Dream said exactly what i was getting at. I understand how comfortable it is and how easy it is to connect with a LBS. But i agree with all the others. She does not sound available for a really long time. But maybe you arent either? Which is ok too.
If you are printing off wedding invitations I think you can cancel the order
2 days spent together, 2 dates and a few texts doesn't make a R. Yes, I quite like CL and hope to date her again but at this point that's all I'm expecting. "If" we are still dating at the end of October I'll invite her to the family event. If not, then not. She's practically family already anyway being "technically" my niece and has been to family events for the last few years sometimes with her then husband. Yes - I was overwhelmed at the beginning - pheromones, bright blue eyes and all that sort of stuff. I know those risks well. I had a worse case with my actual rebound relationship over a year ago which I've not talked about here and won't. I knew it wasn't going anywhere and it didn't but enjoyed the ride knowing exactly what horse I was on. It was long-distance and made me feel good about myself even when it ended.
CL has followed a very different path than those of us that end up here. I am no judge of someone else's journey along healing and milestones like a divorce certificate are arbitrary. My guideline was given to me by a very dear friend and I think it apt. She told me that I would know I was healed when I am defined by what is in front of me rather than what is behind. I think that's a safe measure to also apply to others. Part of what I'm doing is listening a lot - something I do naturally anyway having been married for nearly 30 years to a woman who liked to talk. If she's not ready then she's not ready and I'm not going to push things.
When I said that one year from now I expected to be in some sort of relationship, I meant dating someone on a regular basis - perhaps more - perhaps not. Perhaps CL, perhaps one of the other women I've mentioned, perhaps the nice lady I was chatting with today at the bank who has taken over from the other lady I knew there, perhaps the red-head who I've known for a long time that I saw today who S24 has told me that I absolutely certainly should never ever date or perhaps someone who I've not met yet. I don't know who and I'm just taking things one step at a time.. I could be wrong too and not have someone regularly in my life and that's fine too.
I'm not going to multi-date - that's not me. But I will maintain friendships with people who I consider friends and who may or may not become something more.
Thanks for worrying about me though.
Time for me to figure out how to make a salsa. D26 suggested that as a way to use up the extra tomatoes that our neighbours have given us. I also have fresh peppers, onions, a variety of spices that I have no clue how to use and picked up vinegar as I believe that is an ingredient too.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
One of my many issues is that I dream very realistically and have an actual difficulty telling the difference between dreams and reality. Last night was particularly difficult.
I went to bed relatively early thinking to get a good night's sleep. That plan was adjusted by CL (more below) but I still got to sleep early. S24 was rattling around the house, making himself a late supper and doing laundry for several hours and since I'm a light sleeper, his sounds intruded into my sleep.
At one point I was sure I heard his mother's voice. Then around 11:00 I was awoken with what felt like a cat jumping on the bed. Checked, no cat. Then a bit later I felt my ex climb on top of me like she used to and when I acted startled, she cried and asked if she could stay until seven. I woke up in a moment to an empty bed.
Then in the midst of a disturbing dream of S24 rearranging the house I was woken by the sound of the door-bell at 3:00 am. After a short while, in my dream-state I heard S24 walking around, I got up, checked the door of the completely dark and silent house and there was nobody there.
I know that dreams are us processing things so hopefully all of this nonsense is now processed and behind me. S24 is more and more wanting to be on his own I believe and I certainly don't want my ex crawling all over in the middle of the night. She's chosen the life she has and tough noogies if it's not a nice one.
Breakfast with the weekend's salsa for my eggs is currently being cooked. Fresh day started. Feeling rather more tired than the almost 9 hours I was in bed for should have made me.
Late yesterday afternoon I sent CL a message asking how she was faring, letting her know that I was soon done work and suggesting that I knew that she was probably having a crazy nuts day but that at some point when she got her head above water that it would be nice to get together.
No response until I was just getting ready for bed and my phone was on 10% battery and just about to die. With my phone plugged in on the bedside table, we had perhaps one of our longest exchanges thus far. She was indeed having a crappy day mostly because of her STBX and his lawyer and expressed wishes that she that she could just ignore it all and hide in her basement with a bottle of wine and Game of Thrones. Since I have given up on the Princess rescuing gig and since she didn't actually ask for help, I didn't offer any but made sympathetic noises and worked on changing the subject away from her STBX. It sounds like he is in full monster mode damaging his relationship with his teenaged kids who want nothing to do with him now.
