I am scared for when he gets a place because I will lose time with her. But I know it has to happen. Why do you believe it is important?
For one, it will signify to him that this current arrangement (him coming and going from YOUR place) will eventually come to a halt.
Second, it shows him that this "move out" is not temporary. That you meant what you said when you said he can't "bunk" there but be living a life completely separately, and with an OW in his life.
ready might have some other reasons too, but those were the two that stuck out to me.
Right now he is thinking that he will eventually "sad" you into letting him move back in.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I honestly do not know if he would be able to afford a place of his own, he is still paying half the mortgage at our home. But I know if I were to say something to him about his own place he would be SHOCKED. Total 180. My only fear with stuff like that is me acting like im okay with it and then he actually does it and ill be devastated I think.
When I think of him being sad, I want to save him. But then when I think that hes possibly speaking to OW, I become angry, hurt, heartbroken, disgusted, absolutely so sick to my stomach, and I think to myself WHY am I so scared of making him mad when he should be worried about making me mad just as much.
If he brings up Divorce again, do I pretend to agree or do I just say ok?I feel like I will be tested soon by him trying to get a rise out of me since I havent been giving him much on the R front and ive been speaking to talk about our daughter. So I want to be prepared for my responses. Do I continue to validate? I have noticed some success with the validating.
It is always okay to say "That (D) is not what I want. But it isn't up to me. It takes two to make a marriage, but only takes one to make a D."
That is what I would say to my W. That way she knew I was still against the D, but that there was nothing I could do to stop her. And it also conveys to the WAS that all of the work for the D is going to fall to them. The filing, the paperwork, etc.
When it comes to D, if you are opposed, then you do nothing to help it move forward. Don't actively hinder it though.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
If he brings up Divorce again, do I pretend to agree or do I just say ok?
I like the suggestion of "OK".
or
H:"I want a D" W:"I am glad you brought that up. I have actually downloaded the forms and have begun filling them out. When I am done, I will let you review them."
CAREFULLY watch his reaction.
Quote
Do I continue to validate? I have noticed some success with the validating.
YES. Agreeing is even more powerful.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I do not share my woman with any man. I do not control her. If I am not meeting her needs, I am not paying enough attention. If she desires, other men and acts on it, I will happily help her move out. I do not want to be with a woman who is does not want to be with me exclusively.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Last edited by job; 09/07/1810:05 PM. Reason: add link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
