signs but considering the number of boyfriends she goes through on a regular basis, I won't be basing too much on her opinions. I did press her a bit and she stopped responding. She sent me a silly Snap-Chat the next day about getting apples from a random person so I expect that she's not bent out of shape about anything.

I did send CL a couple of messages of the "I've arrived safely" sort but with the "tired and turning in" message on them. Not feeling hugely chatty but the impression I got from her responses was that she was interested in my progress and happy to know that my journey has gone smoothly. I think she appreciated the courtesy. She's undoubtedly not expecting to hear much from me on this trip but did tell me that she looks forward to hearing about it when I get back.

The kids (D26 and her H) gave me a very warm welcome with many hugs. I was a bit surprised when we went back to their flat and they made a very nice dinner for me (breaded pork chops and mashed potatoes). Usually we go out for dinner and Dad buys. Being in the same room with her gave me a bit more insight into some things that I don't get on the phone with her. The existence of CL makes her uncomfortable - no big surprise there. I don't think that she's done the lurking that 20S has but the whole "Dad is dating someone" thing has to be complicated for her. As do "ex-wife" jokes which her H laughed at but she didn't. She didn't take offense - I think she just still hasn't processed the fact that her parent's marriage broke up and how it did. The big thing I noticed was a large amount of resentment towards her brother who she (rightly so) probably thinks is getting a pretty easy ride of things. CL and many others have also made a point of telling me that I am from their opinion far too soft on S24. As I told CL when she pressed me on it "I'll stop you when you're wrong". Even S24 very likely things that I'm too soft on him. I wish I knew what to do that fit within my own framework of conduct. Single-parenting, even of an adult child is tough. Mind you, when I was married his mother pushed me to be tough on him but refused to be herself. I do still feel that he will find his way and that the confidence he has gained in the time since he's moved home will help him a lot with that. What is a poppa bird to do when the chick doesn't fly out of the nest when everyone expect it to?

S24 is home looking after the house and critters and I expect no issues. I do have this underlying itch that his mother may well take the opportunity to do another sweep through the house. She has enough sources of information to know that I'm away. Not that there's anything there really to take any more. I'd thought about setting up a camera while I was away but that would show a lack of trust in S24. I did actually ask SIL1 to check and yes, most of the people on "my side" never bothered unfriending my ex so there is good visibility into the social media on both sides and presumably she hears as much about me as I do about her.

I've actually been thinking about the concept of Trust in the last month or so. CL has told me bluntly that she doesn't trust any more. An expected reaction. I told her, and it is the truth, that I trust far too easily but that I am used to being disappointed. Like my father, I think that I want to believe the best in people but having been burned am somewhat cynical about it. Even with immediate family. Perhaps it's because in part that during my marriage I often felt "obliged" to trust that my partner would do x or y but know in my head that it wasn't going to happen. You form scars perhaps. Dunno. If I had the budget for it, a therapist would probably fill lots of notebooks on my ramblings and idiosyncrasies. I am indeed a man of many contradictions but that's just the way I am made.

There is supposedly bad weather blowing in this part of the world in the next few days. If so, my son-in-law may need to head back to his ship as the worst place for a ship to be in bad weather is in a harbour. There's a moral there but I can't quite put my finger on it. He believes that it won't happen at least for a few days. I have a rain-coat and two umbrellas and family who love me so I'll be fine.

[AndrewP]

On Karma

I had a discussion with a good friend last night about how wonderful my weekend with D26 and her H has been. This was supposed to be a weekend of somewhat bad weather and yes rain has happened.

But - whenever we were thinking of doing something outside, the weather was wonderful. When we changed venues, it rained like the dickens. A couple of times we used our umbrellas which we had in our hands - cuz we're not stupid.

The bit that struck me - and my friend who despite his own opinions that he is destined to h@ll for his sins - is quite devout - goes as follows.

A - If I were to be a man of faith I would imagine that I am being smiled upon. I am very blessed.
F - Yes you are. The fact that you acknowledge it will mean you will have a lot to be thankful for.

Today's adventures included the Virginia Zoological Park - an absolute treasure in central Norfolk. It is well laid out and well run. The animals are given priority but it is a very visitable place for people. When we left the zoo in search of some air-conditioning, the rain bucketed down.

I was a bit surprised when talking to the kids that it seems that I am the only relative on either side that visits them regularly. I am so grateful to them and made sure that they knew it for their gifts of time and love. The plan right now is to visit them again once more before the end of this year and twice next year before D26 moves to San Diego. I hope that the Fates continue to be kind to me and allow this to happen. My son-in-law's family is in Georgia which is more convenient to here than I am but they've only visited a couple of times. Given that the kids both have busy lives and careers it is indeed much easier for us "old folks" to visit them. But perhaps my views are not the consensus.

It was pretty obvious to me that D26 hasn't seen her mother now in roughly 3 years - when we were still together. We did have an interesting conversation at one point where she mentioned about working harder on openness and transparency with her own H in light of "what happened" between her parents. What is rather sad is that she doesn't really seem to have much interest in seeing her mother. As was inevitable, some topics came up around for example things that seem to have vanished from the house and at no time was it on the table that D26 would talk to her mother about what may have happened to this item or that.

