Juju, I hear ya. My ex pays next to nothing for his rental and has 2 incomes in his home. he looks like Disney dad with the vacation and parties and swimming pools he takes her to. That is all he does. I told him he had to take her for cheer pictures tomorrow (it's his day) because I am volunteering at a health fair. He does it and feels like he is so wonderful. he has tons in retirement, which I know, and will be able to retire at 55.
I could not agree with you both more, my ex has not grown up AT ALL. I have known him well since 18 too. He doesn't give a rat's arse about responsibility. he is in it for the accolades. H has never been responsible for any actions. Our whole R and M he left me in charge of everything. So if something goes wrong, he could blame me. He hasn't taken responsibility for one thing in his life and he really doesn't give a crap.
Thanks job, it means a lot to hear that. Doing both jobs is the toughest job I could have ever imagined.
I managed to do my research on my date tonight. I go to find out his exW was voted some working mother of the year in 2015. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer right after the birth of their son. Which is where according his the timeline, I think their marriage pretty much went down hill. A little intimidating, I won't lie. But a fun drink would be nice.
The waywards do not want to be accountable for their actions and above all else, do not want the responsibility of being a partner nor a parent. They want to look good to others and stand out as mommy and/or daddy of the year. They want to be able to look in the mirror and think that they are so great just by spending a wee bit of time w/their children and please...they shutter to think that they have to spend once cent more on their children.
They never grew up and most likely never will. Shame on them! They have no idea what it is like to have a child come home and hug a parent because the parent has been there for them. They have no idea what it means to love unconditionally.
I am always in awe of the mothers and fathers that post of how they are taking care of their children. It's tough job being both parents, but each and everyone of the parents here are doing a wonderful job and your children will remember who was there for them when they needed love, support, guidance and an ear to listen.
I couldn't agree more! I was shocked at how totally immature my XH really was when we went through our divorce and I realized he'd actually been that way along but I overlooked it out of love, I suppose (or possibly stupidity...not sure which). He never took responsibility or accountability for his own actions, blamed the entire divorce on me, cheated on me and lied about it (still lies about it to this day), then wanted me to tell everyone in our lives that the D was a mutual decision, mainly because he didn't want to look like a big giant douchebag since I'd stuck by him through his years of medical issues and his almost dying.
I also totally agree on being in awe of all those who have younger kids and do it by themselves. My kids were adults when we D'ed so they didn't need much, though in the days, weeks, months after D, they leaned on me WAY more than they did him. Despite his wanting me to lie and tell everyone the whole thing was mutual, the girls figured out pretty quick that it wasn't mutual (no, I did NOT tell them and I never will because as bad as I hate their father, I would never do anything to make him look "less than" in their eyes). I am just awestruck by those who handle and manage the little ones in the face of D and putting the pieces back together after. It is amazing!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I managed to do my research on my date tonight. I go to find out his exW was voted some working mother of the year in 2015. She was also diagnosed with breast cancer right after the birth of their son. Which is where according his the timeline, I think their marriage pretty much went down hill. A little intimidating, I won't lie. But a fun drink would be nice.
While I understand why you say your "research" led you to something that would be intimidating, I don't think you should be. The XW is who she is and good for her, but you are amazing in your own right and no one should compare you to each other. I just read somewhere recently and actually it is something I have heard many times over, but anyway, the gist of what I read was that you shouldn't judge your own self against the outward lifestyles/appearances (and I don't mean appearance as in physical appearance so much as I mean appearance in relation to how their life seems to be) of others or you will feel "less than" every time because you will be really hard on yourself. Just relax and go have fun.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Agreed with dawn. No need to be intimidated...look at yourself. Single mom, very independent with a house and good career.
I would however view this date with caution. New mom with breast cancer and the marriage declined during that time? Where was he? My marriage sloped severely down hill when i was pregnant and diagnosed with melanoma. Why? Becs3use ex was being asked to help more and because i was so scared and stressed and looking for suppprt from someone that kept disappearing.
Thank you ladies! I went into the date unintimidated and just myself. Believe it or not, the scenario I described that would be ideal about this date actually played out just like that. We actually had a 3 hour date, not realizing it. We were having beers and eating apps outside at a bar/grill at our little airport in town and it was a beautiful night. He is totally cool, smart, cute, tall (I mention that, because I had no idea before going into the date. he is 6'2"), very devoted dad, ect.. He paid, we walked out to the car and he told me he would really like to see me again and I told him I would like that very much, then he kissed me. It was a sweet kiss. No tongue, not passionate, but....Nice. The way it should be after knowing someone for only hours. When he got home, he texted me that he had a really fun time. We have been in contact today. he said something very sweet too. So, I didn't hop into anyone's bed, go back to anyone's house, have an intense make out session. I had a normal date. I look forward to the next one.
