Moving on

[petri]

Old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2804491#Post2804491

[petri]

XW came by. I know I overreact and was out of line on thursday and friday. I apologized and explained that her behaviour was disrespecting towards me and D8. (She sent pics of D8 in the hospital to OM, who the kids have never met or don't know he exists) Naturally she saw that she did nothing wrong. It is not my business who she sends pics to. I told her that yes, it is not my business, but it is disrespecting towards me and she should respect my point of view on this. "I don't see things that way." And she took off.

[equalzr]

I fully understand where your coming from. I found out not too long ago that my W was sharing pics w/ OM and also discussing family business and our S too. You dont bring outsiders in on your kids business and how to parent imo. The whole thing os just as bad as havimg the A in the first place. It seems they lose allnsense of anything being sacred when they are in this state. Things they say they would never do, are done without a second thought.

[ovrrnbw]

That was a cheeseless tunnel. She knows why she did it, but she's also right that it isn't your business really. So let it go. She's not going to admit she did it to make you feel bad.

[petri]

I usually don't react to her things, she does what she does. But when it has something to do with kids...too much for me. Sure if the OM was involved in kids life and they were ok with it, no prob. But at the moment...no f-ing way.
I did tell her that she is right about that not being my business. But she should respect my POV. But I guess that is too much to ask.

[petri]

I can just imagine XW jumping for joy. One thing that has caused fights during S/D is money. She doesn't want to pay for anything naturally. But who does. Anyway. I just received a joint payment order from our real estate agent. I can see her reaching for more beer when she read my message about it. Reality bites.

[petri]

This roller coaster is not a fun ride. Now XW is acting like nothing ever happened...I'll be getting off on the next stop, thank you.

[KitCat]

You have to realize you don't control XW.

Its hard. I think the saddest part about separating from my son's father was just not having those "family moments" together. He has a whole other life that I wouldn't be a part of.... that crushed me a little.

But you need to put on your Big Boy Pants. XW is free to live her life just as you are free to live yours. You thoughts and opinions are not hers. She was most likely reaching for emotional support for the situation of mutual child in hospital and hence the picture to her significant other.

This comes back to the only person you can control is yourself. You are going to realize that you can't make or expect your XW to parent exactly like you or to have the same thoughts an opinions as you. You can hope to protect your kids from a revolving door of OM in XW's life but you truly have no control over it or say in it. What you can do is be the best dad out there for your child. Few divorced families coparent so exceptionally as to come to agreements about when and how things with other significant others factor in, etc.

[petri]

Cat. You are right and I know that I can't control her. I've never even tried that. Not when we were dating, married, S or D.
For me it was just disrespectful. That's all. As for the "family moments"...XW wants me to send her pics so she can be a part of them and she sends me pics. I don't send the pics but she wants me to.

[Btrow]

Petri,

She is not part of YOUR family and you are not a part of HER family. She chose not to be part of 50 % (or whatever) of her childrens lives. Let her have it. No sharing family moments. That is a fair consequense.

My XW have sent me maybe 10 pictures over the last 20 months. I have sent her only one. D5 more or less demanded that I sent a picture of her in a halloween costume to her mother and I couldn't talk her out of it. So I did it even if I really didn't want to.