Navigating through and concentrating on myself #6

[AnotherStander]

She is escalating her desire to move.

How, by complaining more and pulling up a website or two? This woman is the laziest WAW I think I've ever seen. I will be shocked if she actually lifts a finger to do anything. I think she's hoping that her bitching will drive you to the point where YOU take the action for her.

I have decided to make my life more positive no matter what moving forward).

Absolutely. It couldn't be much worse than being stuck in the sitch you're in right now.

I hope that someday we can get to a better place and coparent our kids well. This is going to be a VERY difficult few months getting through all of this. I am prepared for her to move. I am not prepared to be without my kids half the time.

Yes the first month or two are very tough. But you'll settle into the new routine and get used to it. Try and focus on the time you do have with the kids rather than the time you don't have with them. IE, when you don't have them then fill that time with awesome GAL activities, and when you do have them then enjoy your "dad time".

I actually think my W is looking forward to being without all of us.

I'd say you are correct about that. But man is she in for a rude awakening. She's putting so much stock into being happy simply by cutting you out of her life that she's going to be surprised indeed when that happiness isn't just "there". It's going to be a "now what?" moment I suspect.

I think it was Steve that said it, "the only reason a spouse wants another place is so they can sleep with someone".

I'm sure that's right a lot of the time. But I think many WAS's just want to be away from the LBS that they blame for all their woes. During my pre-DB snooping I found a note my ex had sent to her best friend telling her that her worst nightmare was thinking that she might some day have a serious health issue and that I would be taking care of her. Me, her husband of 20+ years that loved her unconditionally, it was her WORST NIGHTMARE (her exact words) that she would have to depend on me for care. Wow. I mean that is what we're up against, a WAS that doesn't like us and may even hate us. They find us repulsive, even disgusting. I'm convinced that THAT is why they want out so bad. Sure they have visions of banging a white knight too, but they just really want to get away from us way more than we can understand or imagine.

By the way my ex doesn't talk like that anymore. She frequently asks me for help and advice, and tells others how awesome I am. She compliments my physique, my artistic abilities and my dad skills. I even overheard her talking to two neighbors who asked if I was her husband when they saw me walking inside, she said "oh that's my ex, but he is really an amazing man!" when she thought I was inside the house (I was in the garage). Anyway my point is this- these terrible things they think and feel about us DO pass. I don't think they do while under the same roof, but separation does wonders for helping a WAS get over all those negative thoughts and feelings.

[Dtrmned]

AS
Great insight!
It is amazing how it seems the WAW's all read from the same script.
All are unique but they ring most of the same bells along the way.
I would LOVE to tell you that this is just her blowing smoke. I just don't feel that this time. We have just a few months left in this house so we have to move somewhere. She is calling places and looking to go see them I think next week. I didn't listen in, but did hear a conversation just going through the room. Do I think she is wanting me to hear this.

Yes.

I still have no idea how she is going to get into a home with no income. Maybe her parents are going to sign for her. She is either VERY smart in her planning or she is in for a rude awakening when she goes to fill out the application. No idea. And I don't care. The conversation she had was kind of funny to me. I already consulted an A and they said that she cannot change our kids school district without my approval. They have been in the same district for 7 years. Other than K and 1st for my D it is the only one my kids have know. If she moves without discussing it first and arbitrarily does it, I believe the judge, if need be, would order her to keep them in the same school district. That would stink for her since she was talking to a place that is about 30 minutes away. Add in the winter weather and the fact that she wouldn't be able to use anyone to help carpool means she would spend at least 2 hours a day just getting them back and forth. Way bad for the kids.

I will not get involved unless she moves and does something.

DB all the way this weekend. GAL. sporting events with the kids and then a few hikes over the weekend.

New Thread:

Determined now as I move forward...