WW has just picked up the boys from me and handed me mail that still goes to the FH, with the letter she had a self composed letter outlining her desire to D me due to unreasonable behaviour!
At first it hit like me hard but know there's nothing I can do about it. I will not do any work towards making this easy but feel I should challenge her reason for D after all she is still involved with another person whilst M and in my book that's infidelity...
I intend to NOT talk to her about the D process and instead let her know I don't want the D and intend to let the solicitors battle it out. I will continue to stay amicable throughout and let her vent but strong boundaries will remain.
Hard day today.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
So she has an affair, movies the AP into the family home and she claims that you are divorcing due to YOUR unreasonable behavoir? It's a crazy world we live in.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
I hold my hands up, our M wasn't perfect who's is...
I'm a firm believer in fighting for my M but also what I believe is right, what this letter basically outlined was the fact that I am to blame for her having sex with another man.
How crazy these people get in the throws of the chemical hit they're getting at this time, 20 months and counting... Now I will rightly or wrongly dodge the D process as much as I can and remain civil and amicable throughout, I intend to let the solicitors do the fighting for me and just carry on GAL and working on me and the boys.
I believe this is just another stage in the process, forever the optimist but I will not be the one who breaks this family she has that AND all the work to do.
I intend to stay constant in showing her my commitment whilst being the better have fun and enjoy this period in my life.
I know down the line there's going to be some hard times but one day at a time and rest assured no more mr nice guy if she wants this D then it's under my terms which is best for me and our two boys.
Take care.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
Wow! What ball$ she must have to tell you that you're to blame for her A. Ridiculous stuff!
Well, at least from this you can tell she hasn't done any work on herself and taken zero accountability for her actions. It's actually quite repulsive. I don't know if you feel that but I imagine my W doing that and that's how I would feel.
She's still in her fantasy stage and let her be.
You got you and your two lovely boys. Keep on being the stellar parent that you are and take good care of yourself. You can hold your head up high through all of this.
I hold my hands up, our M wasn't perfect who's is...
I'm a firm believer in fighting for my M but also what I believe is right, what this letter basically outlined was the fact that I am to blame for her having sex with another man.
How crazy these people get in the throws of the chemical hit they're getting at this time, 20 months and counting... Now I will rightly or wrongly dodge the D process as much as I can and remain civil and amicable throughout, I intend to let the solicitors do the fighting for me and just carry on GAL and working on me and the boys.
I believe this is just another stage in the process, forever the optimist but I will not be the one who breaks this family she has that AND all the work to do.
I intend to stay constant in showing her my commitment whilst being the better have fun and enjoy this period in my life.
I know down the line there's going to be some hard times but one day at a time and rest assured no more mr nice guy if she wants this D then it's under my terms which is best for me and our two boys.
Take care.
Mark.
Lol my WW still blames me for her jumping in bed with someone else. Or sometimes she blames my mom (she thinks my mom had an affair).
My WW even blames me for her lies. She says well you lied you did this instead of just saying yes, I lied, sorry.
So you're not alone, they wouldn't be able to explain this to anyone, but they throw it at you. Don't accept responsibility, but don't linger in argument or worry about it excessively. Worry about something you can control.....YOU!!!
Good luck.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Well just received the petition to the courts from WW for the D process to start, it hit hard to see it there when I got home but was expecting it.
Stating "unreasonable behaviour" on MY part has got me annoyed to say the least! The question now is do I counter petition or just work on getting the best settlement possible for my boys and me?
It's going to happen whatever I do so just walk away and get on with my life and let her continue her journey...
M.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
good morning, Parkema... you are stable and even-keeled... if i were you, i would use whatever leveraged i had to get the most time with my boys... i understand your annoyance with the "unreasonable behaviour." how disingenuous can she be? does she not see that her behaviour--taking up with another man, setting up house with him--is unreasonable? do what you must to get the most time possible with your boys...
I suppose the quick answer to my situation now is patience, patience, patience. I’m still standing but I suppose from afar, no more F2F contact with WW just text messages regarding logistic issues and the boys. To be honest my life has changed and believe it or not for the better in many ways, I’m more focused on the boys and I have ultimate control over everything we do and the A is a distant memory and more of a distraction. WW has twice sent me the petition for D and twice I’ve ignored it hoping that with time the addiction will subside, if not so be it.
The time I’ve been given hasn’t been wasted, I’m deeply involved with self-improvement and researching the whole attitude changes that’s manifested between modern men and women and how this can relate to MR, it’s truly eye opening and fascinating at the same time! This is where DB has really helped, the principles of working on ourselves whilst detaching and using “smart” contact when needed is paramount to get through these very difficult times. One of the biggest realisations I’ve had is that of focus and where that needs to be and guess what it’s not on the A or the LO/AP.
Initially I was all about show her this and show her that but with time and great guidance it’s now show the world this and show the world that, I’m better for it and so are my boys!
“Standing” for your MR for me might be the wrong word as this signifies no movement, let’s not stand still but move forward.
Stay strong all and catch up in another 6-months’ time.
Take Care
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
Hey Mark! Nice of you to keep popping in now and then for an update, good to see things are going well for you! So I guess your W hasn't actually filed for D, but is just trying to send you the papers for your review and/ or signature?