I reassured her that what was happening was finite and that I thought she was a tough broad (not the most romantic phrase) who had nothing to fear from any lawyer (her STBX is one as well).
She said that she just wished for a bit of karma - for the universe to do nice things to her for a change.
The gaps between messages increased probably because she was doing mom stuff and after a 5 minute gap, I wished her good-night and got a response 15 minutes later wishing me the same.
No mention of getting together but she's undoubtedly not in a place at the moment to think about that. I'm thinking that perhaps Thursday or Friday that I'll suggest brunch on Sunday or the holiday Monday.
Karma and fate are interesting concepts. I don't believe in them myself, but many people I know do. A friend had an interesting perspective on this past weekend. She suggested that karma and fate are playing a major part in what has happened but not for me, but more in support of CL.
We met just after my ex had left and I was a bit of a mess. She was married and remarked that she found me oddly intriguing. I liked her but didn't think of her either in any sort of connection. The stage was then set. Flash forward and right when she perhaps has need, there I am. A divorced and somewhat healed and certainly available man who she knows and likes what she's seen thus far. Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but I do tick a number of boxes. Financially secure, a known quantity due to common connections, a kind heart, patient, more than a bit of a romantic and completely and absolutely available. From some points of view, I could be indeed have been staged and served up by fate for her.
Ah well - enough of this nonsense for now. Last night's dreams still bother me. I am pretty much guaranteed that my ex will not be knocking on my door or looking for sympathy from me. S24 isn't likely to disassemble all the furniture at least not without asking first. On the other hand, it is quite likely that CL and I will continue to ever so slowly get to know each other. Even if we just become good friends and in fact anyone who would read our messages would see nothing beyond that. And that's going to be a good thing.
Tea is poured. Time for my shower and off to the local plant again for me today. The odds are pretty close to zero that I'll be seeing CL after work but hey - there are other days.
Happy Tuesday all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I know that dreams are us processing things so hopefully all of this nonsense is now processed and behind me...
She said that she just wished for a bit of karma - for the universe to do nice things to her for a change...
Karma and fate are interesting concepts. I don't believe in them myself, but many people I know do...
Andrew,
I was raised in a Christian fundamentalist household; everything in the Bible was believed to be literal. It seemed to me that the fundamentalist concept of god was something akin to Santa Clause on steroids. Naturally, I rejected that stuff and went about my business.
Then, a Canadian guy comes along and disrupts my world. I still don't believe the literal translation of religious teachings, but Jordan Peterson knows how to take the ancient biblical stories and dissect them and then mix the concepts with a little Jung and Nietzsche to provide some really good lessons for living.
I recently watched Peterson's video titled "Biblical Series XV: Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors." Given my distaste for all things religious, I hate to say it, but Peterson's video is very good. He talks about dreams as well as karma of sorts (i.e. when we're the recipient of a cosmic dump, it's the way we deal with it that makes all the difference). You and CL should pour a glass of wine and sit down and watch that video together; I promise you, it's very good.
Thanks Doodler - I'll make a point of checking that out.
We Canadians are natural disruptors what with our politeness and maple syrup.
The C for CL does indeed stand for Christian and she usually goes to church twice a week and is rather devout but doesn't push her faith on others.
I did forget to mention as far as "larger plans" that a large multi-national bought much of the company I work for causing me to be on the short list (I think) for a promotion and relocation to a plant closer to the city where she lives which would also mean a huge improvement in quality of life for me and availability as a partner to someone. As part of that buy-out the conflict of interest I would have had in dating some of the nice ladies I work with would have gone away. CL showed up in my life a week or so before that and jumped the queue. Perhaps when God is driving the bus he doesn't mess around
Then again this all could be a load of horse pucky and so I'll just take the good that has been placed in front of me and be grateful for it.
----------------------------------
neffer - thanks for the idea. There is lots of garlic in the salsa I made but perhaps it's effectiveness wore off by nightfall. Perhaps as suggested before I bait a trap with pink moscato and potato chips which were her past weaknesses and release her in a far off wilderness to roam free and wild.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Crazy busy week. The corporate merger looks like it is going ahead this weekend and everyone is in a panic. My to-do list is massive but I think I've got all the critical items taken care of or queued to fall in to place at the appropriate time.
Had another nightmare about my ex on Tuesday night but not since. Phew.