So, I have a dilemma that came up earlier in the night. D10's pep rally was last night and of course ex and OWW were there. My ex was kind of enough to bring me a spiked coke (yes, we are those parents). OWW tells me on my weekend her and her girlfriends are going apple picking and other kids are going and she would like for ME and D10 to come. I think she invited me because it is my weekend. Anyways, she tells me the woman who introduced her and ex is going to be there. She does not know I know this. I want to smack that woman. I know she was a MAJOR player in getting them together. She asked me in front of D10, so of course D10 wants me to go (well, she said "by my mommy won't know anyone!). I mean, what do I do?! Hanging out with my ex husbands affair partner, the friend who hooked them up and all her friends? I mean, is this not weird? What do I do? I will be moving at that time. I can back out using the excuse of the move, and just let her take D10. Or I can go so everyone can meet me and have to see that I am just a normal woman and a great mom who didn't deserve what I got.
It's just the weirdest position to be in.
On a good note, my landlord's deal is going through and I am getting the money! I have been waiting for this! I can start booking my contractors and I know what I have to work with. I volunteered today at the community health fair our hospital system sponsors and it was awesome. I won a basket in a raffle. It really is a great thing because for so many people, this is their ONLY access to healthcare. They are uninsured and poor. So it's a one stop shop for all their preventative medicine. I'll be doing this every year.
Anywho. I cheerleading tonight then D10's BFF's joint 50th birthday. Their daughter doesn't want to miss cheerleading, so I offered to bring her to the party with me after halftime. It will be my 3rd night in a row in the same bar/ restauraunt.
I would NOT accept the invite. You don't have to apologize to your daughter. Inviting you two in front of your daughter is really tacky. You always invite the adult first. Even me and my ex make a point to never tell the kids we are doing something that requires both parents approval until we've reached a consensus. So no, you don't have to go, and you don't need to be defensive. Don't make it bigger than it has to be. "No" and move on. If this destroys your daughter's world then it's for the best anyway because she would need to learn that you don't always get everything you want.
Put Ginger first for a while. We'll tell you when you become selfish but at this time the pendulum needs to keep swinging that direction.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Oh h@ll no - no apple picking for you. And who the h@ll sets up a married man with a pregnant wife anyway?? B
Date sounds nice and appropriate. I WOULD like to know the story behind the marriage breaking down after his wife got cancer though. We've seen so many WASs who ran when their spouses were diagnosed, I'd want to be sure he wasn't that kind.
You guys are right. I do not need to be going apple picking. D is more than welcomed to go, but I really don't want to. I am a bit of a wimp, because I'll make an excuse, I won't say the truth, because I have to maintain a decent relationship for the sake of D10. I will be moving anyways, probably even painting that weekend, so there is really no time at all.
I also wondered when I realized that the breakdown of the M seems to come at the time after the baby and diagnosis. We did not share why we got divorced yet, we kept it light for the first date. I figure one of three possibilities. I first considered maybe he wasn't there for her? But it seems unlikely, because he is so involved with their son, since the beginning from what he describes, that I don't think it was that. A new baby on top of a cancer diagnosis had to have been so extremely stressful for the both of them, I wonder if their marriage simply didn't survive it. Also, I have seen when people survive something like cancer, they reevaluate their lives having been given a second chance, and maybe she though for whatever reason he wasn't the one. I really hope he wasn't a dick. They seem to get along pretty well, which is great. I am 180ing over here with this guy. I am free today, like totally free. Normally because of kid schedules I would suggest we spend time together. Because I know I won't be all that free. But I am not. he can come to me and ask. We are texting now, but I mentioned nothing.
The birthday party last night was hilarious. D10 has brought me some really cool people into my life. And these people know how to party! It's a group of couples in town, plus me, lol. The husbands are all awesome, the women are my women. We had a blast. One couple are going ot be my other backyard neighbors. They offered any help or anything I ever need. Everyone last night said they are very impressed that I am buying on my own and all made sure to mention that. I think I made the right move by staying in town.
Think I am going to start some packing today. It's getting real!
Oh my God, I found out what happened to their M. When their S was 3 months old, his exW was diagnosed with cancer. he had been feeling extremely exhausted , he thought due to a newborn and being up with him while his wife was going through her surgery and treatments. He thought he should get checked out and found out he thyroid cancer 3 weeks after his wife was diagnosed. I didn't ask, but I think I can safely assume this stress lead to the breakdown of their marriage. I was tearing when he told me. Life can really be a biotch.