It is in many ways like my own attitude perhaps. The person we knew is no more.

CL was an occasional topic of conversation. D26 and her H seem much more comfortable with the idea that someone like CL can exist then they were at the beginning of the visit I think. I heard from CL this afternoon in response to a text I sent her. I was rather happy about that.

Time to hit the sack shortly. An early breakfast at Waffle House (I am in the South) and then roughly 15 hours of driving back home. There is a very tentative planned date with CL on Tuesday afternoon where I hope to chat about her trip to Manhattan a few weeks ago and she hopes to chat about my trip to Norfolk.

The one big regret that the kids have about re-locating from Norfolk to San Diego is the lack of a Waffle-House there.

[Dawn70]

There’s a Waffle House about 6 miles from my house. Come on down to visit and I’ll buy you a meal there. Lol
Is WH just a Southern thing, because if so, everyone else is missing out.

[job]

I am very glad to read that you had a nice visit with your daughter and her husband. It's a shame that her mother hasn't stayed in touch....but maybe one day, she'll reach out to her daughter. She's missed a lot of her daughter's life.

I saw where the navy is moving the ships out to sea to ride out the storm. You are leaving at the right time because it may get a bit crazy along the coast in the days to come. Travel safely!

BTW, we use to have Waffle Houses in my area, but they are gone. They have been replaced with IHOP, Bob Evans and Cracker Barrel.

[AndrewP]

Thanks for the visits Dawn and job.

They checked and the closest Waffle House to San Diego is in Arizona. Considering the number of Navy guys and gals in San Diego who are probably from the South - perhaps this is an opportunity for some entrepreneur.

On the other hand during my base tour I was surprised to see a Tim Hortons which I understand isn't up to the mark of our Canadian ones but that along with all the Canadian geese make it look like there is an invasion in progress

The Navy is indeed taking this storm seriously but they also perhaps won't turn down a training opportunity. I believe that since my son-in-law is already on leave that he doesn't have to report but his phone was going beep quite a bit with his shipmates cursing away. I do hope that everyone stays safe and that there is minimal damage. My daughter and her H live on a third floor but depending on the wind they can get water inside their flat. After breakfast on Monday they were off to buy a few days worth of supplies in case they lose power and access to the outside world.

The drive back was relatively smooth - I perhaps had an angel riding on my shoulder. A few minor things which at first caused me to curse talking about karma and then loosing it. But they were minor. The old mount I use to hold my phone for navigation broke which caused an issue as I'm now used to being navigated rather than figuring it all out first. I tied the phone to the mount with a spare set of cables and then at the Virginia visitor's centre a very nice young lady gave me a handful of elastic bands which will be my solution for the near term. I also got lost a couple of times once when my navigation app decided to route me through Kingston on the other side of the state from Buffalo where I wanted to cross. I wasn't too far off the path though before I noticed. I also had to take a lengthy work call in DC which was annoying.

I am a bit concerned about my daughter as any Dad would be. She seems to be holding up OK but the stress of her H's upcoming deployment is obvious. She is obviously quite upset with and rather disdainful of her mother. Not my issue to fix but it still makes me sad.

As soon as I crossed the border I sent a text to the kids and a message to CL to let them know I was back. On CL's message I also mentioned that I was going to be close to her location the next day. When I stopped for a cup of tea and some carbs I noticed that I had sent that message to my daughter instead so a slightly adjusted message was sent to CL who replied immediately and mentioned that she was glad I let her know. I also let my daughter know as she was perhaps confused about why I was telling her where I would be the next day. Once I had data I also got a message from a good friend who had been watching over my progress home and let them know that things were going smoothly and that I appreciated their concern.

Part way home I got a message from SIL1 complaining that my ex has been completely silent on social media which she says is unusual. I did suggest that this had happened from time to time or perhaps something is going on. The existence of CL is no big secret although what people think (and what they care about) is an unknown and there are mutual acquaintances. Following a standard script, my ex should now be worried that she's going to "lose" me and try to temp-check. I honestly doubt that that is going to happen though.

When I got home, just before midnight S24 and I had a huge laugh because before I left I joked that I would come home to him doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen and sure enough there he was doing dishes. The cats were good, he was good and my bed was very very good.

Today has gone fairly well. I have a date with CL more or less firmly planned for this evening after work and after she takes care of some mom stuff. It will be nice to catch up with her - hard to believe that it's been nearly a month since we last saw each other. I waited until this morning to ask her, apologizing for the short notice even though she probably expected it, as I wasn't 100% sure that I would be up and functional this morning after my long drive.

For those of you in the path of the storms to come - stay dry and safe.

[Dawn70]

In my youth, I met a man from Canada with whom I had a lovely relationship for a short time. In one of my visits north of the border, he introduced me to Tim Horton's and I have been in love ever since. Too bad Tim Horton's is not a southern thing. LOL Tell you what....you go to Tim Horton's for me and I'll go to Waffle House for you.