I had a former work colleague who I was sweet on reach out to me just before she moves to south Florida asking to keep in touch with an "if you're ever in Florida look me up". That was nice but not likely to happen.
CL has been messaging me more or less every day at random times, usually later in the evening. Usually short exchanges. She did send me a picture of her new hairstyle which she's not keen on. I told her that I thought it looked pretty nice but preferred her prior style. Her note said that she sent it from her car with the kids. Don't know if they know if I exist or in what context. Mind you, I'm not sure what context she thinks of me in herself. Not a big deal. We're still finding our way I think. My own kids know that I've gone on a couple of dates and with who but that's a different case than having teens who are still working on dealing with their dad storming off.
She's having a crap day today and we are currently chatting I think as part of her avoiding having to deal with it. I suggested she camp out tonight with her kids in a blanket fort to which she responded with pictures of the last one they did which looked pretty amazing. She does deal with things and deal with them competently, but in a very different fashion than me. I'm a planner and organizer. She puts things off and then takes a deep breath and deals with what needs to be dealt with all at once. Since my ex was someone who put things off and never dealt with them at all, that would be a nice change. She's not even suggested that I help her with any of her issues and I've not volunteered. Her personal business is her's to deal with and TBH - I probably wouldn't be a lot of help and she's pretty competent with what is in front of her.
She's got a lot on the go right now and I had been hoping that we could meet on the weekend but that is out as she has other commitments. Maybe after work one day next week but that's doubtful too then the next weekend I'm in Virginia. So it will be a gap of several weeks probably before we see each other in person again.
It is what it is and in some ways this is good. The head-over-heels limerence thing can be a lot of fun but we might have avoided that. And then again maybe not.
With no date this long weekend that means that I've got lots of time to get some stuff done around the house - first weekend of the month cleaning, relax with a beer and a good book and maybe a movie. CL might have time for quick coffee on Tuesday. We'll see.
I did have a nice start to the morning. I recently bought a Google Home speaker to replace an ancient unreliable radio. On a whim after my shower I asked "How do I look" and got a reply of "gorgeous". I'll take that. Then when stopping for a refill for my tea a woman almost walked into me - stopped - said "you look really nice" and then went on. I'll take that too.
There had been a bit of bantering on Facebook about the "stag and doe" for my nephew at the end of October. I made a comment about my lack of date. Perhaps CL will notice that at some point and volunteer. If she doesn't the odds are good that I'll ask her. It's actually located fairly close to where she lives. I'm not sure if I'll pre-book a hotel or plan on driving home. I'll probably play it by ear and check to see what hotels are in an easy distance. Camping out with CL - even in a blanket fort is I am positive not an option even if by the end of October we've gotten closer. Probably would be lots of fun though ....
Anyhoodles - time for me to get back to my lists. On top of everything else we're doing an inventory count too which means that the random questions get even more random.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Heard from CL this morning. She and the kids had a fab time in Niagara "reclaiming it". She did comment that she think that her kids are taking the D a lot harder than they let on. That's good that she's so aware.
My own kids are older and have handled the breakup of their parent's marriage reasonably well I think. But it must be tough especially on teens. When two people marry, they love each other by choice. IMO - that makes it one of the strongest sorts of love. When you love a parent, part of that is the fact that they are a constant in your life. Giving you unconditional love that is part of your soul that nurtures and sustains you. In the case with CL's STBX, he monstered both at his spouse and at his kids. I think the kids, especially her son, really feel the void that has been left. I've not met the kids. They do seem like pretty cool and interesting people.
Continuing on the theme of destiny and whatnot. CL's favourite movie as I may have mentioned in The Princess Bride which I re-watched last night. And as it turns out, I'm a farm boy turned pirate. I've got the boat, cannon and cutlass and everything. I'm starting to wonder if I have any say in what destiny has in mind for me So many things are lining up.
I was trying to track down an old thread where Jack_Three_Beans had written to me. I still miss him. I wish I'd been able to know the actual person on the other side of the screen. He had written about a MLC'r and them hitting rock bottom and "waking up". He described that they would be a changed person. If I recall - bloated, with new tattoos yadda yadda yadda. Well, my ex got her fresh tattoo a number of months ago and I heard from a friend who goes in to the store my ex works at that she was "as fat as a seal" now.
Not that I want her to knock on my door. Far from it. But it does make me sad that her situation has apparently not gone well for her and that regardless of whether I believe in the concept of MLC or not, she does appear to be continuing to follow the script.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
