So, now I have to find out how to let him down easily. I know I don't owe anyone anything, but he has had bad luck in the dating world and I feel bad.
Fixing him / making him feel better about himself isn't your job. Your job is to worry about you and your D.
My suggestion is that after his next text - cuz there's going to be one - is respond - "Thanks for last night but I'm not really feeling it. Best of luck" - and then no replies when he asks why and for details. BIFF - Brief, Informative, Firm and Friendly.
You did good.
JuJuB - I'm not sure that I can really answer your question but wanted to take a swing at it. As an old fashioned guy who I hope is a gentleman, I am a big believer in respect. Boundaries are part of resepect IMO. Other than once in my 20s when I got told off for it, I've never kissed a woman without an invitation. Sometimes I've asked for an invitation, but have never been turned down when I have. Even after being married for nearly 3 decades I always respected when my then wife would pull back or say no be it for a hug or something more intimate.
But it comes down to respect. Does the person respect me enough to recognize that my body, my thoughts and opinions are mine and not theirs. Do I respect myself enough to resist when I don't get that respect. The last bit sometimes I struggle with. If I saw another person being treated in a similar fashion would I be offended?
I don't think it's something you can learn from a book.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Funny enough, I haven't heard from him since our last text yesterday morning. Should I still reach out and "officially" end it if he doesn't reach out to me? Can I let it drop? he asked me what my plans for the day were yesterday and I told him and that was that.
On another note. I think I am getting a second job. Because, you know I don't have enough on my plate, lol. I really want to get into the hospital by my house that's in my system. I am working with the SW from over there today and she made a call for me. They need per diem, but I need full-time. So I spoke to the woman over there and she said if I have availability on weekends to start as a per diem and I can get transitioned to full time when it opens up.
I guess I could use the extra cash. I have no significant other and no child every other weekend. Might as well make the money while I am young and able.
I agree w/Joseph...I wouldn't reach out and just allow things to be. If he reaches out, then you will have your opportunity to tell him. For now, keep the focus on you, your daughter, and all of the other areas in your life. You've got a full plate.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Funny enough, I haven't heard from him since our last text yesterday morning. Should I still reach out and "officially" end it if he doesn't reach out to me? Can I let it drop? he asked me what my plans for the day were yesterday and I told him and that was that.
On another note. I think I am getting a second job. Because, you know I don't have enough on my plate, lol. I really want to get into the hospital by my house that's in my system. I am working with the SW from over there today and she made a call for me. They need per diem, but I need full-time. So I spoke to the woman over there and she said if I have availability on weekends to start as a per diem and I can get transitioned to full time when it opens up.
I guess I could use the extra cash. I have no significant other and no child every other weekend. Might as well make the money while I am young and able.
Oh, G.......in the immortal words of Elsa and Anna from "Frozen", LET IT GO! You do NOT owe this dude anything. You had one date; one date that was uncomfortable for you. To be honest, I'm not really into the whole ghosting someone thing and it frustrates me when it happens to me, but in this case, reaching out again is just going to prolong your agony. I totally get your question because I would so totally be warring with myself in my head over the very same thing. The rational Dawn would be screaming let it go, while the nicey-nice Dawn would be saying, tell the guy something so as not to just completely ghost him. It is easier for me to say to you than to myself that you should just go ahead and let it go. It really is for the best.
Good luck on the job front. Sounds like a good way to get a foot in the door while earning some extra money, if you can swing it without wearing yourself completely out. You have to make sure that you take care of yourself in amongst your efforts to take care of everyone else.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I agree with the others - at this point I'd not reach out or contact him. That said, I'll be beyond amazed if he does not contact you within the next 72 hours. I just see no way from what you've told us that he doesn't contact you. So be ready. I can tell you that speaking personally the best thing you could do if it were me is just give it to me straight. But that's me and I know I'm not like many guys. Still you don't need to have an hour discussion or anything, just keep it short and to the point. He's not what you are looking for. Thank him for being so nice, wish him luck and that's that. He will be just fine.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I haven't heard from him, I think he was p!ssed I didn't spend Sunday with him. Oh well, it's over.
Things are going pretty well right now. The house is full steam ahead, I am getting myself in shape again. I had my first full crossfit class last night and it was intense! But it's great, and just the butt kicking I need. The only problem is it's 95 degrees with 100% humidity and they don't put the AC on..... But thank you, things are looking a little brighter, and I am trying not to wait for the other shoe to drop.
Now. I might get 2x4d, but hear me out. I kind had a mug of hot chocolate last night if you get what I mean.
I got a text from HC with a pic of earrings I left behind. We had some banter and we both realized we were free and he came down last minute to a local bar to get some drinks. He actually brought up what happened and the ending of what we had. He wanted to talk it out. I think I told you guys that I temp checked him the last night we were together by saying "I think I missed you this past week" He told me that freaked him out. I basically said if things like that freak him out and he distances so hard, it just wasn't for me. IN a nutshell, he expressed still wanting to see me, understanding what I was saying...... and he kept saying I knew where he was at.... and I said, yes, I know where you were at and I realized I couldn't keep doing this if you were going to be so emotionally distant and nothing would ever come of it in the end. He actually said "I don't know that nothing would ever come of it, I am not ruling that out"
So, he wants to keep seeing me. Is it for the sex? Maybe? I mean, we are insanely attracted to eachother and the sex is good. He said he really does have a great time with me and invited me as the back-up to a Bruno Mars concert him and his exW bought tickets to a long time ago. She might be away on business and I get to go!
So, this is how I feel about all of this, and it kind of worries me that my heart might be hardening. I don't have romantic feelings for him. I know BG and I only had a few weeks, but there was a closeness there that HC and I don't have. Probably because he ensures not to get close. But I am completely honest with myself in that I feel fine with whatever arrangement we have, which seems to be dating and sex. That if he doesn't call/text, I don't care. Any expectation is gone. When he left last night, he said " I have a busy weekend with the kids, so I might not be communicative, but I'll definitely text you, I am not forgetting about you". I guess he said that, because early in the night I said when we spend time together and then you disappear for 5 days, well, that doesn't work for me either.
So, I failed my "just friends" test last night. We were beyond friendly. I realize I also don't want a relationship with him. He's not the one. I don't know if his demeanor would change towards me and he came closer if I would feel different. But I am not interested in an R with him as things are. But I am interested in the fun we have together.
I should really write a book. Look at this crazy stuff I post.
So, he wants to keep seeing me. Is it for the sex? Maybe? I mean, we are insanely attracted to eachother and the sex is good. He said he really does have a great time with me and invited me as the back-up to a Bruno Mars concert him and his exW bought tickets to a long time ago. She might be away on business and I get to go!
Seriously, G???????????????? To me that says a whole lot when you say you were invited as "back-up" and you might get to go and you seem excited about it. You are worth so much more than that. That's really all I can say because I'm too busy shaking my head. You are an adult, as is he, so you have to do what is right for you, but this is another one of those places where I SO totally wish we could have an IRL conversation because you are going down a road I have already gone down and believe me when I say it just ends with you getting your heart broken AGAIN. Proceed with caution, G, and PLEASE don't think that you are just a back-up. You are worth far more than that.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Yeah G......I can just see you getting hurt in this scenario. I suppose some woman can just have sex and not get involved emotionally but I don't get that vibe from you. I also think it is pretty selfish of HC to even suggest that you can pseudo wait around and be there hanging with him on the side.
I just don't like it..........either he is all in or all out.
